Parenting | News results for Parenting

How to Help Your Child and Reduce Temper Tantrums

2010-05-14T18:15:00.000-07:00

If you want to help your child reduce temper tantrums there are a number of great resources that you should seek outside of the home. The reason I do suggest such advice is that both parents can suffer a great deal when their child behaves badly. Sourcing an expert in this field can help you, your partner and your child or children. When you are right in the middle of such circumstances it can become difficult to make rational decisions. Sometimes this can be more difficult as your child becomes older. The sooner you start the better.

If you are not fond of seeking outside help there are number of home courses you can use. In the meantime you can try these 3 tips:

1. Try to help your child by kneeling down to the height of your child. Gently speak in a calming voice. If you yell at your child he or she will probably become more disruptive and in some cases they can become even louder! If this does not seem to calm your child try singing a song. Many children love to sing and this can quickly reduce temper tantrums. You only have to remember one or two of their favorite songs for this to be effective.

2. Do not let your child get away with any type of bad behavior. The only reason I suggest calming your child first is that you do need to be able to have a rational conversation with your child once he or she has calmed down. Well as rational as can be expected for your child's age! Once this happens you can talk in detail about the behavior. Ask your child questions about why and how they think this happened. You will quite surprised as to how your child responds.

3. Next you and your child need to think of some other ways to deal with the emotions he or she is feeling. Make a list together of how you expect your child to behave and talk about other ways of expressing that behavior, feelings or thoughts.It is important that your child can identify the feelings of being mad, angry or sad or happy. When your child has another tantrum point to the list of replacement behaviors.You will be surprised how much you have helped your child to reduce temper tantrums of the extreme.

Paradox - An Important Tool For Handling Your Oppositional Child

2010-05-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

A frustrated mom wrote to my Advanced Parenting blog with this plea for help: "When my child is being defiant and I tell them to sit down to rest until they are ready, they will just flat out refuse to do that. So what do I do then?" Defiance on top of defiance.

Oppositional behavior and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), which it seems this child suffers from, often go hand in hand. I want to look at one technique to attempt with oppositional children. It is simple and fun. It is PARADOX. Paradox has been very helpful with our child, and so I give it a high recommendation.

Dr. Don Williams, an eminent therapist in Palo Alto, California, refers to paradox as "the duct tape of parenting skills." Paradox allows us to tell our oppositional child to do what we do not actually want them to do. This gets our child's brain spinning. Here is what it might look like in that oppositional brain: "Let's see. If I do what Mom just told me to do, then she will get her way and I'll get to do what I really want to do, and if I don't do it, then I'll be in control and get my way but I'll actually be doing what Mom really wants."

In other words, if your child does what you just told them to do (what they really want to do), then they will be doing what you directed them to do. That of course is compliance, the last thing the oppositional child wants. When they do comply, you can praise them with pizzazz: "Good job of doing what I said."

Now, when your child refuses to comply and does the opposite of what you tell them, then they are doing what you really want. Opposition is about control, so your child may feel in control while you get the behavior you actually want.

Confused enough? Okay, let's look at our frustrated mom's question and see what kind of answer we can come up with. Clearly sweetums wants to be in control so refuses to sit down. Our frustrated mom might try something like this, "Sweetie, I'd like to see you burn off some energy, so please run around the house a few times." Or, "I want you to follow me around so that I can surprise you with hugs!" Or anything else that might be appropriate in the circumstances.

If the oppositional child decides to be consistent and oppositional and sits down instead, they might feel like they maintained control. And our frustrated parent got what she really wanted all along, she is a little less frustrated, and her stress levels decrease -- all to the good.

If the oppositional child decided to do as our parent directed, mom gets to praise kiddo's compliance: "Good job of doing what I told you to do!" And then mom gets to give hugs.

The most important thing about paradox: It is how you say it just as much as what you say. You MUST be playful and fun when giving a paradoxical direction. Sarcasm will not work. I repeat. Sarcasm will not work.

Caveat: no one technique works all the time. So be prepared for paradox not to work no matter how ingenious the paradox is and no matter how playful you are in giving the paradoxical direction. At that point, you breathe to calm your mounting frustration and anger and stay in the front of your brain to figure out something else to do.

How about you? Have you used paradox with your oppositional tyro? What were the circumstances and how did it work? Please send me an email and let me know.

Bed Wetting Solutions

2010-05-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

Many families are faced with the issue of having children wetting bed sheets and mattresses far beyond the date their parents may feel acceptable. They might be comforted to know that one in five children wet their beds on occasion, and that the number decreases to one in ten at 6 years and one in twenty at 7 years and at a similar rate of decrease in later years.

There are a number of causes associated with bed wetting, some physical, some mental. For some children the best bed wetting solutions is to let them outgrow it. However, it can become a burden on their social life, keeping them from participating at slumber parties, camp outs and can affect their self esteem. In such cases, many parents want to search for bed wetting solutions they can use to help their child overcome this tendency.

Before discussing bed wetting solutions, it's appropriate to point out that studies show that children who get punished or shamed for bed wetting tend to do worse than those who are not shamed or punished. The damage to the child's self esteem and confidence can also have other manifestations as well. So when looking for a solution to bedwetting consider these options, and give your child some room to grow out of it naturally.

• Alarms
There are a number of bed wetting alarms on the market that will go off when they sense moisture. While they tend to act after the fact, they can help reduce the impact of a full bladder if they wake the child in time to take action. This may help train them to wake when their body sense the bladder pressure in the future. The industry reports success rates for these alarms at about 70% with results occurring after about three months of use.

You may want to look for an alarm that offer multiple different alarm sounds, so your child doesn't get used to the sound and learn to sleep through it.

• DDVAP or Desmopressin
The body naturally produces a hormone that is an anti-diuretic that reduces the amount of urine the body produces at night and when we are asleep. In some people it may be necessary to supplement this hormone with DDVAP or Desmopressin. While effective, it carries some risks as do all drugs. Side effects can include seizures, so proper attention needs to be applied. Additionally, relapses can occur once the drug is discontinued.

• Rewards
Positive reinforcement in the form of a star chart or similar reward system may have some positive effect and have been tried by many parents, although there is no formal research to indicate that this approach is truly effective. When applied in a supportive manner, it can help in maintaining the child's own sense of self esteem. When applied with a punitive approach, it may undermine the child, and potentially add anxiety as a cause of future bed wetting.

• Anti-depressants
Prescription tricyclic anti-depressants have been a helpful bed wetting solution in come cases. They tend to change the child's sleep schedule, the amount of urine their body produces and seems to increase the body's ability to hold urine in the bladder. Unfortunately, these drugs have potentially serious side effects and an overdose could result in death. As such their use needs to be carefully supervised.

• Wake Up Training
This bed wetting solution relies on waking the child up on a strict schedule every night while the bed is still dry so they can go the bathroom. The goal is to get the child to learn to wake up on their own to relieve themselves. Some studies question the effectiveness of the approach, but combined with a reward system as described above may help reduce the negative self image issues and make achieving a positive result more likely.

While the medication and drugs above seem to be effective, they carry risks and the child is subject to relapse into a bed wetting pattern once they are discontinued. As such many parents restrict their use for special events and circumstances, such as family overnight trips, camps and sleepovers.

Most children will outgrow the bed wetting naturally. Supportive parenting and the effective use of the child bed wetting solutions described above will help in the interim. Use them with love and support your child during this potentially trying and emotionally challenging time.

Mother's Day Gift for the Mom Who has Everything

2010-05-10T05:23:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day gifts can be hard to buy, especially if your budget is tight, or your mom doesn't need anything, or has mostly everything she wants. Flowers, perfume, or candy are always good, but it's nice to come up with something unexpected and creative. Perhaps some of these ideas or variations on them will strike your fancy. Show mom how much you love her by thinking outside the box; she'll appreciate it!

idea 1) Get mom a gift card to her favorite store or restaurant. Gift cards may seem impersonal, but they allow the recipient freedom to shop or dine without thinking about the cost. Think of gift cards as a special treat. They give mom the opportunity to purchase something she might not otherwise, or to indulge in a special menu item.

Idea 2) You can pamper mom by treating her to a gift certificate to a salon or spa. A new haircut, a manicure, massage, or spa treatment are always a welcome reprieve from a mom's routine.

Idea3) Consider mom's interests and hobbies. Whether she likes sewing, scrapbooking, gardening, or photography, you can surely find a gift certificate to a store that sells related items and supplies, or better yet, you could pay for a class in her field of interest. Maybe your budget would allow enough for you to take the class with her, which doubles the gift in quality time spent together.

Idea4)

Earning Your Grandparents Rights

2010-05-10T04:09:00.001-07:00

Don't look to the United States Constitution, there are no grandparents rights clauses to be found. You can look into your state laws but what you will find is that every state has some semblance of grandparents rights law, however, each state law is different, they are not deeply rooted in precedent and the burden of proof sits squarely on the shoulders of the grandparents. The Supreme court ruled in June 2000, Troxel v. Granville Washington State, that in an effort to preserve the best interest of the child as well as the parents rights (protected by Constitutional amendments 1,5,9 & 14) the grandparents have to show that the grandchild will be harmed by not having visitation by the grandparent. This is a truly high legal bar to have to overcome. Things get further complicated by the fact that the laws that apply in most cases are the laws in the state in which the grandchild resides. One more bombshell is that if the grandchild is adopted in most cases grandparents rights are in effect terminated. Wow, what a bummer!

What to do? I refer back to the title of this article.

If you are looking for a silver bullet or guarantees you will need to take a strong magnifying glass and read the words etched on the back side at the base of a Unicorn's horn. There is no easy solution to grandparents rights for a lot of reasons. When I try to divine a viable solution to this issue I hearken back to an early college logic lesson to illustrate how complex an answer this is. It is called the IF/THEN syllogism: IF life is complicated (and it is) and family is complicated (and it is, exponentially) THEN family life is really, really complicated. Now try to write laws that fairly cover all circumstances for three generations in a family in today's society.

Please don't make the mistake of thinking I am taking a very serious subject lightly. Not at all. I just want to set the stage in the reality of the moment as it pertains to this subject of grandparents rights which is very near and very dear to this proud grandpa of six wonderful grand kids. I wish I had a message of fairness and simplicity, but wishing doesn't make it so.

When I started studying this subject a couple of years back I admittedly came at it from a purely self-interest point of view. As I immersed myself into legal briefs, case studies, grandparents organization reports, legislative actions and real life stories of grandparents struggling to hang onto a relationship with their grandchildren I have been buffeted between sadness, outrage, hope, admiration, gratitude and enlightenment.

As a result I have drawn the conclusion that the answer is simple (The best interest of the child is paramount) but it is anything but easy. The answer can't be legislated but it must be protected by every word of the law. The answer won't be the product of one person's thinking. The best interest of the child must be a product of everyone involved. The best interest of the child will require cooperation, not divisiveness at a very difficult time for the family unit.

The best interest of the grandchild will sometimes require grandparents to suspend judgment, withhold comments of opinion, support parental wishes they may not agree with and be present to your grandchild with all of your might. I am reminded of a question asked of me by a friend who was older and wiser than I. He ask "How much are you willing to pay to be right?". Keep that in mind every moment when it comes to your grandchildren and their parents. Do everything in your power in cooperation with the parents to facilitate the best interest of your grandchildren and you have a much better chance at your grandparents rights. There you have it, the answer as to "What to do". Be a Caring Grandparent with your grandchild's best interest always front and center.

I am a 65 year old proud grandpa that has taken up the mantle of making everything about the well being of the grandchildren. I write a blog, http://www.CaringGrandparents.com as a way of communicating the power and influence that we can have on our grandkids in concert with their parents. This is not about taking away but about adding to the parents rights and responsibility to raise loving and lovable children.

There are some sad and tragic stories out there, let's be part of the solution. With the divorce rate havering around 50% a divided family unit is a possibility, we need to learn how we can help rather than hinder this process should this happen in our family.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Charles_N_Taft

World's Best Grandparents - 3 Secrets to Create Your Legacy

2010-05-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

So now you're a grandparent. Congratulations! You have arrived to the phase of life with carefree days, adventures to be had, and solid bonds created with your grandchildren. After all, it's time to really enjoy life, right? And, without all the stress and responsibility that parenthood brought the first time around...it's going to be great.

But then... you wake up. But life also rewards those who lift themselves up. Accepting the reality of the world around us, we can achieve incredible goals so long as we have the means to light our way. Out of the darkness, you will climb towards achieving your life ambitions and legacy purpose. Want to know how? Here are 3 secrets to create your legacy:

#1 Focus: We all have a natural inclination to live within our world. After all, the only way we get to experience life is through our own two eyes. However, your legacy success requires a shifting of gears in your mind machine. You must first understand that your legacy is not about you! Sounds crazy? But it's true.

For your life purpose to blossom, you must truly first see your grandchild's talents, interests, and passions. No, not just a glancing take on them. To really see your grandchild requires a new type of focus.

#2 Self-Awareness: Most enjoy a modest degree of self-awareness. But, it's not our fault. Today, the world revolves at a chaotic place; an amazing amount of information overload and numerous expectations weighing in on you in the daily events. Any self-reflection is seldom had and rarely goes to the level of true insight.

Can you state your life purpose in a few words?

If that question made you pause, then your answer is no. And, it's an acid test that unlocking a deeper self-awareness is paramount to uncork your legacy success. Your legacy in the world is 100% unique to you. And, you must believe that inside you right now lies the wisdom, talent, and perspective of a lifetime that is truly magical. You have an inner gift lying dormant, begging to be released.

#3 Persistence: A thin, invisible line separates the truly greats among us from the masses whose dreams never come to pass. And there is no one, not a single person, whose broken free of that barrier without the third legacy secret. For the truly great know that success begins the moment you decide. Obstacles and setbacks are to be expected along the journey. Never an excuse to quit. The greats also recognize the power of coaching to remind, encourage, and motivate action towards our legacy goals.

You have just touched on 3 incredible secrets that could supercharge your life as you enter the blessed years of grandchildren. Secrets that will enable your grandparent legacy. So put a smile on your mug! And give a wink to your coffee mug, knowing that "World's Best Grandparent" is soon going to be incredibly more meaningful and rewarding. (And true too!)

Want to learn more secrets to create your legacy? Visit LoveMyGrandchild.com a unique site specially dedicated to inspire, encourage, and coach grandparents who wish to create a special bond with their grandchildren. Valuable to anyone who wishes to enrich their life experience, benefit from the wisdom of others, and discover your own true purpose. Sign up today for a FREE monthly newsletter full of life's special insights.

By the way, I have an important question to ask you... The Question: http://www.LoveMyGrandchild.com Website Intro Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08IsyMZ7_HY

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rob_Haywood

Our Biography on Our Retirement Life

2010-05-10T04:07:00.000-07:00

Our Biography explains how we enjoy our happiness during our retired life. Happiness and sadness are contradictory terms. We have to face adversities bravely and intelligently without losing our sense of humor. In order to be happy, our mental conviction must be rational and open minded to sustain happiness. Our children and grand children stay together not far from our house. We do our prayers early mornings and late nights.

Our top priority is to maintain our good health. Our preferences on nutritious food are fruits, fish, and green vegetables. We regularly eat raw garlic cloves since it keeps us away from the doctors. We practice meditation and yoga daily to enhance our mind power. There is no tangible reason why we cannot get immense happiness by practicing meditation and yoga. Canadians consume lots of raw garlic. Garlic promotes and maintains our health and mind control. It is the best God given natural medicine.

Our breakfast has fruit juice and bread slices. We start our exercises at the gym to flatten our belly, and to strengthen our shoulder muscles. We feel fresh when we finish our exercises. Back home, we have cold water shower bath. We drink tender coconut juice. We move on to play indoor games. We play bridge and snooker indoor games for two hours followed by a simple dinner. We then settle down for siesta while listening to light classical music.

We have our routine cultural programs in the evenings such as dancing, singing songs, chatting with friends, laughing, and so on. These are our daily social functions. It gives us immense pleasure in mixing with our fast friends. We love to chat with each other on common subjects. Laughter exercise is one of our favorite program in which we collectively laugh aloud at the top of our voice. Laughter exercise has several benefits, such as relieving mental stress, clearing our throats, and so on.

We disperse at the end of our cultural program in a jolly good mood. We have our light dinner late in the evening. We use our computers for creating work. To start with, we learn communication skills. It is important to enhance our communication skills in transacting with people. We need Interpersonal skills of greater awareness for effective communication skills. Communicating with prominent business people requires vast experience. Computer is the best user friendly device having versatile utilities.

Computer location is like having the whole world in our study room. We can access websites for online paid jobs of our choice. It is fun for us to have online home based jobs like marketing surveys, data entries, writing articles, and so on. We learn foreign languages free of charge. We have instant communications facility to contact our friends, relatives, and business associates.

We see two top movies in cinema theaters every month for our entertainment. We also see movies at home on the large LCD screen of our TV. We love traveling many interesting picnic spots. There are many fascinating and economical conducted tours. We traveled to Australia last year in springtime in our cuisine tour.

We saw picturesque islands, experienced the natural attractions, and enjoyed the fabulous tasty sea food. We had an extensive tour of Sydney. We saw museums, cruises, wildlife attractions, Blue Mountains Art gallery, Australian National Maritime Museum, Harbor Bridge Pylon Lookout, Koala Park, Museum of Sydney, Sydney Aquarium Sydney Observatory 3D Space Theatre, and so on.

G.Dinkar Rao

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gangolly_Dinkar_Rao

Grandparents As Parents - A Growing Trend in This Century

2010-04-28T02:56:00.000-07:00

Grandparents As Parents - A Growing Trend in This Century

You hear more and more news about grandparents as parents and this is becoming increasingly popular for a variety of reasons. If you are a grandparent and are in a position of protecting your grandchild, you may need to find out what the grandparents rights are in your state. You may have more rights then you thought and if you need to help your grandchildren you may want to learn what these rights are very quickly.

A grandparent may need to see temporary custody, full custody and possibly even adoption for their grandchildren and this is a very common situation in today's courts systems. It is possible to take full care of your grandchildren and this is especially true if your grandchildren are in danger. You may need to act quickly and the court process can take some time. You may need to contact an attorney right away to make sure that you have the best chances of getting your grandchildren to a safe place right away.

If you are seeking temporary custody of your grandchildren, you may have a parent that will cooperate and you will both be present at an attorney's office and this can be a relatively easy process. You will sign some papers and your attorney will file them with a court and this should be all you need to have temporary custody of your grandchild. You will then be able to get them all of the things that you need to that may not have been possible before.

If you are grandparents as parents because the grandchild has been abandoned with you, it will be necessary to file a motion for temporary custody very quickly. This is a situation where a parent may be able to walk in at anytime and leave with the child. If you feel this is unsafe you may want to use an attorney to file something very quickly to protect the best interests of the child. If you do not get something filed, the parent can come in and take the child even if you protest and you may lose your chance for rights.

Grandparents as parents are something that can be very tricky and you may need to tread very carefully to fully protect the interests of your grandchild. You should never sit back and watch a grandchild suffer and there are many resources to help you utilize grandparent's rights and you may want to explore them fully. Grandparents as grandparents need to seek out local groups for support and financial aid.

And as a grandparent please keep your grandchildren's best interest in mind. I hope that you are one of those lucky grandparents that has a good relationship with your grandchildren and their parents but if your are not please search out your options at grandparents rights The rights of grandparents as parents are certainly something to check out. I wish you all the best. Good luck with your grandchildren.
Jacquelyn Dunn

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jacquelyn_Dunn

Unwrap the Cotton Wool and Free Your Child

2008-09-23T22:18:00.001-07:00

If you are an overprotective parent chances are that your child will either develop into an overtly shy introvert or a totally out of control dissenter. Just like too much of something is never good, being a shadow around your children day in and day out is definitely not recommended. Parents should function more as facilitators in the development of the child at least after a certain age and not as someone who controls the development of the child at every stage. A little leeway and moderately monitored independence definitely helps create a more balanced and healthy child, which is able to hold its own in this big bad world. Unfortunately quite a few parents do not know where to draw the line and often fail to keep the natural instinct of fiercely protecting one's offspring within acceptable limits ,thereby ending up doing more harm than actual good.

Overprotective parents have to realize that they cannot hold their child's hand throughout its life. At some point of time, children may actually begin to resent parents for being so meddlesome in all their affairs. Worse still, they may develop into individuals who are insecure , seriously lack confidence and are completely unprepared to face the real world having being so dependent on the parents all along and never having been encouraged to interact and develop interpersonal skills .By guarding them and ensuring that they are there to take care of things every step of the way some parents deprive children of the opportunity to slip up, falter, make mistakes and learn from them, something that is so critical to the development of one's personality and social skills . Only when a child fails faces emotional and physical harm, suffers a broken heart or a few broken bones does he or she learn how to cope.

On the other hand you have children who have a little bit of that natural rebellious streak which just gets worse when they are not allowed to take their own decisions, cannot do things their own way and are always being told what to do and how to do it. Sometimes you don't even have to be a natural rebel. The frustration and forced dependence just riles them so much that even a docile child may end up revolting. Overprotective parents of teenagers especially often find themselves at the receiving end forcing them to introspect and figure out if they are going wrong as parents somewhere. The teenage years have their way of eliciting the strangest behavior and if you have made the mistake of being an excessively shielding parent you had better prepare yourself for facing the worst in case your child opts for the rebellious path rather than the diffident one.

Not all children who have led a sheltered life easily adapt to independent life particularly in the case of those who have to move out of home to go to college .That is if they are allowed to move away from their homes in the first place. The failure to differentiate between and identify what is right and what is wrong , on their own ,without help from parents which they are so accustomed to may send some spinning out of control. Often you may find these very kids indulging in binge drinking, substance abuse and petty crimes in a desperate attempt to blend in. A few others may end up being depressed and lonely because they just don't seem to fit in.

School and college administrators are always wary of over anxious parents. Not only do these parents not give their children the opportunity to lead a normal life, they also tend to meddle in school and college affairs. It is not rare to see a parent barge in to accost teachers whenever the child has an overload of homework, gets low grades or has not been given a slot on the school basketball team. In trying to do everything right in their children's lives and creating a perfect world for them, if one does really exist, parents fail to let them face the realities of life.

It definitely does not help to molly-coddle a child right up to adulthood and sometimes even beyond and then regret that the child has not turned out the way they had hoped it would. As parents they always have the right to judge what a child should or shouldn't do .After all the adage "parents know best" stems from the fact that they have spent a good number of years in this world and have definitely garnered more experience than the child. Parents would always want to protect their children from any bad experiences that they might have come across while growing up. However, parents should assess what their children are capable of and how safe they will be and sometimes let go and allow the child to experience things on its own rather than assuming that every path that the child takes is potentially dangerous. Only when parents step back ,take a reality check and let the child breathe can they be assured of their children growing up to be trusting, confident and independent adults.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Asma_Ashfaq

How to Prevent Your Child From Growing Up to Be a Procrastinator

2008-09-02T19:38:00.003-07:00

Procrastination is a widespread problem that never seems to go away. For many, this pesky habit began in childhood. Although we may look back on childhood as a carefree time, a child's life is structured around school. Parents and teachers rule, and children must obey.

Procrastination is all about dodging something unpleasant. Most of us want to escape from following the rules that are imposed by those in authority. Is your child starting to show signs of becoming a procrastinator? Does he postpone putting clothes away, doing homework, studying for tests, finishing projects, or being on time? Do you find yourself nagging, yelling or punishing to no avail? What's a parent to do?

These behaviors make sense if we look at them from a new point of view. Wouldn't you prefer to kick back, relax or play rather than go to work, do the laundry or mow the lawn? So would your children. Adults choose to go to work or do tasks while children have no choice. I call this type of delay tactic, "I don't wanna, and you can't make me!"

Did your parents call you lazy? Lazy is what they called you when you didn't do what they wanted. Do you tell your child that she is lazy? Negative labels can wound and continue to plague us years after we have left home.
When you are confronted with the "I don't wanna" behavior try the STOP, LOOK and LISTEN Plan.

STOP nagging. Take some time to be alone and think about the problem.
• What is your goal for your child? Be specific.
• Are your expectations fair and reasonable for a child this age? If in doubt, check it out with an expert.
• Remind yourself that most children don't want to do jobs they don't enjoy so why wouldn't they prefer to play?
• What is your attitude about doing your chores?

LOOK inside yourself. What are you afraid will happen if your child doesn't do his homework, chores, etc?
• Are you afraid that he will fail in school or in life?
• Are you afraid of what people will think about your child or about you as a good parent?
• Do you demand that your child do what you want because you want it that way? Why do you want it that way?
• Put yourself in your child's place. Remember when your parents or teachers put unreasonable demands on you.

LISTEN to what your child's behavior is telling you.
• Problem solve with your child and let her tell you what she would like to do.
• If you have a toddler you might make a game of picking up toys and clothes.
• You can discuss the problem with older children. Certain responsibilities are non-negotiable. Your son must do his homework, but let him decide whether he will do it before or after dinner.
• Set a timer and let your child do something she enjoys until it goes off. Turn your monarchy into a democracy and give your child a vote.
• Trust your children to tell you what they think and how they feel. Respect their ability to help find solutions.

When children are older have a family meeting and list the responsibilities and jobs that the adults think are appropriate. Let your youngster help with the list. Make a chart with three columns. Column one is the list of tasks. Column two denotes when or how often each item is to be completed. Column three lists a logical consequence that will occur if that particular assignment is not done. Allow your son or daughter to help decide what a fair consequence should be. Then, if you have to impose it, they will accept it more easily.

Criticism and punishment lead to fear of a harsh authority, which in turn leads the child to build up resentment and behave rebelliously toward authority figures in general. The outcome is procrastination. Use the Stop, Look and Listen Plan now and prevent your child from developing a lifelong habit that will lead to unhappiness and unpleasant consequences in the future.

Gloria Arenson is a Licensed Marriage ad Family Therapist. She is the author of How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, Born to Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips, and Procrastination Nation. For more information go to http://www.GloriaArenson.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gloria_Arenson

Dealing With the Stubborn and Argumentative Teen

2008-09-02T19:38:00.002-07:00

You will be surprised to hear that very few teenagers actually like to argue with their parents. It makes your teen feel unimportant and misunderstood.

Some teens will walk away from an argument throwing "You just don't understand!" your way, while others stubbornly keep trying to get you to hear what they are saying - and parent and teen wind up in a heated argument.

Arguments drive people apart, and you and your teen are no exception.

Why is it so easy to argue with a teenager?

Lack of expression - Due to the teen's lack of communication skills, their questions are easily perceived as criticism by parents - and we get defensive.

Desire to be independent - Teens want to be independent and have some input and control over their lives. They want to be able to make small decisions on their own, without the parent telling them how and when.

Curiosity - Teens are starting to get interested in life and what goes on around them. In their awkward way, they are attempting to get at the reason for our actions. They form opinions and wonder if our way is the only way.

Inflexibility - If your teen feels he is being controlled or pressured, he will either resort to stubbornly ignoring you and what you are saying, or he will argue.

In fact, your teen could get so focused on getting his way or to have his opinion heard, that nothing else will matter to him. For instance, repeatedly asking your teen to do his homework could result in him not doing his homework at all - and your teen will not consider how this will affect his grades.

A few simple steps to avoid this type of stubborn opposition:

Give your teen responsibility. Instead of arguing with your teen about homework, monitor his or her grades. Your teen may do surprisingly well. If not, you have a basis to sit down with your teen and discuss a plan on how to improve his or her grades.

Allow your teen to make decisions on matters you know he can handle. At the same time, let him know that you are ready and available if he needs help. Involving your teen in decisions about him does not take away a parent's power, but it shows your teen that you accept him as an individual and are ready to give him a chance.

Assign tasks, but step back and let your teen handle the details. There is a very good chance your teen will do the task differently than you would. For some parents it will not be easy at all to let the teen try it a different way when you know what works, but allow your teen to experiment.

Either you and your teenager will find that there is another way to come to the same result, or your teen will have to admit, after several wasted hours, that your way is the right way after all.

Some tips to avoid getting into heated arguments:

Don't allow your teen to get loud - Your teen needs to learn that not everybody has to think alike and that it is possible to discuss matters peacefully even if you don't share the same opinion.

You are in charge - Parents can end a conversation at any time and continue as soon as you both calmed down. Don't allow your teen to get rude.

Control your emotions - What your teen is saying might make absolutely no sense, lack any logic, or may be impossible. Don't let your emotions take over; stay calm, focused, and discuss facts.

Listen and ask questions - Restate what your teen is saying or asking to make sure you both are still on the same page. Find out where his or her opinion is coming from.

Once your teen feels that you are paying attention to what he or she is saying, whether you are validating it or not, they will no longer feel the need to argue in order to get their point across.

It also teaches your teen that he or she can indeed work with you through important life decisions. You will be surprised how quickly you will see a difference in the way you and your teen interact.

Christina Botto, author of Help Me With My Teenager - A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents that Workshas been involved with helping parents and teenagers resolve complicated issues for more than 14 years, observing and developing parenting strategies.

This article is available for reprint with author's resource box intact and all links live and clickable. Copyright is reserved by author.

Parenting your teenager doesn't have to be frustrating - visit Parenting A Teenager, where parents can find Christina's articles and book, news for Education K-12 and College, LIVE Counseling, and a variety of other tools and resources for parents of teenagers.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christina_Botto

Kids And Money

2008-09-02T19:38:00.001-07:00

Most people who do not have an endless supply of money find that they make purchase decisions centered upon three criteria. They make a wish list and base spending on the following: Is it a necessity for basic survival, a convenience, or a luxury?

However, many children don't need to make these kinds of decisions. They just convince their parents that all their desires are a necessity for basic survival. In other words, if their friends have the latest electronic device, owning it becomes a necessity. However, providing kids everything they ask for is a guaranteed recipe for developing a sense of entitlement.

Talking with a group of parents the other night, I found only one who had the backbone to say no to her kids when confronted with begging for money. I heard some lame excuses for not having the courage to say no, including, "Everything now is so much more expensive than when we grew up. It's too much to ask kids to earn the things they want."

Our job is to prepare kids to live in today's world, not yesterday's. That means telling kids to put their "wants" on their personal wish list. This provides time to decide if the "want" is a necessity, a convenience, or a luxury. If the "want" is a convenience or a luxury, it is worth earning.

Here is a useful activity to do with your kids.

1. Brainstorm all that it takes to keep your child's life going. Let the list flow freely as your child adds their ideas. You'll probably find that most of your child's suggestions will relate to fun, friends, and freedom. That's okay. All part of the plan. The idea is simply to come up with a list of what you and your child think is needed and wanted to keep their life running smoothly.

2. Identify which are needs and which are wants. A need is a necessity or essential requirement to live. A want is a desire, wish or longing. Wants can be divided up as a convenience - something that makes life easier, faster, better, more efficient, or more fun. Or a want can be a luxury - something wanted because it's nice, enjoyable, or beautiful, or because it brings comfort, satisfaction, or status.

3. Distinguish the needs from the wants in chart form, separated by a double line.

It seems only logical that if you're taking care of all or most of your child's needs, they should start buying some of the things they want. Parents are in a great position to teach their children how to spend, earn, save, and invest wisely as soon as purchases start crossing the double line into the wants category.

How? By giving kids lots of opportunities to buy the things they want rather than waiting in expectation for us to provide it.

By being given opportunities to practice providing for their own wants, children are being given opportunities to experience the first steps toward financial independence and freedom.

Bottom line: Wise parents teach their children the difference between needs and wants so that they'll know the difference as adults.

Jim Fay is the co-founder of the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. and one of America's most sought-after presenters in the fields of parenting and school discipline. His techniques are revolutionizing the way parents and professionals raise children. To learn more about Jim Fay or Love and Logic, visit http://www.loveandlogic.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jim_Fay

Reasons for Parenting Classes

2008-08-26T22:01:00.001-07:00

Parenting does not come with a handbook. In reality when you become a parent you are just supposed to know what to do. Most people parent according to how they were raised and what they learn from watching other parent. Some people read books and talk with professionals to learn how to parent. The bottom line is that everyone has to learn to parent in one way or another.

A good option to get some parenting skills and learn more about parenting is to take a parenting class. Parenting classes are aimed to help parents get ready to tackle the demands of parenting. Some classes are specific to certain aspects of parenting. You can take parenting classes to teach you something general or for help with a specific problem you are having.

Help with a Problem

Parenting classes are perfect when you need help with a specific problem. You should be able to find parenting classes that address many common issues in parenting, like discipline, bed wetting and temper problems. These classes are designed with your specific problem in mind and are a great way to learn how to handle whatever is going on.

You will also be in the class with other parents who are facing the same problems you are. This can be a great form of support to help you through the issues you are having. It is nice to know that you are not alone.

Learn a New Method

There are many approaches to parenting out there. Maybe you have decided that your method of parenting is not working and you wish to explore a different method of parenting. Parenting classes are perfect for this. You will be taught how to parent your child according to the chosen method.

The class will serve as a support group and a place where you can go to get information and help. You will be taught whatever you need to know to start implementing this new parenting method into your life.

Gain Certain Knowledge

Sometimes you can use parenting classes even when you do not have a problem. Maybe you just need to learn something new, such as breast feeding. You can take classes where you learn something new that you can use in your parenting.

Maybe your parenting style is working fine and you have no problems. That is fine, but parenting classes are not all about handling problems. You may just want to better yourself as a parent and they can be quite handy for that.

Learn how to be a better parent! There are free information for you to learn more parenting tips. Visit our website today ==> http://www.parentingskill.info

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joseph_Then

Where to Look for the Perfect Parenting Resource

2008-08-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

All parents need a good parenting resource of their own. Since parenting is such a tough occupation a parenting resource can help make things easier for any parent. How and where can a parent find a relevant parenting resource? There is no one sure and perfect parenting resource for everyone. A parent may have to determine for himself/herself which parenting resource is helpful and applicable. There are however specific areas where one can get a parenting resource. You can get your parenting resource from the following:

The Book and Video Haven

Any place where they sell or lend a vast selection of books and videos may be a parenting resource. You can go around looking for a bestseller parenting resource or something created by experts in the field of parenting and psychology to get a good parenting resource. Surprisingly, an experiential parenting resource account or even fictional stories of parenting may be useful parenting resource for the discriminating parent.

Comprehensive Sites and Links

Not surprisingly, the internet can have every kind of parenting resource imaginable. You have the option of checking out sites that will provide you with a comprehensive parenting resource section or one that will provide you with specific parenting resource information. You can also check link or .net sites if you want to have a brief overview of some other sites that may be good places for a parenting resource.

Message Boards and Others

You may prefer a parenting resource that’s highly practical and that comes from people who have actually experienced parenting. You can use parents’ forums and message boards as your parenting resource. In this kind of parenting resource you can swap stories and practical tips and information. A lot of parents may warm up to this kind of parenting resource because it is conversational, light and a fun way to go about talking about parenting.

Formal Classes and Support Groups

A clear and structured parenting resource may come from such formal areas as parenting courses and support groups. This type of
parenting resource will surely offer highly professional pieces of information. There is no doubt that if you enroll in a parenting resource class, you will get a load of theories and actual practice accounts from trained professionals in the field of parenting. Support groups can also offer parenting resource that may be both categorized as formal expert quality and personally supportive and uplifting in nature.

People You Know

A practical parenting resource source would be people you actually know. Your own parents, family, friends and colleagues may each be a parenting resource. Ask these live, actual parenting resource people what they can share based on what they know and their experience. This may be the cheapest and best parenting resource you can ever have.

However and wherever you choose to get your parenting resource make sure that your parenting resource is applicable to you and your family. Remember, not all families are the same.

Get more of Veronica Fisher's FREE Parenting Resource at http://www.parentingadvicetips.info.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Veronica_Fisher

Kids and Drugs - What Parents Need to Know

2008-08-20T09:00:00.002-07:00

As the parents of children growing up in today's society, you may be alarmed to read about the statistics dealing with drug abuse among kids. While many of these adults are familiar with the older drugs such as marijuana and cocaine, the newer ones may be confusing. The following is a brief explanation of some of these "New Age" drugs and the symptoms to look for if your children may begin abusing them.

One of the drugs that you may have heard of is "ecstasy," which is the street name for MDMA (methylenedioxymethamphetamine). This drug causes hallucinations and also acts as a stimulant. Used by many children much in the way that people used LSD in the sixties, the effects of using MDMA are much the same as those caused by amphetamines and cocaine. These include sleeplessness, confusion, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and drug cravings. It also causes muscle tension, profuse sweating, and an increase in blood pressure and heart rate. Usually found in a white pill form, this drug is also known as "Adam" and "XTC." If you suspect that your child is taking "ecstasy," you should talk to him and explain the dangers involved in using this particular drug. If a user ceases to abuse MDMA, there are no withdrawal symptoms that are known to accompany some other substances.

While many parents know what cocaine is, many do not realize that crack is also a form of this drug. Powdered cocaine is mixed with water and baking soda and heat is applied, leaving a rock of purified cocaine. This crack rock is then smoked, giving a more intense "buzz" than regular cocaine can give. Due to the activity of smoking as compare to snorting this drug, the effects of crack last for a much shorter amount of time.

The symptoms of crack use are much the same as they are for regular cocaine. These side effects include hyperactivity, increased heart rate, and higher blood pressure. Due to cocaine's effect on the appetite, excessive use can lead to serious malnutrition and a substantial weight loss. Long term or large quantity use can lead to a heart attack, stroke, seizures, respiratory failure, and even death. As the addiction to crack is mostly psychological, there are no physical withdrawal symptoms when the user quits.

Prescription drug abuse is also becoming a growing problem among America's youth. One such drug is oxycontin, a pill that is used as a painkiller. Also known as "hillbilly heroin," young people tend to smash the capsules, allowing them to snort or swallow a more potent dosage of the drug than the time-released capsule will allow. The resulting "high" is compared to the buzz that people receive when doing heroin, thus the nickname. Many drug centers are reporting large numbers of cases of oxycontin addiction in young people, many of which had no legal prescription for the drug.

The symptoms of this drug include euphoria and may be accompanied by stomach and bowel problems. It can also cause respiratory problems and organ failure when used over a long period of time. When a long time user is taking off the medication, they will experience withdrawal symptoms similar to those of other addictive drugs, such as heroin. If you think that your child is abusing oxycontin, you should confront him immediately. If he experiences withdrawal symptoms, you should seek medical help as he may become very ill and disoriented.

These are just a few of the many drugs that seem to be becoming a problem with today's youth. If you have any questions or concerns about your child's possible drug usage, you should talk to a doctor or other health professional to make sure that you have all the information that you will need to help your child overcome his drug dependency.

Find helpful and creative ideas for parents and grandparents while you shop our affordable kids furniture. For more information, visit this article on wooden toy boxes.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Scarlett_Capelli

Parenting a Troubled Kid - Part 3 of 10

2008-08-20T09:00:00.001-07:00

In the last two articles I discussed the disadvantages of control and the benefits of liberation with naturally occurring consequences.

This article is about nature. The nature of your kid. Kids represent the variety of personalities that have ever existed. Often times the personality of a kid will be in polar opposition to that of a parent. I know for a fact, I have one, ha ha. By nature I am conservative, I do not like loud noises or people talking loudly or freaky clothes. Well meet my oldest daughter the most outgoing person on the planet. She is a beautifully creative person, and has no sense of personal conservatism in the least.

I want to talk about the nature of your kid because if you can not accept the fact that your child is a different person than you are, you will consciously and subconsciously sabotage your relationship with them. You will also cause them self esteem issues with your constant nagging of what you do not like about them. Your duties as a parent to protect them and guide them into good moral people will be contaminated with your own personality clashes.

Many times a parent who suffers from this will nag their kids into submission thinking they are shaping their personality into a better person. Please take the time to absorb this message, it is really the object of this whole essay. It is not the right or the duty of the parent to change who their kids are! What gives a parent the arrogance to think they have the right to change who their kids are? Well perhaps when the parent gets a child who is a much different person than they have always imagined? Or perhaps they get a child whos personality is just opposite and annoying?

What are things a parent would try to control and force out of a child? Perhaps the kid comes off as lazy. Well we were all taught that being lazy is bad right? So the kid gets called lazy in daily comments or parental reviews. Over time the parent gets so fixated on this point that they create the largest mountain out of a mole hill and create a self fulfilling prophesy. So what if your kid is lazy? Don't condemn your kid for being who they are. Inspire them to do better. That's your job parent. With some effort you can find projects to get them off the couch, finding things that they actually want to do.

Bad music, horrible clothes, weird friends all things some of us conservative parents have had to really deal with. In reality kids have always tried to stretch out of the social limitations they faced in every generation. This is normal, this is progress and this is very necessary to society. If it were not for this normal expansion we wouldn't be watching leave it to beaver anymore because that would be so normal it wouldn't be interesting. Would anyone seriously want to live in 1950 again?

Kids have to explore who they are. Every kid was born with a unique personality that will grow and evolve. In this process sometimes they reach a little farther than they need too just to see whats there. So let them. Your example as a parent carries much more weight than you can even imagine. What you do, and not what you say, is impressed on your kids on a daily basis. This is your keystone that will guide your kids back to you over and over again, as long as they have your respect and not your control.

You can not turn a shy dog into an attack dog or vise versa. You can not change fundamental personality. Accept your kids unique differences from you and allow them to grow in inspiration and not condemnation.

Society tries to place all kids within a range of what they call normal. This includes normal grades, normal behavior, normal interests, normal sexual orientation. As soon as a kids fundamental personality move them out of this range they are labeled as not being normal and as a result often times face the same criticism from parents. Sometimes being medicated with speed based medications so their behavior will be more tolerant.

If a kid is out of this normal range, and you try to squeeze him or her back in, you are squeezing a square peg into a round hole. You are trying to change the fundamental personality to fit what other people say are the boundaries he or she should fit into. This can not be done, not because I say so, but because it cant work. Don't let society convince you that your child has to conform to be considered normal. I find that with kids who are not normal, that they are much more special than normal kids in the most interesting ways.

The key here is to allow your children to be who they are, while you manage your own set in your ways mentality of whats the right thing to do. Inspire your kids, never stamp out their instinctive natures. 99 percent of a parents condemnation to their child is always about a pre-wired program running in the parents head about what should be. The bottom line here is, cant we love our kids enough to raise them up to their highest level with acceptance, love and guidance and not take out our beliefs on who they should be.

Tony Hanes, Author Baboo Says - A Life Manual for Kids
http://baboosays.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tony_Hanes

Preschool Learning - Outdoor Activities & Field Trips For Learning

2008-08-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Preschoolers, toddlers and young children are always learning. When they observe, touch, see and smell - they are learning. It is a never ending part of their young lives. This 'learning' fact is a big reason why it is important for children to experience new things and new environments.

As parents and teachers there are a variety of places or activities that we can provide our kids for our kids to learn from.

Field trips or nature walks create wonderful outdoor activities for children and preschoolers to learn new things. Field trips and nature walks etc do not have to be a hassle but can be simple places where children can observe and learn new things.

Possible Field Trip places where you can take your children or students:

*Police station: Children can learn about the police, what their function in the community is as well as details about the work they do to enforce the law etc.

*Fire Station: Preschoolers and toddlers can learn about fire fighters, their job details. They can learn about the fire trucks, how they help pump water and how firemen keep us all safe, plus learn about fire safety etc.

*SPCA or Humane Society: Children learn about the animals in the animal shelters. They learn how important it is to respect and care for animals properly. They can also learn about duties in the animal shelter etc. As a group you maybe able to walk a few dogs or play with a few small animals.

*Seniors Home or Retirement Home: Preschoolers and young children learn to respect the elderly and infirm. They can talk and socialize with the residents and put a smile on many of the faces of those who are confined to these senior's homes. This is a positive rewarding experience for all.

* Library: Children can learn about all the books. They learn why libraries are important, what librarians do and maybe even have a few stories read to them from the children's book section.

* Greenhouse: Preschoolers can learn about what grows and can be grown in greenhouses. How greenhouses work all year long. How to care for plants, flowers, trees etc. They also can learn about different colors found and different smells.

* Zoo: Preschoolers & children learn what zoo's do, what keepers are and their job duties and how they care for the animals. Children may also learn about different animals that are native to their country and those from other countries. The may also learn about different classes of animals like birds, reptiles, mammals etc.

* Garden Park: Children may learn about landscaping, gardening, different types if plants, flowers and shrubs. They may also learn about different colors and caring for the environment etc.

* Splash Park (Water Park for kids): Great for a hot day where kids can play and have fun cooling off. Remember to ALWAYS use appropriate sun block and SUPERVISE children when in the hot sun and around water.

* Walk in the Forest (nature walk): Children learn to observe nature. What they hear, what they see, smell etc. They can collect leaves, pine cones, acorns, chest nuts, pine needles and other things which can be examined using magnifying glasses in the classrooms as a kids science activity or use these things to create an art project of some sort with the children. (*Always stay on the trail unless you are familiar with different poisonous plants like poison ivy and other things that could make things unpleasant or unsafe for you and the children.)

* Conservation Area: Children can learn about taking care of lakes, rivers, swamps, marshes etc. They also learn different tree species, different types of animals that live in the forests. They may learn about animals that come during the day and one's that come out at night. There maybe opportunities to learn about sap producing trees and maple syrup etc.

* Go to a Children's Venue (Play or author): Children can watch a child's play or see a popular children's author when they come to town to read a story or sing music.

* Safety Village: Children learn about safety. They learn why it is important to be safe and various things related to laws and obeying rules and how they will benefit from respecting these things.

* Train Station: Preschoolers love trains! They can learn about trains, they can watch them come in to the station. They may even be lucky enough to hear a whistle, talk to a train operator or have a small tour on a train.

* Airport: Children and preschoolers can see all the small airplanes (maybe bigger ones) depending what size airport. They can learn about air traffic, how planes fly and how they communicate etc. They may get to talk with a pilot or other workers and learn about their job duties.

* Grocery Store: Children can learn about different foods. They can learn about food groups, how food is shipped to stores and learn about healthy food choices etc.

* Pet store: Children and preschoolers love pets. A local pet store may welcome a small tour and show off some of their birds, cats and puppies for the children. They can learn about caring for animals and feeding them etc.

**The list of places where field trips and preschool learning can take place is endless. Use your imagination to think outside the 'box'.

These places usually have some sort of tour, can arrange a tour or would just welcome a visit from some young children or preschoolers who are eager to learn some new things!

Outdoor Activities & Seasonal Activities For Kids:

Different seasons & weather present different field trip opportunities and outdoor activities for children.

For Example:

Winter time may allow for a different type of nature walk or a trip to a conservation area to learn about maple syrup. Spring time and autumn may create different focus on outdoor activities as well.

Summer time may allow more opportunities for recreation activities like splash parks, water parks; trip's to beaches or picnics etc.

Preschoolers love these outdoor activities and field trip activities. They always are eager to learn from the things around them, learn more about the people who make up the community they live in as well as learn about animals and nature.

Marisa Robinson E.C.E is a Professional childcare educator working with children all having a variety of different educational and behavioural needs.

Marisa is the main professional, content provider for the websites: http://www.preschoollearningonline.com and http://www.activityschoolbus.com/preschool_themes1.html

Marisa's many years of childcare experience and training has made her a reputable source of information and knowledge for childcare related issues.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marisa_Robinson

Tips on Hiring Your Nanny Wisely (And Consider Nanny Cams Almost Disposable)

2008-07-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

One of the most important decisions you have to make in your children's lives is the hiring of their nannies. You will be entrusting your children's well-being to complete strangers! Though nanny cams can serve as deterrents to a nanny abusing your children (if she knows that these are present, with emphasis on "can" as spy cameras will only capture footages and not actually stop abuse and neglect), there is no substitute for a comprehensive hiring process.

Nanny Agency

Unless you have a good friend and neighbor who happens to be an experienced nanny, the best place to go for prospective childcare providers are nanny agencies. These agencies usually perform preliminary background checks - education, experience, personal references, and even psychological testing - copies of which should be forwarded to you.

Also, nanny agencies can have policies and draft agreements on nanny cams that you can refer to. You have to clearly understand these policies so that you can search for other agencies should you find them unsuitable to your needs.

Personal References

You should not rely on the documentary personal references alone. Call the persons listed in the resume as character references. You can ask questions like work performance, duties and responsibilities, and even reaction to nanny cams. You must, however, introduce yourself and state the reason for your call.

Background Checks

You should be as thorough as possible about performing background checks. This does not mean that you have to enlist the Federal Bureau of Investigation, only that you must insist that all background checks are completed by the agency.

Incomplete background checks can lead to abuse and neglect being captured on your nanny cams. Even if the nanny performed well in past employments, you might just be unlucky enough to be the victim of nanny duplicity.

Interviews

You should avoid hiring nannies on the first interview. You can conduct two personal interviews at the minimum, where you can ask questions like childcare philosophy and ideas, personal interests, discuss compensation package and work expectations, and opinions on nanny cams.

The disclosure and discussion on nanny cams is a must. You can give the prospective nanny the opportunity to back out of the hiring process without negative implications should she express hesitance with their presence.

After the two personal interviews, you also need to conduct a working interview. You can observe how she interacts with the children (under your supervision) as well as study how the children take to her. Only after being satisfied with the above procedures should you consider hiring the nanny.

Work Agreement

Before actually employing the nanny, be sure to formulate a detailed work agreement signed by you and the nanny. This document should spell out specific duties like house chores, childcare tasks, and use of supplies, provisions for meals, accommodations and transportation, among others.

During the first few days of employment, you have to spend time getting acquainted with your nanny like daily conversations and updates, occasional and surprise visits during working hours, and if necessary, scheduled meetings on important matters. Most important of all, respect your nanny and show confidence in her abilities.

Nannycam - Three Top Questions Nannies Should Ask When There's One Around

2008-07-15T07:55:00.002-07:00

Nanny jobs are demanding. But if you love children, the job should not be taxing, but rewarding. If you are a stay-in nanny, you will have a place to stay. You get free meals and a chance to travel abroad in some instances. But if there is a nannycam, how should you deal with it and what questions should you ask to protect yourself from unwanted surveillance?

Nannies Have the Right to Ask Question Too

When the nanny scare hit the headlines, parents took up arms to defend their rights to install a nannycam in every room purportedly to monitor the nanny's activities. But the law is stern in protecting nannies and other workers. Hence, some states make it illegal not to tell nannies that there are home surveillance cameras around.

As a nanny, you understand this concern. But how about your right to privacy? Here the questions you should ask before you're hired as a nanny:

* Ask about the presence of cameras. Do not wait for the prospective employers or the nanny agency to tell you if a nannycam is installed in the home. It is not that you have something to hide, but it is a measure of protecting yourself from abusive surveillance. Be guided by the existing local laws on home surveillance; you will know your and your prospective employer's limitations on the subject of home surveillance. As in any job, it is always smart to start on the right footing.

* Ask if a nannycam is installed in your assigned quarters. The law definitely prohibits positioning hidden cameras in areas where privacy can be violated. There should also be no spy cameras in the bathroom or dressing room.

* Ask if the nannycam is hooked up to the Internet. You are not trying to be too nosey, but knowing it is makes you confident that the parents are aware of anything suspicious while you're bathing the baby or preparing his food, and they can alert you immediately.

Asking these questions shows you are aware of the issues related to home surveillance. But assure them you do not mind the presence of nanny cameras, as long as you are guaranteed your privacy.

Don't view the nannycam as an enemy tool. It can prevent parents from accusing you of any wrong-doing - the video camera will provide the proof that you've followed their instructions to the letter.

You've Found a Hidden Camera, Now What?

If you have heard of rogue nannies, then there are also rogue couples. It is still in your best interest to act as if there is a hidden camera in your room and in the bath. You will never know unless you discover a hidden camera by chance.

If you have found a nannycam in your room, leave it as it is and do not confront your employers about the discovery. A confrontation may lead to violence. You have two options - stay and keep quiet, or look for another job.

If you quit the job, report the matter to the police, but you need evidences to back up your claim that a pinhole camera was installed in your room. Your employers can deny this and with no back-up proof, think where it will lead you.

In your next nanny job, be wiser. Do your own "bug" sweep in your room and bath with a wireless hidden cameral detector. This may cost you, but it will be worth it. As for the nannycam, let it be.

How to Talk to Your Child About Infidelity-Cheating

2008-07-15T07:55:00.001-07:00

When you find out that your spouse has been unfaithful, it is one of the most difficult things that you will ever have to endure. If you're the one that has cheated, you probably realize the amount of pain that is inflicted on your spouse. What you may not comprehend is the pain that your child can feel because of infidelity. This article discusses how to talk to your children about infidelity and cheating and it also provides some important tips that will help you in this situation.

Most experts will tell you that explaining the definition of infidelity to your child and explaining to them what happened with your relationship is not a good idea. In many respects, they're right. Children do not have the emotional stability and maturity to deal with adult problems and you should not try to force them to do so. However, they need to understand the changes that are occurring, and that avoiding or ignoring the issue at hand is not an option. One positive solution to this difficult situation is simply to get together with your spouse and agree upon what information to tell them. Your children need to talk to both you and your spouse. This is extremely important. Just because you and your spouse are having problems doesn't mean you're not both still parents. Talk to each other for the sake of your children and decide what's best to tell them. Whether you decide to explain that Mom and Dad are having problems right now and leave it at that, or you decide to tell your kids that Mommy hurt Daddy's feelings (or vice versa), the communication must happen together.

As you talk to your children, it is very important to tell them how much they are loved and assure them that they are still loved by both parents and that nothing can ever change that. Children might feel insecure or inadequate when there are problems between their parents. They can sometimes feel as if they are the root of the problem or that things will change so drastically that their parents won't love them anymore. It is important to reassure your children that these fears and insecurities are false. Another misconception parents have, is that they can talk to their children once and things will be alright. This is not true. Depending on your child, you may need to talk to them and reassure them several times, possibly even daily. Because they don't completely understand what's going on or what is happening between their parents, children need constant reassurance. Spending quality time with them as often as you can is a good idea as well. Using the tips and advice above on how to tell your children about infidelity, you can help them regain and maintain some form of normalcy.

Exceptionalities - Beyond the Labeling

2008-07-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

I work in Early Childhood Education field, where we see a lot of exceptionalities in young children. The term is something that came about as a way of referring to anyone who has been diagnosed with any kind of developmental or physical disability by a doctor (pediatrician in most cases of younger children) The most common diagnosis we see are Autism, ADD, ADHD, ODD and Bi-Polar.

I've noticed a very distinct difference between working with the parents of children who have already been diagnosed, and working with the parents of children who are showing indicators of possible problems, but who have not been diagnosed. People who I come across in my work have said on more than one occasion "Boy, it must be difficult to deal with all those diagnosed cases?" My response to them is simple. I'd rather deal with a case that has already been diagnosed, rather than a child who is showing indications of a larger problem and hasn't been.

I know what you're thinking...

"Oh, you like knowing what the label is. It must make it easier?"

Nope, that's not it.

The answer lies in the parents of the children who HAVEN'T been diagnosed. You see, the parents who have the diagnosis already are one step ahead of the game. They have already gotten beyond the initial phase of wondering why their child seems to be a bit different from the others. They are on a path of thoughtful planning to create the most successful environment for that child possible. They are beyond the labeling.

Labels have taken on such a stigma in our culture today. The number one concern parents have in my experience, is that their young child gets labeled. But the label can be a good thing. It isn't a life sentence of having a term attached to you. In many cases, labels can come and go inside of less than a year's time. Imagine if your child was having troubles at age three. If I told you that I could cure whatever was going on in less than a year, would you allow a label for that time frame?

The fact is that the fear of labeling has more to do with the parent than the child. Children are tough and resilient. Parents I beg you...let's not hold vital services that could have long-lasting POSITIVE effects on your child at arm's length because of your fears. Let's be honest with ourselves and do what is best for the child as early as we can.

Tattling - How to End the Tattle Battles Between Children and Create Peace of Mind For You

2008-07-15T07:51:00.001-07:00

"Tattling can be a perfect time to teach young children critical communication skills."

"Mommy he's looking at me funny." "Oooh Mommy she's picking her nose."

If you are a parent of a child nine or younger, you have probably heard words like those a thousand times, and that's only in the past hour!

Tattling can be so annoying, that it's easy to turn a deaf ear. And why not? Most tattling issues are really pretty unimportant.

But wait! Tattling is not trivial when kids are learning how to relate to one another.

In fact, tattling can be a perfect time to teach young children critical communication skills that will help them their whole life. Many people say tattling is just trying to get someone in trouble, manipulate, or seek revenge. Nothing could be further from the truth.

While kids are sometimes, even frequently, tattling to get their own way, they are often telling you how another child has broken a rule or are worried about something and don't know what to do. They think they are doing the right thing by telling you. Though it may be a minor, even silly, offense in your eyes - something that should be let go, your child is learning important communication skills, and whether to believe you when you set rules.

Yet getting involved in every little squabble your kids have would not only send you to the funny farm, it would make your children totally dependent on you. Not a pretty picture.

A better way . . .

Teach your children how to make decisions and work out certain problems themselves through reporting. If you take the point of view that there is no such thing at tattling, it's all reporting. The question becomes, "What do you report to whom?" Then you can teach your kids key people skills that will help them all throughout their life!

How to Teach Reporting to Your Child

Step one is to explain the different types of reporting to your child.

Types of Reporting:

When someone is

Could get hurt or is in danger - report to an adult
Doing something that bugs you - report it to the child who is bothering you.
Doing something that's not hurting anyone and not really a problem for anyone- report it to yourself

Once you have the basics down, the next step is to calmly and kindly work with your child over several weeks until he or she understands the differences, and has developed the communication skills needed to report effectively.

Why Attachment Parenting Is Disastrous For Children

2008-03-01T03:48:00.001-08:00

Attachment parenting is a new parenting fad and its number of devotees are growing. This style of parenting places children at the centre of the mother-child relationship and flies in the face of how we have raised kids for thousands of years.

Attachment parenting means kids are breastfed until they choose to stop - four, five, six years of age. It doesn't matter. They stopped when they want - no weaning please.

Attachment parenting means kids are not nappy or potty-trained. Mothers do the toiletting not the kids. They poo and pee when and where they want.

Attachment parenting means that the child sleeps with his mother, while their father is relegated to another room. Those who practise attachment parenting put their lives on hold.

For thousands of years we have raised kids to fit in with family or group norms. Healthy child-rearing is about children fitting in, rather than the other way around.

Developmentally, kids are required to grow away from the parents. Attachment parenting stops them from separating and makes children helpless and dependent on parents for longer than necessary.

Healthy families know a child's place in the person, partner and parenting triangle. When we put the person first (yes, you do have a life) and the partner second (if you have a partner you nurture this relationship) we have the ideal conditions to be an effective parent. Attachment parenting denies the person a life of their own and places the mother-father relationship at the periphery rather than the centre of the family.

Where to Look for the Perfect Parenting Resource

2008-03-01T03:38:00.000-08:00

All parents need a good parenting resource of their own. Since parenting is such a tough occupation a parenting resource can help make things easier for any parent. How and where can a parent find a relevant parenting resource? There is no one sure and perfect parenting resource for everyone. A parent may have to determine for himself/herself which parenting resource is helpful and applicable. There are however specific areas where one can get a parenting resource. You can get your parenting resource from the following:

The Book and Video Haven

Any place where they sell or lend a vast selection of books and videos may be a parenting resource. You can go around looking for a bestseller parenting resource or something created by experts in the field of parenting and psychology to get a good parenting resource. Surprisingly, an experiential parenting resource account or even fictional stories of parenting may be useful parenting resource for the discriminating parent.

Comprehensive Sites and Links

Not surprisingly, the internet can have every kind of parenting resource imaginable. You have the option of checking out sites that will provide you with a comprehensive parenting resource section or one that will provide you with specific parenting resource information. You can also check link or .net sites if you want to have a brief overview of some other sites that may be good places for a parenting resource.

Message Boards and Others

You may prefer a parenting resource that’s highly practical and that comes from people who have actually experienced parenting. You can use parents’ forums and message boards as your parenting resource. In this kind of parenting resource you can swap stories and practical tips and information. A lot of parents may warm up to this kind of parenting resource because it is conversational, light and a fun way to go about talking about parenting.

Formal Classes and Support Groups

A clear and structured parenting resource may come from such formal areas as parenting courses and support groups. This type of parenting resource will surely offer highly professional pieces of information. There is no doubt that if you enroll in a parenting resource class, you will get a load of theories and actual practice accounts from trained professionals in the field of parenting. Support groups can also offer parenting resource that may be both categorized as formal expert quality and personally supportive and uplifting in nature.

People You Know

A practical parenting resource source would be people you actually know. Your own parents, family, friends and colleagues may each be a parenting resource. Ask these live, actual parenting resource people what they can share based on what they know and their experience. This may be the cheapest and best parenting resource you can ever have.

How To Raise Kids The Right Way

2007-07-09T02:55:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you ask yourself why you had to get pregnant and why you had to get kids. You where in love and you had no worries in your life what so ever. You spend your life kissing, hugging, feeling and cuddle all day long. Now, all you can hear is burping, screaming and farting. What did happen? What did happen to your precious life? It will never be the same again. Ever! The next twenty years there will be no kissing, no romance, no hard feelings and absolutely no sex! You feel like you pushed the hold button and that button will have to stay in for another 20 years. Your life has suddenly became a nightmare! There is no way out.

This is exactly how first time parents think sometime. Especially men. The lady in your life has suddenly been taken away from you. Life is brutal. I ask myself how it is possible to think like this when you just have experienced the biggest miracle in life. I have 3 kids. And I can tell you that it was no walk in the park raising them. 2 boys who where fighting all the time and 1 girl who thought she was queen of the world. The first thing, when it comes to parenting, you have to remember that everything you do is out of love. You have to be strict. You have to set down ground rules. You have to tell them what is right and what is wrong. You have to give the a curfew. You have to ground them sometimes.

They will scream at you at tell you that you are the worst parents who ever set your foot on the face of the earth. And you will begin to cry sometimes. Your kids will cry many times. This is just how being a parent is all about. It is an emotional roller coaster. It is ten times worse then being a teenager.

What I discovered when my kids where small was that talking to my kids was very important. About everything. Everything from the birds and the bees to riding a bicycle. By doing this you are telling you child that you are are there for him, through everything. You will stand by him no matter what. You are there if your kid needs you. You are telling him that he can come to you and tell you that he have broke up with his girlfriend, having trouble at school, failed at soccer try outs, gotten beat up at school, lying to his teacher or whatever! You are there for him and always will be. That is very important for your child. Just knowing he has a mother or father, the best is both, that cares for him and loves him.

Tell me. What is the most important thing in your life? If you said my kids you are absolutely right. And I guess you will do everything in your power to raise your kids so that they will grow up to be the human beings that everybody likes and look up to. If you manage that you have done a fantastic job. But even if you kid grow up to be a person that few people like you still going to love him. But it is much easier for your son or daughter to grow up if he or she lives in a world with lots of friends and people around him or her. I guess that is what you want to parents? If you do. Go to work parents! Go to work.

Free Fun for Kids

2007-07-09T02:54:00.002-07:00

Being a stay-at-home mother of 3 kids I constantly hear "We're bored", so I created a list of things we can do for no money (or almost no money). I've broken it down into 2 categories: inside and outside.

Inside Activities:
* Go on a treasure hunt - look for a missing sock or toy, or just hide something for them to find. You can even draw a map to find the treasure.
* Read a book - Go to your local library and check out a book then read it together. Talk about what happened in the story.
* Make a collage from old magazines, photos, junk mail, newspapers or anything else you have around the house.
* Play post office. Using some of the junk mail we all get pretend to send and receive letters. You can also write your own letter or draw pictures and pretend to mail them.
* Play store. Pretend to shop for groceries, clothes, or anything else you can think of. One person can be the salesperson and the other person can be the customer.
* Play restaurant. One person can be the waiter and the other person can be the customer. Pretend to take the order, prepare the food, serve the food and collect payment.
* Let the kids help you cook. Even the littlest kids can help pour or stir under your supervision.
* Watch a movie together. Check out one from your local library or rent one from a video rental store. Then break out the popcorn and enjoy the show.
* Play hot and cold. One person hides an object and the other has to find it. When the seeker gets close the are getting warmer and when they are moving away from the object they are getting colder.
* Start your own band. Use pots and pans for drums. Pizza pans, pot lids and wooden spoons work well also.
* Act out a story. Many people know Little Red Riding Hood or Three Little Pigs.
* Make a fort using pillows, blankets and sofa cushions.
* Put together a puzzle. You can also make a puzzle of your own by drawing a picture, cutting it into pieces, and then have fun putting it together again.
* Play dress-up. Let them wear your clothes, shoes and make-up.
* Have a picnic inside.
* Tell them a story. Your favorite trip, holiday, a funny event, etc.
* Color with crayons or color pencils. There are tons of site online to print out free color pages with every cartoon character you can imagine. Another option is draw your own pictures that tell a story.
* Get a cardboard box and let them play. Depending on the size it could become a car, house, space ship, train, castle, etc. Many grocery stores will give you boxes if you ask.

Outside Activities:
* Visit a local or state park.
* Visit a local playground. Many apartment complexes have playgrounds for their tenants which anyone can use unless it says for tenants only.
* Play tag - our favorite is freeze tag.
* Search for acorns, leaves, flowers, seeds, or four leaf clovers, etc. See who can find the most or find one first.
* Go for a walk in the snow.
* Make a snowman or snow family or anything out of snow. Check out my aunt's site at www.snowart.org for really neat snow creations using food coloring.
* Watch the sunset in the evening or sun rise in the morning.
* Look for stars or planets in the night sky.
* Have a snowball fight.
* Search for tracks - squirrel, deer, dog, cat, people, bird, etc.
* Plant seeds and help them grow. One inexpensive way to get seeds is to get them out of pumpkins, watermelons, apples, cucumbers, peppers and then plant them outside or in a plastic cup.
* Visit friends or neighbors.
* Have a picnic outside.
* Go to the beach, a lake, a river and enjoy the view or go for a swim.
* Make mud pies.
* Play in a sprinkler or in a baby pool.
* Go for a walk.
* Rake leaves into a big pile and jump in.

Most kids just want to spend time with people who care about them. If you include them in some of what you do each day it will help them learn about this great, big world around them.

Free Fun for Kids

2007-07-09T02:54:00.001-07:00

What Makes a Good Parent?

2007-07-06T02:23:00.001-07:00

What turns ordinary people into good parents? People are not born with good parenting skills; Parenting is a skill that is learned over a period of time. A good parent learns from their environment and passes what they have learned down to their children.

Often, when a couple finds out that they are going to be parents, several things go through their mind. What kind of parent will I be? How do I raise a child? Can I be a good parent? Panic will overtake them and they often rush to the local bookstore to purchase loads of parenting books and magazines to teach them how to become good parents.

While reading parenting books is a good resource, and can give you some insight into how to handle certain situations, you should not rely solely on the advice that these books offer. Many people have different opinions on raising a child and conflicting information can confuse you and in some cases, cause undue stress.

The first step in becoming a good parent is to realize that you are not perfect. No one is. You are going to make mistakes, some big some small. The important thing is to realize what the mistake is and not repeat it.

When you have your first child, you will ask friends and family for advice. Your best resource is your own parents. Ask yourself these questions;

· How did my parent raise me?
· Do I have good morals and values?
· Did I have a happy childhood?
· What method of discipline was used?
· How attentive were my parents?

These are very important questions, and when you answer these questions, one or more of the answers may be negative. However, this is where common sense takes over. There will be things about the way you were raised that you liked and disliked. The areas that you did not like about the way you were raised can be turned around when you raise your own child. This is how you develop into a good parent.

Parenting is a twenty-four hour a day job. Anyone who has been there will tell you that it can be absolutely chaotic at times. This is when your good parenting skills are developed to their fullest potential.

Your first child will bring a whole new set of challenges. Feeding, clothing, bathing, and all that needs to be done will take some getting used to. However, those who have been there can tell you that the insecurities that you feel will soon diminish, and by the time you have your next child, you will be confident in your parenting skill.

What makes a good parent? A good parent is a person who is patient, kind, considerate, understanding, helpful, a good listener, and a disciplinarian at the proper times. Chances are, you already have these attributes, however applying them to a child is very different than your spouse or friends.

Support As A Foster Parent

2007-07-06T02:22:00.000-07:00

A foster parent is where a certified adult acts as a temporary parent for a minor who has for some reason been removed from their parents by the state. Parents can also voluntarily place their children into foster care, if they feel they are not able to properly take care of them.

No matter what reason the child is place into foster care, it can be a very traumatic experience for anyone involved. The foster parent is only a temporary guardian, because most children placed in the foster care system will either be returned back to their family once the issues were resolved, or placed with a family through the adoption process.

Although most children in foster care are given loving and caring homes to live in, the entire process can be somewhat hard to deal with alone. Getting support as a foster parent is important, because it is not always easy dealing with a child who only wants to rebel.

There are many organizations that offer emotional support for those involved in the foster care system. Because the foster care system was created for the good of the child, the system is always working hard to make the children happy.

Each foster family goes through a screening process to make sure they are happy and caring families, but children can still rebel and cause strain on the parents. It is important for foster parents to get the emotional support they need, whether it is from friends or even a foster parent support group that meets to discuss problems they are having. Support groups can be found through your local foster care representative or also on the Internet.

Several foster care groups offer classes for foster parents to take, making them able to learn how to deal with children that may be dealing with inner issues. Taking classes is a great way for parents to cope with the new child in their life, even if they have been fostering for a long time.

Every child in the foster care system is unique, and it can sometimes be difficult to learn how to be a parent to a child who thinks he does not want it. Being in a classroom atmosphere also allows foster parents to form a new network of friends consisting of other foster parents, which work as a great support group as well.

The best way to learn about being a foster parent is to hear about other people’s experiences, so support groups and classrooms are great ways to be the best foster parents you can possibly be.

Because those who become foster parents are doing a great deed for our society, they are not required to financially cover all aspects of the child. The state will reimburse the foster parents each month to cover any expenses on that child, since the child will actually be able to grow up in a healthy atmosphere rather than a group home with nobody to look up to.

A Parenting Tip for Newbies - Check Who's Really in Charge

2007-07-02T04:32:00.001-07:00

I remember it well.

My oldest son was a tiny little toddler, full of spunk. I was still a newbie mom, delighted that my precious son was healthy and thriving. We were enjoying each new day together, lulled into the luscious sense that we were buddies. You know, on-the-same-side.

Parenting Tip 101: when they're cute and happy...beware.

As you are about to find out, it really wasn't my fault at all...I mean, how could I have even KNOWN what he was about to do?

Let me start at the beginning. The beginning of that day, not the beginning of his life. We did our morning thing at home. Breakfast, getting dressed, picking up toys (Round One for the day). I needed to go to the store for a few items so off we went, me with my list and him with his dry diaper.

Life was good. Life was SWEET.

(By the way, let me say now, as a parent that should be your first clue. When things are going well, really, really smoothly, look out. In fact, duck. Something big is coming.)

Anyway, back to my story.

My son and I arrived at the store where I deposited him gently into a waiting shopping cart. He immediately began the process of removing himself from the cart. I began the process of reinserting him into the cart.

I won. We began shopping.

Things actually went swimmingly for awhile. I collected the items I needed while Son #1 interested himself with the big wide world around him. Being a social child, people were one of his favorite toys. He smiled, he giggled, he reached out with his chubby little hand as other shoppers moved in and out of his visual range.

Did I mention life was sweet?

My first mistake was getting complacent. I know, I know, that's a tactical error I would never have committed later on in my parenting career, but I was a newbie, remember? Little son seemed so happy I forgot how quickly the scenario could change. So I let my guard down and I actually...I'm ashamed to admit it...I BROWSED. I slowly and pleasurably went from item to item, savoring my tiny bit of adult time.

Son-boy caught on real fast.

His wide smile drooped, a little. He squirmed, more. His giggles took on a slight whiney quality.

But I was hooked. I was SHOPPING.

We did alright for a bit. But the kid's non-existent patience was wearing thin. His giggles were totally gone now and he was talking to me, plaintively.

"Mommy. Mommy! MOMMMYYYYY!”

I tried to soothe him with one hand without diverting my attention from the racks of clothing I was picking through. In the back of my mind, I tried to gauge how long I had until his cries would become annoying and I would actually have to bless him with my undivided attention.

In reality, my son was way ahead of me.

Since his attempts to get my focus were not working, he upped the ante. Rummaging through his limited vocabulary, he discovered a treasure as immense as any buried in the Valley of the Kings. It was a big word, huge by his budding understanding and he didn't even know what it meant. But he had heard it recently and it had come out of the mouth of an adult so it must be GOOD.

And now was the perfect time to try it out.

"Die-ree-uh! Die-ree-uh!"

My beautiful little son sang out his new word with all the gusto he could muster. Truly, he was nearly shrieking the word, and his clarity was astonishing.

More importantly, he now had my full and complete attention.

I put both my hands on either side of his round little face and shushed him gently.

No change.

I got firmer, scrunching my face in my fiercest 'no' expression and shaking my head strongly.

Nada. Zilch response on the positive scale.

So I did what any good parent would do in the same situation. I ditched the cart and contents, grabbed the kid and made for the store exit.

'Die-ree-uh' and I swooped through the door and into the sunlight, which magically transformed him instantly.

"Mommy done?" he asked pleasantly.

"Oh yah," I replied, humbled by his self-control. "Mommy done shopping for the next 18 years."

As I cuddled him into his car seat, I laughed at myself. I had a lot to learn about influencing my son's behavior and he apparently was born knowing how to control mine.

Parenting Tip 102: don't let size fool you.

Single Mom Achievers

2007-07-02T04:31:00.001-07:00

Let’s start with basic parenting. Sometimes words explode out of your mouth before you can suppress them. You wish you could stuff them back into your mouth but you cannot. At work you feel overwhelmed and no one seems to appreciate your intelligence or realize the tremendous pressure you are under. On the weekends you have no one to get dressed up for and you think “my life is the pits.

The demands of parenting, the demands of work make life feel like a rollercoaster and you have no one to share your feelings with. You have a choice. You can choose to live day by day wishing for a change. Or you can simply take personal responsibility and make your life what you want it to be.

We are expected to bear the responsibility of childrearing, strive to get promoted at work and be happy and healthy all at the same time. Easier said than done when children are involved and we live under a system designed for the more traditional family. Outdated parenting strategies from earlier generations do not readily adapt to the single working mom structure. The majority of post women’s liberation moms are caught between two opposing forces.

On the one hand you need to display strength. On the other hand your nature is that of the softness you remember your own Mom having towards you. Couple that with the demands of society and your find yourself boxed into a corner. But you also realize the responsibility you have towards your children. You cannot afford to go over the edge and take your children with you!

The question then becomes how do I balance these two extremes and present some stability into my own life and the life of my children?

Start with the single mother’s 7 day action plan for taking control of her life. Here are some brief tips from the free report…

Day 1 - Knowing where you are and where you want to go is the key to moving forward in your life.

Day 2- In order to get control of your life, it’s critical to understand your financial situation.

Day 3 - Take a look at your income. Is it sufficient to pay your bills and provide the extras you need?

Day 4 - Examine your housing situation. Even if you can afford it, it may no longer be appropriate for you.

Day 5 - Examine your commitments and the flexibility of your life. There is a huge difference if you are a single parent versus having a spouse.

Day 6 - Evaluate your children’s’ feeling and determine what needs to be done with any situations occurring in their lives.

Day 7 - Celebrate! Look back at what you’ve accomplished this week. By this day your life should be better under control and you should have a better understanding of the steps you need to take.

The end result is to become the ultimate Mom, who blends flexibility with the boundaries necessary to maintain an orderly household. The world needs you, your skills, your perspectives and your talents. Today you can do something about the things you care for in your life. Today you can make a difference.

Children of Excess - Are We Giving Our Children Too Much?

2007-06-25T03:04:00.001-07:00

Too many children take life so easy; they don’t know what it means to work hard to acquire their desires. They are handed everything they want much too easy. We are in a generation of excess. They want it all, and they want it now! According to Teen Newsweek, October 11, 2004, 30 percent of parents say that brand preference is of “major importance” to their kids. It is sad that many parents let the fad of the generation keep them in debt for their children. Is this only to impress?

In the same study, 75 percent of parents say their kids do fewer chores than children did 10 years ago. In 2003, 12 to19-year-olds spent roughly $175 billion or $53 billion more than in 1997, according to Teen Research Unlimited. Some psychologists say that parents who overindulge their kids may be setting them up for future anxiety and depression.

Recent studies show that kids who were given too much too soon often have difficulty coping with life’s disappointments as adults. I often see parents allowing their children to make their own decisions about clothing as well as where they go and who they go with. Allowing our children to work less and get more, I will say is a big set up for them later in life. We must show discipline in every area of our lives. Disciple has to be in shopping, eating, working, and even thing simple as just talking. Everything we do should always be done with a balance and in love. Consistency is necessary. Proper discipline brings lasting results to both child and parent.

We discipline our children to save them pain and disappointment. A lot of us have disciplined our children without realizing why we did it. When our children ask us why we make decisions concerning them, our famous answer is, “Because I told you so.” Now what kind of answer is that? We have to be open and honest with our children, most of all we must be stern and firm in our decisions.

Guidelines to Live By

We have standards and guidelines in our home, and while our girls are there with us, they will have to abide by them. If clothing seems to be too revealing, I tell them if you are willing to show it, you may be willing to give it away. My girls on occasion have made comments like, “Well everybody does it,” and I kindly say to them, “Well, you’re not!” I tell them they will be accountable for their actions and stand in judgment one day for every decision made. We all will. You don’t want to shorten your blessings and days on earth by following what others are doing when you know the right thing to do. It’s not worth it!

As parents don’t settle for simple parenting because you feel it will hurt your child’s feelings. We have to put those feelings out of the way and stick to what we feel in our heart is best for our child. What is good for Johnny down the street may not be good for my child. Therefore, we have to do what rest in our heart and stick with what is comfortable with the decisions we make while raising our children.

Iris Shamble has been sharing her writings for several years and has contributed to the “International Library of Poetry”. She has been a devout Christian for 15 years and is a devoted wife to Darryl Shamble, and mother to two lovely daughters. Iris currently works in the Virginia school system, where she has become an expert on the social and cultural pressures facing children everyday. She has spent the last five years gathering and substantiating information and interviews for “A Christian Mother’s Guide”. Iris is also a youth mentor, women’s ministry leader and speaks before woman’s groups.

4 Great Wooden Toys For Your Child

2007-06-25T03:03:00.000-07:00

It is hard to deny that wooden toys have a unique appeal to children of all ages. Grandparents remember when the wooden pull car was the favorite indoor and outdoor toy. Sometimes the wooden toy was hand fashioned by a favorite relative. Other times, wooden toys were created by the child. No matter how crude the product might appear to the uninitiated, in the child's eyes the vrooom noises made the crudely carved block into a real car and the wooden blocks into a steam locomotive.

Fond memories of some of the favorite childhood wooden toys make today's modern equivalents just as popular as the originals from 100 years ago.

Blocks

The classic wooden blocks are one of children's favorite toys. Usually a set of blocks will contain about 30 brightly colored 2-inch blocks. The blocks contain numbers from 0-9, letters from A-Z and imaginative pictures of simple objects easily identified by the child. The slightly raised letter and numerals are safely finished in red, blue, yellow or green. These blocks are suitable for stacking, sorting, building, counting, alphabet, and matching

Pound-A-Peg

Remember the carpenter's bench with the small pegs that could be placed in the holes in the bench? You used the small wooden mallet to pound each of the pegs level with the surface of the bench, then turned the entire unit over and pounded the pegs back through. Today's bench is virtually identical to the ones of half a century ago. Today's toy measures 11.6 inches by 5 inches. The platform is natural wood with red ends and mallet. The pegs are finished in red, blue, yellow and green. The toy is great for developing eye-hand coordination, color recognition, matching and counting.

Stick Horse

A favorite of children for years, the broomstick horse, sometimes with a mane of yarn attached could be the faithful steed when playing Wild West Shows, or a valiant knight fighting a dragon. It is all in the imagination. This is one of the simplest wooden toys--originally simply a stick and a horse head shape on the end. The lucky child who received a cowboy hat and fringed vest to wear could pretend to be any number of western heroes.

Train Set

A set of wooden train cars, carefully shaped and painted to resemble the various types of cars in a real steam train was also a child's favorite wooden toy. There usually is a steam engine with the exaggerated cow catcher on the front and the steam vent, needing only imagination and a whistle--usually supplied by the child--to seem real. The coal car, the flat cars and boxcars and of course the caboose are a set good for hours of play for the child. Contrary to the real thing, the wooden train cars are often printed in bright primary colors.

Shocking News - Dr Haim Ginott Never Had Any Children!

2007-06-21T03:18:00.001-07:00

There seems to be a certain delight in a reporter's voice when they declare that Haim Ginott himself was not a father. Take this as an example:

My mother had [Between Parent & Child] when I was little. She recently told me she tried using Ginott’s method of “caring communication”: She said, “I feel upset when I see you hitting your brother,” and I said, “Well, then you better go in the other room.” My mom threw out the book.

[Haim Ginott was]...A man with no children of his own (“I knew it!” my mom chortled) 1

The short biography of Dr Ginott explains: "Haim G. Ginott (1922-1973) was a clinical psychologist, child therapist, and parent educator. He attended Columbia University in New York City, earning a doctoral degree in clinical psychology in 1952. His work with troubled children at the Jacksonville, Florida, Guidance Clinic helped him refine his unique combination of compassion and boundary setting." 2

His idea was basically pretty simple: If adults appreciate being treated this way, why wouldn't children.

* Which adult does not inwardly balk at broad praise?
* Adults prefer criticism that addresses a problem specifically rather than attacking us as people.
* Adults don't appreciate receiving a "dressing down" in front of other people.
* No adult likes to be threatened with "You'd better do this, or else!" We might do it, but inwardly we are scared, or seething, or some other reactive emotion.
* Which adult does not respond to empathy?

Yet, with our children we manage to deliberately avoid these basic humane standards of interaction.

We ignore feelings: "Hate your brother? You don't hate him, you love him. And I don't ever want to hear that word said in this house again!"

We publicly chastise: "Stop picking your nose, you dirty little thing!" We shout, slapping their hand while throwing our eyes heavenward and declaring to everyone within earshot, "What are you supposed to do with them, eh?" 3

And so it goes on. What makes us think that children appreciate being treated that way any more than adults do? Or are we stuck in the they're-too-young-to-understand rut?

Ginott's work went beyond children. He taught principles of communication that could apply to any relationship - business, friends, relatives, and more. Children might not be adults, but they are people - human beings.

And we know what we want them to grow up to be: Fine human beings, worthy of respect, a pleasure to be with, people who's feelings and ideas have value. In short, a mensch, a human being who can conduct his life with strength and dignity.

The time to start nurturing them in that direction is right now.

The Community Carnival (Humor)

2007-06-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

I no longer believe in the community carnivals. How could this have happened? What’s becoming of me? Am I American? Am I even human?

The community carnival is a summertime legend that causes the senses to dive into a pool of sensory delight. Without even closing the eyes, it is easy to conjure up the smell of fresh popcorn, cotton candy and a full neighborhood sweat that lingers in the air long after the last florescent light has been dimmed.

As a child there was no greater thrill for me than anticipating a ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl as we headed towards the carnival at Elm and Aster in our ’62 Chrysler station wagon. The Tilt-a-Whirl was a spinning laugh machine. The pay-off was delirium from a head-on adrenaline rush.

But now it’s different. I have a name for it – “Motherhood”. I wonder if I need my head examined as I hand over my precious little angel to the toothless carnival worker out on furlough.

All year long parents strap their kids into car seats and make sure they learn to look both ways (with an extra look just-in-case) when they cross the street. We train them to take the time to put on their bicycle helmet because that last MSNBC special scared the heck out of us. Nobody runs in the house and everyone comes in when the street lights start to flicker.

Yet during summer vacation the irony ensues as we hand over our dearest to a warden of the state who props them up in the Dragon Ride that’s held together with toothpicks. Seemingly oblivious to the incalculable dangers inherent in a transient amusement park, we look over a shoulder and shout, “Don’t fall out!”

That’s it. “Don’t fall out!” And then it’s off to buy a Slurpy.

Mothering instincts – where art thou?

The next time you buy your $140 baby carrier and strap your most precious angel into her padded car seat like she’s going to the moon, remember the community carnival. Use a bit of fairy dust and look over your shoulder to give that guaranteed blessing of safety. “Now don’t fall out!” Relax mom. Everything is going to be O.K.

Sally Edwards is a professional key note speaker, corporate humorist and standup comedienne who began her career studying improvisation at Chicago’s Second City. Sally has been featured on Showtime’s Comedy Club Network, A&E and NBC TV’s Friday Night.

Toys Are Not Just For Fun Anymore

2007-06-13T04:25:00.001-07:00

Remember the days when children’s wood blocks were to build with and art supplies and markers were for coloring. Well, it seems those days of simple play without meaning or benefit are gone. Pretend toys such as play kitchens, art supplies, and woods blocks for children no longer serve just one function they are now considered critical for proper child development.

In preschool settings across America you will find sophisticated block centers stacked with all different types and shapes of wood blocks. One may observe children playing in a kitchen center equipped with a pretend kitchen, play food, and pretend plates and utensils to heighten the pretend play experience. You will find an art center with all different types of writing tools such as fat and skinny markers , crayons, stamps, tools to cut with, and even professional art supplies. Preschools are not longer just about play they are about constructive developmentally appropriate play.

Blocks use to be a basic and simple toy that most every child had cherished. Now blocks are considered mandatory in preschool settings. We now know that blocks help children learn spatial relations which is a direct result of how they will learn to read later in life. Playing with wood blocks can also assist in fine motor control which helps strengthen children’s fingers. Markers and art supplies for children encourages expression and creativity while increasing muscle tone in those little fingers, which too will assist in gaining fine motor control. .

Pretend toys such as play kitchens for children, not only make play time fun; it actually helps children imagine themselves in certain roles later in life. When pretend play is done with other children, they are practicing turn taking, social relations, and working out problems.

Have you ever walked into a preschool setting and thought that all the children seem to do is play? If you find a school that engages in developmentally appropriate curriculum with quality pretend toys to support that play; you found a good school! So, next time you go to buy that perfect toy for your child, grandchild or friend consider for a moment the dual purpose that a play kitchen, set of markers, or some wood blocks for children may have in their ability to grasp important learning concepts in the future.

The Literacy Writing Connection - Achieving The Right Balance

2007-06-13T04:24:00.001-07:00

The basic question posed by The Literacy Writing Connection is how is the writing of compositions, essays, short stories et cetera connected to the various forms of literacy for a child? Is any one form of literacy enough to get the job done?

Essentially no. Since there are a number of forms of literacy, no one form can do all that is needed. However, the exciting aspect is that the written works of a child are a key indicator as to his or her literary skills. By writing a short story, a child is exercising many different skills. For my purpose, the term 'writing' will be associated with today's society, thereby involving computers as well as paper and pencil. Of the many literacy forms including, but not limited to, Media, Global, Multi-cultural, Scientific... the ones that stand out with respect to children are Functional, Information, Mathematical and Computer.

Functional is the easiest to understand. Can the child use basic reading and writing skills to get crucial ideas across or to interpret incoming ideas in order to stay safe. By crucial we can focus on the essentials of life and expand from there. Can they communicate verbally and on paper? Information refers to the child's ability to understand that he or she requires additional knowledge on a subject and to go and get it. Once retrieved, can the child process and evaluate that knowledge? And finally, can the child apply the new knowledge effectively to solve a problem or otherwise? Let's call this the ability to research.

Mathematical is straightforward enough and does not involve higher math skills. This points to a child's understanding of the most basic mathematical symbols and operations. You might say it also helps with drawing comparisons, such as 'he has more than I do' or 'this is darker than that'. It can assist with spatial awareness as well, but we'll leave that alone for now.

Finally, Computer Literacy. This is, in its simplest form, the ability of the child to turn on the computer, run a word-processor, type a story, print it and save it for later. You would be surprised how many adults can't do this. Let's call it keyboarding.

If a child can produce a short story that involves any opinions, knowledge he or she did not possess before, regard for what could be considered adequate flow, balance or word volume, and get it across in a clear way; you have achieved a great victory. The child has communicated, researched, made comparisons and keyboarded to produce a meaningful story.

Focusing your attention on keeping these four forms of literacy (or parallel terminology) in good balance will build a solid foundation for learning the many complex subjects to come in their future. Try to imagine where the child would be if any one of the four forms was way out of balance. You may actually find you can apply whimsical names to each type of child.

The Way We Talk To Kids Is So Simple Yet Effective

2007-06-08T03:32:00.001-07:00

Children learn how to think and act by the words that run through their heads. These words are internalised by what they see and hear from us! These words determine a child's confidence level and how they internally talk to themselves.

It is clear and crucial, that as parents then, we ask this question – how do I talk to my kids?

By using positive wording, we are helping our kids to act confidently so that they feel capable in a wide variety of situations. Teach your kids what you want them TO do in situations, instead of what NOT to do.

Here are some simple, yet effective examples.

Instead of saying:
"Don't run in here."
Say:
"Remember to walk in here."

Instead of saying:
"Don't swear at school today."
Say:
"I want you to be kind to others and friendly at school today."

Instead of saying:
"Don't drop that glass. If you do, there will be trouble."
Say:
"Hold on to that glass carefully. It is a very special one"

Instead of saying:
"Don't run across the road."
Say:
"Always hold my hand when crossing the road and stay be my side."

It is obvious that the words they hear are rehearsed in their minds. If mum says, "Don't drop that glass" that is what the child thinks about when carrying the glass, and chances are they will drop it! If they hear "hold on to it carefully", they are focusing then on doing exactly that.

The benefits to this approach are huge. Not only are we putting positive thoughts into their minds, but also providing them with useful information to store away for future reference.

Manic Mothering

2007-06-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

I've been a full time mother for just over 12 years now and I was beginning to climb the walls. My karaoke repertoire consists of Rosie and Jim and the theme tune to Noddy (Teletubbies is just so yesterday don’t you think?). I can do spelling tests, cook tea and find my way around the cbeebies website simultaneously without too much fuss, but adult conversation? That’s getting tricky. I decided I had to take a break, before it was too late. I phoned my sister (Travel Agent, thank goodness) and told her I needed warmth, no cooking and an hour snorkeling, and I needed it now. She called me back within hours with the arrangements. I packed, switched on the answerphone, and left a message on my website to say when I’d be back. Within the week I was off, on my own, no one with me, traveling alone.

It was weird and wonderful I have to say. The first thing I noticed was how little I needed for the flight, just sleeping pills and a passport, fantastic. There were no nappies in my suitcase, no pink pajamas or soft toys. No extra cartons of milk and having to go through "something to declare" because of food allergies. I watched the sunset from a hot tub without worrying if anyone might drown. This was relaxing indeed. Then my holiday really began, I found my room was cleaned twice a day. I wasn’t impaled by little toenails at night or called to take anyone into the bathroom. I discovered Chocolate Martinis after Dinner! And conversation, conversation without anyone butting in! I could wander aimlessly around and even get hopelessly lost without having to explain myself. I browsed in shops, can you believe it? I leisurely wandered around, and then I went snorkeling. I was in Heaven. Coming home was great too, my flight was canceled and I was so grateful my children weren’t exposed to not flying British Airways.

I arrived home a few hours later than expected, my husband looked wonderful in a new suit. He explained that he had been to a funeral that morning and because he couldn’t find his usual suit trousers, he had to go out (all on his own) and buy a new suit! He’d even phoned two dry-cleaners and explained that his wife was on holiday, he couldn’t find his trousers and did they have them by any chance?

The house looked lovely and clean, I could see my bedroom floor and pairs of socks instead of piles of odd ones! My children appeared, it was so good to hug and kiss them. One had refused to go to school the entire time I'd been away. One had refused to bath. One had complained loudly about the lack of sleepovers allowed. They wore odd clothes, pants sideways and had knotty hair. So I was home and I really was in Heaven. The holiday had revived my sanity, but the bedlam at home is truly wonderful. I washed my little girl and I dished out presents. I was kicked in the night, dribbled on and had the quilt pulled off me, it was great. I will go again next winter though.

Bringing Out The Best Behaviour In Kids

2007-06-05T04:07:00.001-07:00

Bringing out children’s better behaviour is easy if you have easy children. It can be more testing if you have challenging kids or when you are raising active toddlers and feisty teenagers with plenty of ‘tude (attitude).

My work over two decades shows that those parents who are most successful at bringing out their children’s best behaviour use a variety of strategies, rather than one or two.

They also get help when they need it, whether sharing the parenting with a partner or calling on broader family or friends for support. Sometimes taking a break is the best strategy to use rather than get a locked into power struggle with strong-willed kids.

Some strategies are more successful than others however here are seven simple but significant strategies and ideas to help you bring out your child’s best behaviour:

1. Avoid your impulsive reaction when kids are less than perfect. Generally, the first parental reaction to children’s uncooperative or poor behaviour can actually encourage more of the same. Sounds bizarre, but children often keep repeating the behaviours that work in achieving a result. Whinging, for example, is a brilliant way for a child to get his or her own way. Like ancient ‘water torture’ it effectively makes us lose our cool and give in for some peace and quiet.

2. Teach kids manners. Old fashioned good manners such as making eye contact, addressing people by name and using please and thank you’s are basic social skills that many of our current generation don’t possess. Manners is respect in action and very empowering so don’t leave it up to schools and pre schools to teach. Insist on it yourself.

3. Cure parent deafness by acting rather than talking. Often when kids ignore our requests for cooperation we simply repeat ourselves or raise the volume of our voice. Forget it. Cure parent-deafness by acting rather than talking. For instance, put the meal on the table and let it get cold rather than repeatedly tell kids to come to the mealtable. Kids learn from our actions as much as from our words.

4. Set consequences like a good cop: Behavioural consequences are all the rage in schools, pre schools and child care centres. I love them as a way of shifting responsibility onto kids to behave well. Consequences have their own set of rules if they are to be effective. But the key to their success is to set them like a good cop, as a opposed to a rude cop, so the kids are mad at themselves rather than at you.

5.Use the language of cooperation to get …. err….cooperation. Some parents use the wrong language to get what they want. They you use the language of coercion (“Do this now!”) to get cooperation, however all they get is confrontation and conflict. For some hard-to-shift kids you need to use the right language to win their cooperation. They are puppy dogs really if you use the right words. The language of cooperation is about choices, not backing kids into a corner and focusing on yourself rather than the child.

6. Use behavioural rehearsal with kids: If you want kids to behave in certain ways then it is useful to get kids to practise in fun, low or no stress ways. For instance, if you want to bring out your children’s best behaviour when eating out then set up the meal-table at home like a restaurant and have some fun serving them the meals and using their ‘best going out’ manners.

7. Put yourself in timeout – tactical withdrawal: Most parents have heard of timeout for kids but timeout for parents is effective too. If that sounds bizarre then consider a child with ‘last wordedness’ or a child who keeps nagging or arguing with you to get his or her own way. You need to tactically withdraw from these kids to save your sanity or stop yourself from giving in. If you can’t move away from your child then disappear psychologically – that is, imagine your child is not there and refuse to respond while your child behaves poorly.

Organizing The Little People For Summer

2007-06-05T04:06:00.000-07:00

My kids are jumping for joy that tomorrow is their last day of school and I must admit that I, too, am quite excited. No more waking up at the crack of dawn to get them to school and no more late night homework. My son has even gone so far as to create his own little summer schedule:

Week One: Sleep in, lay around the house in boxers, watch movies and drink soda until I puke
Week Two: Sleep in, lay around the house in boxers, play video games and drink soda until I puke
Week Three: Sleep in, lay around the house in boxers, play WoW and drink soda until I puke...but not next to dad's computer
Week Four: Repeat Week One

Although, it's nice to see that my 9-year old is taking after his ol' mum by planning out his summer it's not quite the summer I had planned for him. Since I work from the home it is IMPERATIVE that my kids are kept busy and have a space outside of my office to play, have fun, and stay busy. In order to get there, we have come up with a few simple things to keep everyone happy and hopefully keep the boredom to a minimum.

Secrets To A Successful Summer

1. Grandma is paying for cable for the summer. Not my idea of a wonderful solution, especially since I HATE having TV, but Grandma trumps Mom.

2. We have converted the 2-car garage into a TV and game room. It's nothing permanent, but we laid out a couple of rugs, put a spare TV out in the garage, hooked up the PS2, set up a board game table, and wha-la instant "kid room".

3. Every Thursday, the kids are going to Grandma's to watch old classic movies aka Mom's revenge for having cable. They are going to watch one to two classics a day and I am talking Sound of Music, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers all the wonderful movies that will slowly torture a 13 year old and 9 year old. I am LOVING it!

4. Every Saturday morning we are going to go to the bookstore and pick out one non-fiction picture book and learn about something new. From the picture book they can research more information from online, but it needs to start from a book. To help my son with his writing, unbeknownst to my son, he is going to write 3 little reasons why he wanted the book and 3 interesting tidbits he found in the book.

5. On Wednesday, we are scheduling an afternoon play date with their friends down at the community center so they can go rock climbing.

6. I am also putting the kids to work for me. They will each have some tedious chore that I hate to do like filing, putting together client files, data entry, all that lovely fun stuff that I can do without.

7. Every week they will need to write a letter to a friend or family member outside of the state. They have just inherited family from Canada and Scotland and I think it's high time they learned the art of letter writing.

8. Chores around the house. They already have a set routine for normal chores so we'll go ahead and keep it going throughout the summer. Kids love to have a routine and when they know they have specific things to do and a deadline, they actually do a pretty good job of getting it done with very little complaining.

9. Time Management. My daughter is going to be 14 this year and it's high time she learned the art of time management. We have picked up a fun quirky agenda for her to use and she is going to start entering her entire summer schedule. From the basics of chores to social plans with friends and family.

10. Fun Stuff! No summer is complete without the normal movies, swimming, friends spending the night, and family road trips. We already have Pizza, Movie, Popcorn Night every Friday night, but we are also going to kick into the Game Master Tournament with boardgames. (Last time I won!) We keep a white board list of all of the games we play, who comes in what place, and at the end we tally it up and who ever wins must be called Game Master for a week. It's quite fun and the kids love it.

Bottomline, keep the kids busy with a set "fun" routine and you will only hear "I'm bored" when they are doing their chores, hungry, or when they are just dying to be annoying!

Employment After a Baby - Solving the Daycare Issue

2007-05-21T03:57:00.004-07:00

There are many reasons why you, a parent, want or need to get back to work, whatever your reason, on of the biggest worries will be how to solve the day care issue. It is not really fair to expect other family members such as grandparents or parents to look after your child so you will need professional day care -- unless your employer is forward-thinking enough to provide a creche for its staff's children. There are several options open to you; day care facility, a child minder, au-pair or a nanny. But which is best for you?

Unfortunately, that is not an easy question to answer, it will depend on a variety of factors, not least how much you can afford and what services are available in your area.

Day care facilities offer certain advantages over nannies in that your child will get to interact with more children of similar age, as well as adults, developing their social skills. They will also interact with different adults during the day. With a nanny, the child will be interacting with predominantly one adult and will meet and play with fewer other children.

Whichever you choose, avoid being hasty, don't just go with the first one you find. Check them out - a good day care facility will be able to provide evidence of staff training and will not be shy to show you round. Try to visit when other parents will be there and make the opportunity to talk to them. Get their feelings about the place. A Nanny or au-pair will be able to provide you with references, but these alone are probably not enough to allow you to make the decision. Interview the candidates and probe to find out how you feel they would cope with emergency situations. Also try to get to talk with their previous employers and find out how they were and why they left. Using an agency can be helpful here as they should already have done the necessary vetting of the staff on their books.

So, in short, when going back to work, don't rush into the organisation of your child's day care, check it out carefully and only make the decision when you are satisfied with the service and credentials offered.

Disclaimer: This is for informational purposes only, we can not accept any liability for any decision you make.

Homework - What Is It Good For?

2007-05-21T03:57:00.003-07:00

You probably didn’t know this but in the early 1900s homework was actually outlawed in some areas. It was deemed as child labor. Not that I would advocate such a draconian measure, but since the baby boom of post WW2 America has had an obsession with addressing the education gap (with ever increasing homework). This was driven by America’s competitive urge to better the Soviet Union and then to compete with other progressive economies like Japan. Now in the 21st century with no one left to compete with on the economic front, it seems we need compete with ourselves. Success is linked to education and so the pressure is now on the schools, teachers and the whole education system to respond. As such homework is at an all time high – but is it too much of a good thing?

When my 9 year old daughter gets in from school she diligently lays her school books on the living room table and prepares to get stuck into an average of 90 minutes of homework. The homework subject varies across the curriculum but concentrates on math, writing and reading exercises – typically the 3 “R”s. This is an average length of time; sometime it can be way more (and I need to tell her to stop) or considerably less. The exercises are thorough and challenging, and illustrate a high level of learning. But it does take a large chunk of her personal time, family time and general play time. Which begs the question, when does a kid get to be a kid?

What’s in a Number

There’s been a lot of research carried out on homework and, although informative, statistics can be used to demonstrate many differing views. However there are some indisputable stats that can usefully shape our options. Research done at the University of Michigan showed that in 1981 6th graders averaged 85 minutes of homework a week then in 1997 6th graders averaged 134 minutes a week. That’s an increase of over 50% in 16 years. Although I don’t have the official stat, exponential growth in the last 10 years later, would indicate a much bigger multiplier by 2007. What happened to the oft used 10 minute rule of thumb whereby 1st graders did 10 minutes of homework, 2nd graders did 20 minutes and so on. Homework and the associated emphasis on test success and achievement has taken over our educators thinking – but is it working? Let’s consider the case for and against homework.

Homework Works

Homework can give parents a better appreciation of and direct involvement in school. It gives you a window into what your child is doing during the day and a chance to share in her biggest activity.

By reinforcement outside the class room, it gives your child immediate achievement and learning. Factual knowledge is retained better and it enhances critical thinking, concept formation and information processing.

It has long term positive academic impact. This is because learning is encouraged during leisure time. This improves your child’s attitude to school and leads to better study habits and skills.

There are also several positive non-academic effects. This includes greater self-direction and self-discipline, better time organization, greater inquisitiveness and more independent problem solving.

But is it too much?

Homework can over-saturate a child to such an extent that she loses interest in academic subject materials and suffers physical and emotional fatigue.

Too much homework can eat into leisure time and community activities. This can lead to pressure to complete and perform well, parental interference and confusion over instructional techniques. Parents can sometimes become embroiled in the child’s homework and end up completing it. This must be avoided at all costs – after all it is the child’s homework!

These negative effects only serve to increase the difference between high and low achievers. Kids from lower socioeconomic backgrounds are likely to have more difficulty completing homework than better off kids. Also lower-income children are more likely to have a job after school or may not have a quiet, well-lit place to do assignments.

A Little Goes a Long Way

But If you’re like me, a good recommendation is a little of the right stuff goes a long way. On balance, studies show there are merits to homework. However it should be noted that the most significant advantage of homework is experienced in high school children. In elementary school, homework had no effect on achievement. This is significant as younger kids need to be allowed to play and act like kids to develop their personality, behavioral traits and, yes, discipline. That way they can enter youth better prepared to face the onslaught of academia and test pressures. To have my 3rd grade daughter complain to me about the stress of her SOLs is beyond the pale. My daughter completes all her homework but I encourage her not to stress over it. Also her reading assignments are always a combination of me reading to her while her dad tickles her back – now that’s pretty good homework!

Love and Being Present

2007-05-21T03:57:00.001-07:00

I was reunited with the teachings of the most influential yoga teacher I have ever had; Rolf Gates. Yup. Me. Yoga.

For those of you who know me, you know that yoga is a big part of my life. For those of you learning about me through these writings you might think, "yoga?"

Last night I received a mass mailing from Rolf about the comings and goings on his website, his blog, and where he'll be teaching next. Unfortunately for me, Rolf does most of his teaching back on the Northeast, from where we moved two years ago. Fortunately for everyone, Rolf is still out there teaching.

After receiving this email I scrolled through the blog and was reminded of many of the things about Rolf that I hold so dear. One of the Rolf's prinicipal ideals is how love is stronger than fear -- a powerful yogic principal. And in reading Rolf's blog I was reminded of another yogic prinicipal of being kind to yourself, and remembering to bring yourself back to the present without getting upset with yourself that you strayed from the present.

But what struck me most today was Rolf's brief entry on "Love." He goes on to write, " I have looked into [my children's] eyes countless times. Their eyes are always filled with love for me[,] a love that I have not earned, they just shine their love on me because they know of no other way to be. Love is what we are born with."

I took pause upon reading this, thinking about my own children and the guidance I want to give them, the forms of discipline that I use, and I thought "I'm doing a good job, but can I do better? What about leveraging that love?"

I hesitate, however, to use that word "leverage." For me it has such negetive connotations, but seeing that it is so powerful, and children really are born with it, why not use it to everyone's advantage?

I think about so many different ways of effectively socializing young children, and feel like we, as a society, do a really good job of squashing the effervescence, curiosity, and trust out of children. There are so many restrictions imposed on children today born out of fear of terrorism, fear of child predators, fear of fear. Pop culture, mainstream media, and some times our extended family, send messages that easily lead parents to over-protect children to a point that they are not allowed to be themselves, to be children, to shine brightly.

But reading Rolf brings me back to that notion that love can conquer all. Is this perspective naive? I guess that depends on your perspective. But if you follow yogic principals and remain connected with your Self, then you have no need to be paranoid about having naive notions of human potential.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep - Just Watch Me Make My Mommy Weep

2007-05-21T03:56:00.001-07:00

They call me Junior, tell me I’m two, and, according to my bib, consider me a precious little gift from heaven, which may no longer apply after the seven-hour car ride today where I threw three temper tantrums, stuck a jelly bean up my nose, choked on a plastic frog, and timed each poopy to occur after we passed the rest stop.

We were at the beach, judging by the smell of battered fish and overabundance of joggers wearing thongs. It was another family reunion with Mommy’s family who, according to Daddy, doesn’t have a brain cell or a complete set of teeth between them – crammed into what was advertised as a quaint water-front cottage which turned out to be a tiny bug-infested trailer overlooking a sewage drain. That explains why Uncle Buford had some rental money left over for lottery tickets.

I was a good sport for the first several hours of sand-filled diapers, gritty bologna sandwiches, pinches on the cheek, and requests to hear my off-key rendition of twinkle, twinkle little star. I held it together when Raynelle walked out in her new swimsuit (I’ve had band aids bigger) and Granny Jean told her she was going to hell. Granny is convinced that half of us are going to hell and the half who aren’t should be. I kept my cool when I had to sit with Uncle Buford who on a good day thinks the year is 1956 and he’s a runner for the mob. And I did not let my temper slip when Aunt Edna started slurring her words and crying over her cat Bootsy who died when she was twelve.

But I’m only two for gosh sakes, I have my limits. And by the time the sun set on our rusty trailer, my patience had worn thin. It was time for some pay back. I chose bedtime as the perfect opportunity. Bedtimes are always a good opportunity. I must admit that I have mastered the art of bedtime stall tactics. So after six books, two kisses, four glasses of water, and a bedtime prayer that would have made Moses proud, I had my Mommy just where I wanted her, with her eyes glazed over and her mouth gone slack. It was time to bump things up a notch. I picked that moment to call out for my Yucky-Yucky who I knew full well had been left behind at our house sleeping soundly in the guest room commode where I left it.

I know it’s an odd name for my most beloved object of affection. But Yucky-Yucky is not your average childhood treasure. Not one of those cute plush animals delivered to me at birth by a line of blue-haired well-wishers from the local Baptist church, but an old plastic naked doll with chopped up hair, a face covered with red magic marker, and a missing pinky - delivered straight out of the mouth of the dog next door – and not too willingly might I add. “NO, NO!” Mommy kept shrieking. “That’s the dog’s toy. It’s yucky, baby. It’s yucky, yucky.” Hence the name.

I made it clear that I wanted Yucky-Yucky and that I would do anything including holding my breath to get it. It was at that particular moment that all eyes turned on me and pandemonium ensued as the entire cast of wacky southern characters descended on me like the seagulls on the Cheetos we had tossed out on the beach.

I screamed. I kicked. I held my breath until I turned blue and Granny said I was going to hell for being disobedient and Aunt Edna tried to give me mouth to mouth until Mommy stopped her and spared me my first taste of Budweiser.

They sent Uncle Skeeter out to buy another doll, cut off the hair, mark all over the face, run over it a couple of times, and pass it off as my Yucky-Yucky. Please, did they think me an idiot? I may forget the number six every time I count to ten, but I know an imposter when I see one. I let them have a couple moments of peace before launching into another jag of earth-shattering bellows.

It was then that Grunt, Cousin Ned’s three-legged deaf hound dog, caught sight of Yucky-Yucky and went after it – one of those nice unplanned surprises. I cranked it up a notch while they all chased after Grunt to get the doll, knocking over furniture and trashing what was probably already considered trash to begin with. Ned finally pried the plastic doll from Grunt’s teeth and threw it to Aunt Vyrnetta who managed to grab it and fling it up into the air before falling backwards into the fish tank and ripping her new orange Capri pants which, Mommy was correct, made her rear end look like an overgrown pumpkin.

And this is how the counterfeit Yucky-Yucky flew directly into the ceiling fan which had been operating at full speed ever since Aunt Edna had another one of her hot flashes. And there we all witnessed with startling clarity, the death of this imposter Yucky-Yucky who was decapitated in front of our very eyes. Death by ceiling fan.

I stopped crying. The dog stopped barking. Everybody stopped talking and moving at once. Complete silence except for the sound of the plastic head rolling across the hardwood floor where it landed with a thud against a ceramic dolphin wearing sunglasses, the rest of its body still lodged in the fan, whirling round and round like some freaky carnival ride.

They all agreed that letting me stay up as late as I wanted would have a far lesser impact than the scarring that would occur from the gruesome scene which had just played out. And so there I sat, in the middle of it all, for the rest of the night, nestled in my Aunt Edna’s bosom that smelled like roses and Marlboros, while Granny prayed over my soul and Uncle Skeet picked a little “I’ll Fly Away” on the guitar. Eventually, I fell asleep. Who can blame me? I was exhausted. And in my dreams I replayed that scene over and over – my first real decapitation. Too cool. How will I ever top that?

Teaching Your Child Healthy Hygiene Habits

2007-05-21T03:55:00.000-07:00

Once your child begins walking, he will become more and more independent. Toddlers and preschoolers want to try to do a number of things on their own and parents have a tremendous opportunity to instill good, healthy habits as they teach self-care skills during this stage of development.

Your child will best learn how to care for herself by watching you and her older siblings. Set a good example by taking good care of yourself, keeping yourself well-groomed, and following the same healthy practices you hope to teach your child. Discuss germs and their role in sickness with your child very early on and talk with her about things she can do to prevent germs from making her sick.

As we all know, the best germ deterrent is washing your hands regularly. Teach your little one to wash his hands after playing outside, after he uses the restroom, and before he eats. Also encourage him to wash up if he coughs or sneezes and after he plays with animals or pets. Twenty seconds of rubbing, remembering to get in between fingers, with warm water and a mild soap is usually enough to get rid of any germs.

When children enjoy keeping themselves clean, they are more likely to make good hygiene a lifelong habit. Help your child wash her hands the right way by asking her to sing a short song as she washes. “Happy Birthday”, “Row, Row Your Boat”, or two rounds of the ABC song will last about 20 seconds each, helping your child develop a habit of washing her hands properly.

Most toddlers and preschoolers already enjoy splashing around in the tub, but educational bath toys like the Baby Einstein Bath Toy collection can make bath time even more fun. Make a game out of washing to encourage and teach your child to clean himself, as well as learn the names of his body parts. Hand him the soapy wash mitt and let him wash each part as you call out the name, like leg, knee, or shoulder. Make the game more challenging by using right and left as well.

Good oral hygiene habits are equally important and should be encouraged during the toddler years as well. Teach your child to brush her own teeth by brushing your teeth beside her. Show her how to turn the brush to get every side of her teeth clean. Many children want to rush through this part of their routine, so a timer set for two or three minutes may develop better habits. Always be sure to brush behind your child until she is about nine.

Eating a healthy diet, exercising, and getting enough sleep are also key factors in good health and hygiene. Talk to your child about why these things are important and set a good example by eating your own vegetables and making exercise a part of your daily routine. Introduce your child to new foods often and always explain the benefits the food holds. Encourage him to try at least one bite and continue to serve not so popular dishes as he acquires new tastes. Establish a bedtime routine to ensure that your little one gets enough sleep and encourage at least 90 minutes of physical activity each day.

Mark Caldwell Named CAICA Advocate of the Month

2007-05-15T05:02:00.000-07:00

Mark Caldwell, proud father of Justin Caldwell, has advocated for his son for years. How many parents have had to lie awake at night for 5 years wondering what has happened to their child that day? How many parents have had their child's adolescents stripped from them, something they can never get back? How many parents have had to fear that if their child does something wrong - even if what they have done is something that under normal circumstances would be dealt with at home and with some therapy - have to fear their child will be taken from them and placed into a system known to abuse children? A system where some children have died as a result of abuse or neglect. How many parents have had to hear stories time and time again that their child is being abused, yet their hands are tied to help their own child? How many parents have learned their child's arm was broken - that they had staples in their forehead - that they were beaten, thrown to the floor, that their heads were slammed to the ground repeatedly? How many? Too many.

Mark Caldwell knows all too well what I am talking about - Dawn Chase is all to familiar with these stories - the same things happened to her son, Christopher. And there are many many more parents who must lie awake at night wondering - what happened to my child today?

Mark and Dawn have worked with CAICA and others in an effort to get the word out and to effect change. All of our hard work is beginning to pay off. Two employees lost their jobs last week at Dozier School for Boys because they abused Mark's son, Justin, and did not report abuse they witnessed. We believe others, too, will lose their jobs for sitting back and watching the abuse without reporting it. It is a federal law that anyone who witnesses abuse who works with children has a duty to report.

Mark has never given up on his son. Justin was thrown into the system when he was 12 - he is now 18 years old. He has not spent one day at home with his father in the past 5 years. The injustices that have occurred are inconscienable. Justice needs to be served in this case - and in the cases of others going through the same thing. It is time for people to come forward if this is happening to their child. It is only when people speak up - and keep speaking up - as Mark has done - that change will take place.

The media has reported about the recent job terminations at Dozier. They did not get the story right - Mark, Dawn, and CAICA are working to get the truth told to the public. Click here for more information, click here for errors in the media.

What I Learned Today (I learned From My Teenagers)

2007-05-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

Every teenager knows more than their parents and they’ll be the first to instruct you when you’re wrong, embarrassing, or just plain stupid. I’ve been working hard at updating my Teenager-Understanding Credentials but it’s an uphill struggle and the rules change often. Every day is different, but here are all the things I learned from my young teenagers just today:

1. If I can keep my mouth shut while driving teenagers home, they’ll forget I’m there and talk freely. If I can’t keep my mouth shut, they’ll get a ride home from someone else’s parent.

2. A “playa” is a guy who is a womanizer, not the Spanish word for beach.

3. Urbandictionary.com is very helpful with teen verbiage, see #2 above. Use the site with caution; it’s on the edge of the “I don’t really want to know this” realm.

4. I should not, under any circumstances including snow storm, earthquake, or hurricane, wave to my teenager when he’s at a social event that includes girls.

5. Moms are not allowed to say “dude.” Just as an aside - I think it’s against the Mom Code of Self-Respect as well. However, I may be called “dude” by a teenager and that’s acceptable if they’ve started the sentence with “dude” and ended it with “dude.” It’s all so complicated but I’m learning.

6. I should never say I like one of my teenager’s favorite songs because I’ll never hear them play it again. Hmm... maybe I should work that to my advantage (evil grin.)

7. My teenager’s current favorite foods all come from restaurants and are nothing that... I could make... at home... with the family gathered around the table... without the TV.

8. Sponge Bob is “gay” and Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven is “the bomb.” Wait, “the bomb” is my expression and I’m not sure what the current “hip” “rad” “cool” “far out” word is. I’m not worried though, my teenagers will surely correct me before the day is over. I have already clarified that “gay” does not mean what I think it does.

9. After a long hard day, young teenage boys still occasionally like to have their backs scratched at bedtime, but it has to be their idea and they’ll deny it ever happened in front of friends, siblings, and themselves.

10. “Everyone else is doing it”, “You’re a mean mom”, and “You wouldn’t understand” (said by an award-winning dramatic actress) are still a part of teenage vernacular. I vaguely remember using these phrases on my mom many, many years ago. Ahhh…. at last I’m on solid ground, at least until tomorrow when I’m bound to learn so much more.

Teenagers are persistent but impatient teachers with plenty of attitude, I mean character, and most days I am up to the challenge. However, there are other days when I just can’t seem to learn and find myself flipping through the yellow pages wondering if there is a Recovering Parents of Teenagers Group where I can get some mentoring.

10 Methods To Help Your Child Learn Better

2007-05-15T04:54:00.002-07:00

1. Provide your child with a special place to study and learn. This place should include good lighting, a desk or table, comfortable seating, a place for books, computer, printer and writing utensils.

2. Help your child to establish a study routine. Encourage your child to study at the same time and place with little or no interruptions from the phone, TV or people.

3. Instill responsibility by having your child become involved with chores around the house. Include and teach your child how to accomplish household task. This type of responsibility most often carries over to the responsibilities of completing school work.

4. Make sure that your child gets adequate nutrition and sleep. Developing a daily routine for both these important areas is important for the child to grow physically and intellectually.

5. Spend time with your child. Do things together. As your child grows older, they will want to spend more time with their peers and less time with you. Make it a point, no matter how old they are, to communicate daily.

6. Communicate with your child’s school. Attend conferences, parent nights and get involved by volunteering to help promote school activities. Many teachers have e-mail, voicemail, parent access to classroom grades and assignments. Many schools have a Web page that parent may utilize to help them and their child to communicate with the school better. Use all the available communication means that the school provides.

7. Be a positive reinforcement for Education. When your child sees that you value education, he or she will learn to value education as well.

8. Help your child to become in extra-curricular that the school provides. Research indicates that children who become involved in school plays, sports, band, student council, clubs and other activities become more socially and emotionally well-adjusted.

9. Encourage your child to set goals and discuss future dreams of what he or she would like to become as they mature. Discuss the world of work, travel, friends and listen to their ideas and concerns.

10. Be a role model. Study or read with your child. Take your child to your work. Allow your child to help you problem-solve. Speak positively about your child’s school. Remember, your child is watching you.

Paradise Lies Beneath Her Feet

2007-05-15T04:54:00.001-07:00

There is a saying in our society that paradise lies beneath a mother's feet. We are reminded to honour and respect our mother because only with her forgiveness (through the imagery of kissing her feet) that we can enter heaven. Such is the level of honour given to mothers in our society.

I lost my mother 5 years ago and I never stopped hurting. At the age of 66 years, she passed away from a heart attack and suddenly the world seemed a scary place to live in. Never did I think losing a mother would leave such a hole in my life, it felt like the invisible chord was conclusively cut from within. Losing a mother literally shakes your sense of security and stability.

We had such a tempestuous relationship. In my adulthood I could not remember being hugged by my mother and I never learned to touch her like normal children do. It would be unnatural to show affection and so I never learned to kiss her.

Perhaps it was her own upbringing that made her the tough person that she was. But I should have cut her some slack and tried to understand her emotional limitation. Not that she did not give alot to her children in other areas. She demonstrated strength of character, a huge sense of responsibility, nobility and generosity.

During those hungry years, she worked hard and made sacrifices for her children. I did not see the exhaustion in her eyes, I only remember her impatience when things were a mess at home. She cooked, she washed and she worked.

I did not see the pain in her eyes when I snubbed or fought her, I only cared that I won the battle. I realized now that I won the battle because she let me.

I have been blessed with a girl of my own and perhaps this child was meant to bridge my relationship with my mother. The minute she was born, I mentally prostrated to God in appreciation of my mother. For I had come from her womb and she had carried me for nine months and I understood then that there was no love greater than a mother's love for her child. No matter what. And no matter how much I love my child, my mother loved me MORE.

In the holy book of Koran, as expressed by the messenger of God,Prophet Mohamed (pbuh) that our mothers are the most deserving of our care and attention for ," She is the one who made womb a vessel for you and nourished you from her breast. You have no option to love her..."

I am thankful that at least we had some good 5 years before her passing and towards the end, I think we finally understood each other.

Mother please forgive me and I do love you.

I am grateful that I am able to learn from this and impart to my child the importance of open affection for each other. Even though my mother is not with me on Mother's Day, I celebrate and embrace Mother's Day, in her memory.

Happy Mother's Day To All Mothers!

Teaching Children Personal Hygiene Habits

2007-05-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

Back in the day; I mean some twelve years ago when my daughter was a toddler, I used to teach her personal hygiene while she was unable to comprehend anything. While most children do not even remember their early years of being 2 or 3 years old many can remember the things you did for them as a parent; when you remind them of what you use to do to help them mature and grow up over the years. Today, I see it has truly paid off. My mother often shared with my daughter personal hygiene when she began to smell under her arm pits and started the need to have to use deodorant. You have to teach your child the basic fundamentals about personal hygiene. Personal hygiene is something that definitely cannot be avoided.

The only way for your child to learn it, is if you teach it. It’s something they will not learn on their own. Children do what they have been told to do, and they do what they see others do, meaning you as a parent or someone else they come into contact with; whether a relative, teacher, or friend. Once your children continue to grow older and understand the purpose and need for good personal hygiene it’s like a feeling of accomplishment for one aspect of parenting. I remember I used to brush and floss my teeth with my daughter; today I just friendly remind her of the dentist and she makes it her business to brush and floss on her own. I taught my daughter at an early age how to bathe properly and how to brush and floss her teeth; It’s alright to allow your child to eat candy; as long as you let them know they should brush and floss their teeth every day; “two-times” a day or more if necessary. I guess she was about 6 or 7 years old when I stopped physically bathing her myself.

Personal hygiene goes way beyond brushing and flossing teeth. A simple gesture such as washing your hands before opening the door of your refrigerator is good hygiene teaching; especially if your child has just come from outdoors playing. Believe it or not your children are a reflection of you as a parent. They’re in your image and likeness; so the more your children see you do the things beneficial for yourself, they will want to do likewise as long as it’s helpful and beneficial for their betterment. Personal hygiene is a “life-long” need and should be taught at a very early age once you see your child is coordinated and has good physical statue without any complications while taking care of themselves.

The whole body from head to toe needs personal attention regularly and should not be excluded on a daily basis. Remember, when your parents teased you about “toe-jam”, told you to come to them so they could clean your “nose” out; and clean your “ear-lopes.” to get that wax out of your ears. If so, chances are you were raised with good personal hygiene habits. Teach these good habits to your children, and be thankful you were taught them yourself at some time in your life span.

Your child or children are an asset to you and not a liability. Look, Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of your womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3. If you are struggling with your parental rights and responsibilities sign-up to receive tips on life in general and I can help you with your parenting concerns.

Being Gentle is a Virtue Too, Teach It To Your Children Early

2007-05-08T04:43:00.002-07:00

We’ve all known them, those individuals who remain calm in times of stress, who can sit quietly amongst chaos, and even in the most trying of times have an air of gentleness. Gentleness is a virtue that one finds more often than not in the more mature of humans…those who see life as a place where things aren’t to be treated with extreme emotions or swings of attitude, but with love and gratitude.

When I was a little boy I loved to watch the TV show “Superman” starring George Reeves. It was typical, early, black and white television (yes, I’m that old!) where a simple plot was woven into the weekly storyline demonstrating the amazing powers of Superman and his relationships with his: side-kick photographer Jimmy Olsen, love interest Lois Lane, Police Detective Trask, and bumbling editor Perry White.

This little show depicted the usual villain being hunted for a crime with Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen trying to get the “scoop” for a story in The Daily Planet newspaper. Bespectacled Clark Kent, who was Superman in disguise, was described in the opening sequence as “mild mannered”, the reporter who never got the story, always showed up late to the crime scene or when the villain had already been apprehended. Of course, as Superman, he’d already done all of the apprehending.

Kent would always wink to the camera at the end when he would take the usual ribbing from his co-workers about how he was habitually slow and would never make a good reporter. Clark was a gentle character and George Reeves played him perfectly.

The writers of Superman knew that by developing the characters of Superman and Clark Kent is such a fashion they would show how a super hero with other-worldly powers could also be very human, and humane, while displaying a gentleness that belied an individual who garnered such tremendous abilities. Just for fun, here is the opening sequence:

“Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! Its’ a plane! It’s Superman!”

“Yes, its’ Superman, a strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal man. Superman – who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way.”

Wonderful stuff!

Gentleness is a virtue that is rapidly fading from sight in today’s world. Why? When did the sense of being gentle become an attribute of only the weak?

Gentleness can be used in many arenas of life, and we get so much satisfaction from it that I’m amazed how we have dismissed it from our modern day demeanor. I mean, aren’t we gentle with babies? Puppies? Kittens? Why not each other?

TV shows like “Survivor” and “The Apprentice” only reinforces the now stereotypical scheming and conniving individual that America has come to see as heroes. Heroes? Give me a break.

By teaching our children and young adults that being devious and two-faced in our dealings with others in work or play, we create a whole generation of thousands of kids who believe that kind of behavior is normal and expected. Wow, what have we done to our country and ourselves?

Yes, I understand that in the real world of adults not everyone plays with integrity and fairness, but to teach our children to combat that behavior with more shrewdness and backstabbing only perpetuates the problem.

By giving our children, and ourselves for that matter, permission to live with gentleness in our lives, we also give them hope. Hope that life can be fair, fun, entertaining, educational and fulfilling. Obviously, we still need to teach them how others will not act with a sense of fairness or ethics and integrity, but just because others do it doesn’t mean that the fair-minded have to succumb to the depths of the common and vulgar who won’t play by the rules and push everything to extremes.

Give gentleness a try. Use it at work with someone who could use a kind word, gesture or assistance with a task. Be gentle in traffic with those who are obviously struggling. Be gentle with people who have tough jobs like the garbage collector, highway repair personnel, truck drivers and cashiers.

Remember, what you put out comes back to you, so be gentle daily and see how others will be gentle with you. Life would be so much better if we all took other’s situations into account before lashing out rudely; take a deep breath, think how you’d like to be treated if the shoes were on the foot; be a Superman or Superwoman and be gentle.

Dealing With the Moody Pre-Teen

2007-05-08T04:43:00.001-07:00

We all go through moody phases now and then but when our lovable child starts to exhibit the early signs of moodiness, right before puberty, it just doesn’t seem real. She has now started with the eye rolling, door slamming, back talking and is now a highly opinionate pre-adolescent. As parents we also notice their amazing ability to transform themselves with in an instant. They can go from being the “know it all” to the lovable child you once knew in a matter of seconds. Here are some tips that may help these hormonal transitions become tolerable for parents.

• Don’t take their mood swings personally. As confusing as their behavior may be, try to understand that preteens are far more confused about their changing bodies and emotions than they will admit. It is safe for them to lash out at you, knowing that they have your unconditional love. It is a back-handed compliment.

• Wait for the storm to blow over. Then try to reestablish communication with your child when he or she seems more receptive. It may be easier to initiate conversation about a neutral subject before easing into a review of the feelings behind the last outburst. Perhaps when the cloud passes, you and your youngster will be able to share a warm moment that will give you both hope for a better tomorrow.

• A helpful, non-threatening phrase to use during a preteen’s outburst is: “I don’t talk to you in that manner; please don’t talk to me that way.” This, of course, requires great restraint on your part. If you lose control and yell back, the exchange will escalate to war status before it falls apart completely. At the same time, it is important to let your youngster know that you are still in charge and in control of yourself in spite of what they may be going through. Be calm, even if you do not feel calm.

• There is nothing as valuable to confused preteens as having unconditional acceptance from the people who are still the most important ones in their lives: their parents. Showing your acceptance by spending time with your preteens is very important. But you do not favors for your children by suggesting magnanimously that you do other things together that you like better than your preteens do. In this case, they feel like they are indulging you. Put aside the notion that you can decide what activities your children should enjoy, and take time to ferret out what things they like to do. Then spend time with them doing those things. Even watching their favorite TV program in silence, or a movie that rates no stars with you, can convey your acceptance of them and your availability, should they want to talk.

• Reassure your preteen that moods are feelings that, with time, will pass and may or may not recur. With time, these mood swings ease and youngsters can learn more efficient ways to deal with them, such as paying attention to their diet, exercising, deep breathing, or other forms of relaxation.

• Start teaching girls to observe and note mod changes associated with their menstrual cycles so they begin to understand and learn about their own cyclic patterns.

How To Stop Being A Hypocrite

2007-05-08T04:42:00.002-07:00

Do you like to be a hypocrite? I surely don't and I'm sure you also don't. The horrible, disgusting, and awful feeling of telling people not to do something thing while I'm doing that very thing just isn't fun! It's just so hard to always "practice what I preach".

There are a few ways that people deal with this awful feeling.

One way is through "denial", meaning you just don't admit to yourself that your actions don't meet up with your words. You lecture your child about the harms of being overweight and you convince yourself that you aren't overweight but just born with a "big frame". This lie works for a little while but eventually it catches up to you and then you once again feel that aching pain in the pit of your stomach.

Another way is to deny that there is a problem. For instance, you tell yourself and your children that there is nothing wrong with being overweight. You tell yourself that scientists, researches, and doctors tell us that it is dangerous to be fat only because they are funded by pharmaceutical and diet companies. This strategy is dangerous because the problem gets worse and worse until......

There is a strategy to stop being a hypocrite that is simple, effective, and is also free! All you have to be is sensitive and honest with yourself and the other person.

For instance, in the case above about being overweight.

*Admit to yourself that you are overweight.

*Don't berate yourself for this (it doesn't help) but realize that it is VERY DIFFICULT to stop overeating and that you don't always have the strength to do it.

*Lecture with compassion and sensitivity. Don't yell, "Don't you realize what you are doing to yourself! Why don't you just stop eating!". (This is being hypocritical) Rather IDENTIFY with her situation and say, "I know that it is so hard to stop eating. Eating is so calming. I myself am a slave to eating. Your still young. Pull yourself together and try to break this habit."

As long as you admit to yourself that you are not perfect, don't like the situation that you are in, and that you would like to change you are NOT being a hypocrite. (A father sentenced to a jail sentence is not a hypocrite if he tells his son to "stay clean" so as to not end up like him.)

Try it and you will see that your child will also realize that you are authentic and not a faker and will begin to listen to what you say.

Internet Safety For Kids - Tips For Parents' Peace of Mind

2007-05-08T04:42:00.001-07:00

The newest concern for parents is Internet safety for kids. Children are growing up with information at their fingertips, but many of the places they go on-line are not safe. Chat rooms can expose children to unsavory ideas, and many other websites regularly collect information from children about their parents, their schools, and even their addresses.

Unfortunately, this is just the beginning. Pedophiles are attracted to kids’s websites too, and regularly try to lure kids into meeting them in real life. There have been many abduction cases that resulted in child molestation and even child pornography.

The facts of on-line child abuse are hard to face, but parents can be relieved to know that there are many ways to improve Internet safety for kids. As with all child safety precautions, it is best to work actively with children so they can learn how to navigate the world’s traps and tricks when they are on their own.

In a perfect world, parents will always be able to monitor what their children see on-line, but of course this is next to impossible. By following the tips below, parents can gain more control of what their children see on the internet, and also rest assured that their kids will know what to do if accosted on-line.

The big picture is to agree on some “house rules” for using the Internet. Even better is to make a pact with them about on-line behavior. Here are some common rules many parents make for kids:

1. Never give your personal information on-line, including real name, address, and school. If any webpage asks for information, check with parents’ first.
2. No meeting with people from chat rooms - unless parents’ agree. Also, parents’ should arrange to go with them to a first meeting.
3. Never send picture of yourself to others.
4. Never download any software with parental permission.

Further protection is to keep the computer in the family room, rather than in the children’s bedroom. Or, agree on times when they are allowed to surf the Internet, so they can be monitored from a distance.

Kids want freedom of information, too, despite legitimate parental concerns for their safety. Often it is difficult to monitor them directly, so consider these tactics:

1. Check the Internet history weekly by clicking on preferences for most browsers.
2. Enable parental controls on search results for Google and the other main search engines.
3. Invest in software that tracks Internet history and also bars web pages that may be unsafe.

It is unfortunate that parents have to balance their children's trust with concerns for their safety, so I always recommend that the above tactics are used only as a "last defense."

Since the Online Children’s Protection Act of 1998, websites that request information for children under the age of 13 have to get parental permission first.

Understanding the Basics of Autism and Discipline

2007-05-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

There are never hard and fast rules about discipline with any child, and most parents struggle with it, at least at first. There is a fine line between wanting to show your children love by letting things slide and by loving them by making sure they grow up to be good people. When it comes to autism and discipline, it can be even harder to navigate.

Parents of autistic children can have a tough road ahead, and they generally have to be even more thoughtful about their discipline. When dealing with autism and having to dole out punishment, parents have to remain positive, be timely, and they absolutely have to be consistent.

There are a few different ways to remain positive about discipline. It is important to reward the positive and good moments as often as possible. Using a reward system for the good moments by giving stickers that add up to get them a treat works well. Though all children will respond to this, those with autism will be helped greatly by this type of system.

Another way to remain positive is to watch for the root reason for why the child might be acting out. Some children may have motor skills problems or trouble communicating how they feel, and they can often act out from frustration. If this is the case, a parent should try to redirect the child with relaxation techniques. It might take a while, but they might be able to learn to soothe themselves in time.

Parents must be consistent with all discipline if they want it to be effective. The child must be able to predict what will happen when the are doing something they should not doing. Consistency will help parents remain in control at all times, and might help sway the child from bad behaviors.

When counting to three to warn a child to stop something or they are going to be punished, it is important to always follow through. A parent cannot count to two and then start over again with the counting or the child will think they can get away with what they are doing.

Timeliness comes when there needs to be swift action. Some parents like to wait until their spouse comes home so they can deal with the child together, however, this rarely works for autistic children. The punishment must be immediate. If they break something on purpose at lunchtime, and then they are punished for it four hours later, the child may not connect the two events and they will be confused and might think they are being punished for a good behavior.

When it comes to discipline, both parents have to be fully involved in the process or the child will not get the most from it. It’s important not to leave the disciplining to just one parent.

Sign up for the free autism newsletter below to gain access to more parenting tips and advice.

It is also important for parents to keep their cool when anything happens. Yelling is never a good idea, but it will be very counterproductive when dealing with autism and discipline. It is okay for one parent to leave the room if they think they are overheating so that they can calm down. It is important to keep a level head. Parenting autistic children can be difficult, but having a consistent and timely plan for dealing with problems is essential.

How to Handle Crying Kids

2007-05-04T04:04:00.002-07:00

Everyone cries, whether they are adults, children, male or female. People cry when they are happy, sad, angry, hurt, scared, proud or embarrassed. Children also cry when they are tired, dissatisfied, sick, hungry or just plain bored.

Sometimes children use crying as a means of getting their own way. Coddling children when they are old enough to know how to manipulate a situation by crying sends the message that turning on the tears is an affective way to get what they want.

The best way to get children to stop crying is by distracting them. If they forget why they are crying in the first place, they have no reason to continue crying. You might compare this to adults by thinking of something that makes you upset or worried. If you keep thinking about it, your mood will not improve; but by distracting yourself and thinking about or doing something else, you will forget that you are worried and be able to move on.

Once you have established that nothing is truly wrong with the child, try to distract them by asking questions like what they had for breakfast or what their favorite TV show is. If you continue to talk to them and ask them questions, they will be concentrating on your conversation and not whatever led them to start crying. By the time they realize that they have stopped crying, it will be too late to start up again.

Another way to distract children from crying is to get them to move around or perform tasks that they have to think about and concentrate on. Turn the situation around and ask if they can help you instead of you helping them. Whatever way you choose, distracting the child will soon turn off the water works and get them back to their previous activity.

If you continue to practice these strategies when your children cry they will eventually no longer be necessary. Not giving in to your kids because they are crying will show them that they can not use crying as an easy way out.

If your children cry when they are punished or on a time out, ignoring their tears is the only way they will learn a lesson. If they are on a time out and you are talking to them or trying to comfort them, you are sending the message that misbehaving equals attention from mom or dad. Ignoring them will solidify the line between what behavior merits a reward and what behavior deserves punishment.

While crying to express emotion is a part of life, it is important for your children to know that it is not a way to get what they want. The real world will not coddle them the way mom and dad do, so though it may seem like a harsh lesson at times, it is an important one for every parent to enforce.

Helping Your Children Overcome Fear

2007-05-04T04:04:00.001-07:00

Helping your children overcome fear can be a tough task. I am no expert on the area, but I would like to share some things that we have done that seemed to have worked pretty good. Fears come in many shapes and sizes. For example, some kids may be slightly intimidated by strangers, while others may be paralyzed by fear when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. Some kids may be scared to walk into a dark room, while others may be gripped by a level of fear that is off the charts when they find themselves in the dark.

Fear of heights, fear of water, fear of doctors, fear of being alone, you name it, children can be faced with them all. One of the most important things for us to remember as parents is that regardless of how ridiculous their fears may seem at times, they are real. If we want to help them overcome them, we must understand that, first and foremost. One of the worst things we can do with our children is to belittle them when we see some type of fear manifesting in them.

When you see some fear in them, take time out and talk them through it. Help them face that fear and walk it out with them. Last year while we were on vacation, for some reason, my son was scared to get into a swimming pool. He had never been fond of swimming, but for some reason this time he was terrified. It made no sense. He had been swimming before, but on this day he was paralyzed by fear. I came to the edge of the pool and began talking him through it. It took a long time, but I remained patient with him and he finally got in the pool. I don’t know why he was scared and neither did he. He just was. We took it slow, and I just explained to him that we all have fear from time to time and that in order to beat it, we have to face it. I told him about my fear of showing off my 200 and none of your business pounds to the world, but was not going to let that keep me from going swimming with him. I explained to him that a brave and courageous boy wasn’t someone without fear, just someone who refused to let fear rule over him. It was someone who was determined to face their fears and overcome them. Oh yeah, I also had to throw into the equation that fear comes from our enemy the devil and in order to beat him up he was going to have to get in the pool. All I know is it worked. He got in the pool and for the rest of the vacation he wanted to go swimming every day.

I’m not sure how all fears develop in our children but some things are a given. Certain television shows and movies can give birth to fear in our children. Pay attention to what your children are watching. Sometimes, we help facilitate fears in them by how we treat them. For example, constantly saying things like, “be careful,” and “you’re going to get hurt” can impart fear in our children. I’m not saying never to say things like that, I’m just saying be careful that you don’t go overboard with it. Some fears are passed down from us to our children. More times than not, when this happens the fears seem much more elevated in our children than ourselves. Determine to overcome your fears so they aren’t passed on to your children. Then, there are those fears that just seem to pop up from nowhere. Those that just make no sense. I believe our enemy the devil needs no assistance from us, television, or anything else to slap our children with a heavy load of fear. He’s the author of all of it. Bathing our children with prayer and the Word of God will do wonders in helping them to overcome fear.

Slow Down, Dad

2007-05-04T04:03:00.002-07:00

Recently, I was on a ministry retreat. Now, one would assume that since the very nature of a retreat is to slow down, that while attending a retreat you would experience a time of refreshing. Well, in theory that is true. However, in order for that to happen you have to make yourself slow down. In our culture today, cell phones, laptops, and convenient internet access make it very difficult to really get away. Get away on vacation, on a retreat, for a day off, or just get away from work when you’re at home in the evening. We live in a busy world and even though we try to take some time to get away from it all, if we are not resolute in our pursuit for a time of refreshing, we will come back just as tired as we were before we left.

I found myself at this retreat going to meetings, and making phone calls in between meetings, and texting between meetings, (and, yes, during meetings too) as if the world couldn’t go on without my input. I found myself going to bed late only to have to get up early and rushing out the door in order not to miss breakfast. Now, where my wife and I were staying, it was about a 5 to 10 minute drive to the retreat facility where all the meetings and meals were. Each time we drove to and from the retreat facility, we passed by a location where people were standing outside looking up at something. Some had cameras, and some had binoculars and all of them were looking up in the same direction. Each time we passed, we wondered what in the world they were looking at, but we were in too big of a hurry to bother stopping.

Finally, as I was driving by, I caught a glimpse of something high up in a tree that was apparently the focus of all the attention. It seemed to be a rather large nest and I thought to myself, “I wonder if that is an eagle’s nest up there.” I had no idea if eagles even lived in this area, but I only thought that because I couldn’t think of any other bird that would have a nest that large. Next time by, I was determined to stop and check it out.

Again, as I was passing by, I was in a hurry to get to the next meeting but made the decision to stop anyway. What I saw was absolutely awesome. The nest was home to a family of bald eagles. Two adult eagles and two little ones. A gentleman, who I later found out was a photographer, was there taking some pictures and was kind enough to lend me his binoculars. My wife who was with me, along with our pastor’s wife, just stood mesmerized by the majesty of these awesome creatures. Needless to say, we were quite late to our meeting.

I wonder how many people pass by that location everyday and see people standing out there, but never slow down long enough to check it out. Let’s face it, it’s not everyday you see bald eagles in the wild. I’m now 40 and it’s my first time to see bald eagles anywhere but a zoo. In order to catch something like this, you have to slow down. The same holds true with so much in life. We can get so busy with life that we miss so much. We can put so much into making a living that we forget to have a life.

Don’t get so busy that you miss important events in the lives of your children. They only get that first base hit once. They will only score that first touchdown one time. They will only have a handful of recitals, or plays, or games, or track meets, or science fairs, or ballets. You will wake up one day and your children will be 18, 19, or 20 years old and about to head off to college or about to get married, and if you lived most of those years in the fast lane you will be full of regrets. You’ll wish then that you would have slowed down.

Slow down! Enjoy the journey. Learn to put down your cell phone and turn off your laptop. Get out of the left hand lane and cruise in the right hand lane a while. Who knows maybe you’ll catch sight of a bald eagle. Or, better yet the debut performance of an up and coming ballerina who just happens to have your eyes and her momma’s nose.

Transition Time Made Easy

2007-05-04T04:03:00.001-07:00

Transition creates stress.

It could be a headline of a family handbook. We have whole companies who specialize in how to handle change in the business world. But we are still surprised when change, transitions create stress in families.

I go on trips to get the word out about The Parent Program regularly. When I get back, my wife and daughter have found their own easy rhythm. They have one on one time and have found the balance by the time I get back. All of a sudden we go from 1 interaction (between them) to 1+1+1 and also one where we are all together. This change impacts their little peace! And after the first happy moments, we can get irritated at each other for the smallest things. Transition time!

All families deal with transitions.

It doesn't matter whether you are a tow parent, single parent or blended many parent family! You have transition times during every day. From kids leaving from school, a parent coming back from work to returns from sleep overs, school camps and more.

It is natural that some are easier than others, but all are moments where adjustments are made. Realizing the impact on everyone makes it easier to prevent unnecessary conflicts or over-heated situations. If you have a child (or partner) who doesn't deal with change easily it can be necessary to prepare them for every change that happens.

In families dealing with divorce, or in situations where other have part of the care for children like foster care, these transition moments can be even more highly charged. And of course they are! Dealing with "the other parent" and the changes in parenting style, the emotions you and you kids go through, it all is highly stressful.

What you can do.

1. Know yourself and your kids/partners Think about who is more affected by changes and which ones. Think about the specific especially charged situations in your family. Make a list of those moments and think about what is different about each. And what the same. Find the trigger points in which one or all tend to blow up, get irritated or withdraw into silence, their room etc.

2. Talk about it. Talk about those moments and that it is normal for each of you to be affected by changes and each differently. Because you are all different. Think together about tricks, techniques you can use to help each other in those situations. For one it can be to let them fume, without reacting, for another it can be playing a board game to get them out of a bad mood, or have them do something physical to get the energy out. Include yourself and you own needs in these moments, because your mood affects everyone too!

3. Structure it as much as you can to prevent surprises and conflicts. By knowing how things will go, kids - and you- are better prepared to deal with changes, transitions and the impact they can have. If you have frequent transitions structure and consistency, in how you deal with them, will help everyone, but especially those who have a hard time with change. The structure then becomes the consistent factor that helps them. (And if it doesn't go to plan they will likely balk at that part instead of a person directly. A little one may react "We always get my coat first and then we put on my boots" An adult may fall over that "you are later than agreed") You can structure what is acceptable behavior and what not as well. So everyone knows what is ok and what not when the moment comes.

4. Expect emotions and deal with them kindly. Emotions and charged reactions are part of transitions. When you see them as waves that come and go, and are ok, you can let them wash through yourself and your kids. So they can come and go. By having taken steps 1-3 you are prepared to deal with them well. Accept them. You can signal your kids when they step over boundaries you have set for acceptable behavior in their own emotions. They can let it out without hurting others. And know that whether others are aware or not, they deal with the same process. So take a deep breath and be kind. It will help you, your kids and all of you in the next round of transitions that come!

In my family we now know that we react to the changes and that we will get irritated for no good reason at some point. We try to stop ourselves from jumping on issues (even if we are right!) and give each other some breathing room to adjust to the new situation.

It makes it easier for me to leave on trips too, now I know that we will find a way to make it easier for each other. And that it is not "my fault" for interrupting their nice get-together!

Complaining To Our Child's School

2007-05-04T04:02:00.000-07:00

When our 7 year old daughter came home and announced that her name had been put on the board, we were horrified. Her teacher used the practice of writing the names of children on the class whiteboard when she judged they had been naughty. Linked to this ''naming'' of naughty children was the concept that they would lose the reward of what the school calls golden time.

Now, you might think that this practice is a little over the top for 7 year old children. This is certainly what we think. So, our first reaction was annoyance. However, we then started to question what awful crime our daughter could have committed to deserve this treatment.

It turned out that it was our fault. The school requires children to read every single evening and expects parents to complete a log to prove this. For two nights we had forgotten to complete the reading log. So, our daughter was being punished for something that was our fault. To put this situation into a bit more perspective it is worth giving a bit more background. Not only were the 7 year olds in the class expected to read every day, they were also expected to learn spellings and their times tables at home. In addition to this they had to complete a piece of literacy homework plus numeracy homework every week. In our opinion, this is far too much for such young children.

What made matters worse, was the fact that our daughter was being pressurised by her teacher to do the homework. A quick straw poll of other parents revealed that we were not alone with our concerns. Most parents had similar concerns for their own children.

Our primary concern was for our own child so we arranged an appointment with her teacher. Although the teacher was quite pleasant she made it clear that the approach to homework was school policy. She also commented that children in other schools get far more homework. She also did not accept that our child was being pressurised. We disagreed.

Our standpoint was that as our daughter felt pressurised, she was being pressurised. Whilst this type of pressure may or may not be appropriate for older children it was certainly not the right approach for a child of tender years.

Having achieved nothing by talking to the teacher, we considered what to do next. In fact we visited the Education and Learning section of the DirectGov website (UK). This sets out the steps you could take when you have reason to complain about your child’s school.

Step One: Have a discussion with the class teacher and/or head of year.

Step Two: Contact the head teacher to discuss the problem.

Step Three: Raise the complaint with the school governing body.

Step Four: Raise the complaint with the local education authority

Step Five: Complain to the Secretary of State for Education

Step Six: Inform Ofsted of your concerns

Armed with this information we wrote a polite letter to the Head Teacher. She invited us to a meeting, where we set out our concerns. She explained that the policy of the school was to work with parents to help develop the children. She also told us homework policy was designed with this in mind and that there is no intention to put young children under pressure.

We were careful not to criticise our daughter’s teacher and made it clear that we wanted to work with the school not against it. The outcome we agreed was that we would restrict the amount of time our daughter would spend on her homework, unless she wanted to spend longer. The head teacher also agreed that any issues about our daughter’s homework would be raised with us rather than our daughter, in future. We also agreed a date for a follow-up meeting, to monitor the situation.

Since our meeting we have noticed a reduction in the amount of homework, to more reasonable levels. We have also noticed that our daughter is no longer being put under pressure to complete homework.

Our daughter is much happier at school now. We are also convinced that the quality of her school work has improved.

We think this vindicates our determination to tackle the issue and to tackle it in the way we chose. There was no need to take an aggressive table thumping approach and adopting a collaborative attitude certainly worked for us on this occasion. We were, however, glad to have visited the DirectGov website as it was helpful to know that there was more we could have done if we had not found the happy ending we were looking for.

Heartbroken Teen - Nursing Your Teen Through a Broken Heart

2007-04-30T03:19:00.003-07:00

We're all familiar with puppy love. Given adolescent intelligence (or lack thereof) coupled with a higher hormone rate and lower emotional maturity, it's part of the natural process that a teenager's first love will be blown all out of proportion and turned, in the teenager's mind, into the "one true love" that he or she can't live without. While as parents and mature adults we know better, it doesn't change the fact that getting dumped is an extremely painful experience for a teenager, especially if it's a first. Here are a few sage pieces of advice to help you cope with a heartbroken teen.

Don't Downplay Their Pain - some parents make the mistake of saying inanities to their heartbroken teen like "It Will Get Easier Over Time" or some such. Yes, we know it will, but we've had far more years to build up a tolerance to emotional pain than the average teenager. Because they haven't lived as long or gone through as much as we have, always remember that the pain they are experiencing will probably be the worst they have ever encountered in their relatively short lives. Trying to get them to forget the pain by actively countering it only makes it worse. Let the pain run its course. Then, redirect their emotions towards something more lighthearted. Make them laugh if you can, or help them remember something that will make them smile.

Offer Constructive Advice - once your teenager's pain has lessened a bit, either by catharsis or by your making your heartbroken teen laugh a bit, THEN you should offer constructive advice to your heartbroken teen. Focus their attention towards logical solutions to what they see as an earth shattering problem. Don't tell your heartbroken teen what to do; use leading questions that help him or her come to the conclusions on their own. This forces their minds to work, and the very act of applying logic to what is essentially an emotional problem will focus their attention away from their hurt.

"I Told You So" and "I'm Older So I Know Better" DOES NOT WORK - this is something that, sadly, most parents are prone to. Nagging your heartbroken teen during a time of emotional crisis is a sure fire way to make your teen dig in his or her heels and rebel against you. Avoid making what you say sound like a lecture or a dressing down because this will only convince your heartbroken teen about the "rightness" of his or her decision, despite evidence to the contrary. And naturally, since they will think that they're "right", it just makes the breakup all the more "wrong", amplifying their confusion and pain.

DON'T Forbid Vices - lastly, some parents naturally worry that their heartbroken teen will get into something like smoking, alcohol, or illegal drugs as a means of escapism from the heartache. Sadly, this HAS been known to happen often, but remember that the best way to get your heartbroken teen to try something out is to actually forbid it. During this time of pain your heartbroken teen will be even more prone to react in this fashion. So, unless your heartbroken teen brings up the topic, don't even mention that they should try and avoid the bad juju. If they do bring it up, deal with it as diplomatically as possible without making it sound like a prohibition. One good way is to simply tell them that they're mature enough to make their own decisions, and that you trust them to think things through for themselves. This implied faith in them serves to both make them feel better, and forces them to think and act instead of just reacting to their pain.

Intuition and Your Child

2007-04-30T03:19:00.001-07:00

I just finished reading an article on the power of intuition. Not intuition in the magical mind reading, future telling sense, but intuition in the "knowing" sense.

In recent studies researchers have found that people who actively use their intuition make very rapid assessments of people, surroundings and events in mere moments. And studies have further shown that the assessments made, when evaluated, are quite accurate.

So, what value does this information serve for you? Well, as your children grow, and as they have what I would call "instinctive responses" to certain things, instead of questioning those feelings and pushing your child past them or through them, I challenge you to teach your children the value of listening to that inner voice.

We're often taught that we should learn, memorize, and use common sense and other people as guides to making our decisions, but I think we've all made decisions we've regretted by using these very guides. The reality may be that we already hold the wisdom within of the best route, safest way, or who to trust, by tapping into our own intuition.

So the next time your toddler, school-aged child, or teen has a strong feeling about something, teach them to trust what they're feeling. There's a really good chance that it's very in-tune with what's really going on. And by building and supporting them to trust in their own intuition, you’re providing them a great gift—the gift of self-trust and strengthened intuition.

Build that strength in your child, and you're growing a person that will do amazing things!

Parenting Teenagers - It's Not About You

2007-04-30T03:18:00.002-07:00

One of the most profound perspective shifts I've ever made was directly related to parenting my teenagers (of which I have four right now).

I was in a coaching class learning about the fact that when our clients come to us and bring us their concerns, challenges and emotions, we need to keep perspective that all of what they share is about them, not us. I thought this was rather straightforward thinking and that it made sense to me—after all, why would their problems be about me?

So within a day of that class, I had a very crabby teenager on my hands. She had not gotten enough sleep, had been pushed a little too far at school, and was home taking it out on her family (me specifically).

At a point where I began feeling very defensive and was just about to say "look young lady, enough is enough, if you're in a bad mood, you can just go hang out in your room," something hit me for the first time ever. This wasn't about me. This was about her. It was about her tiredness, her bad day, and her irritation with HER life. I could make it about me if I chose to do so, or I could choose to find a way to help her through the rough spot.

At that moment, instead of yelling at her for yelling at me, I shifted my perspective from "I don't like the way she's treating ME" to "I think she's trying to tell me that she needs something." So I asked, "Honey, what do you need?" in a mild, non-defensive tone of voice (because I wasn't feeling defensive now that I knew it was really all about her). And she told me.

The anger was gone in a flash and the evening turned out to be a relaxed and enjoyable one.

I keep my new perspective in my pocket now, because it's just an amazing tool for handling the ups and downs of, what can be, some rather rough years.

Toy Therapy - The Importance of Play to Support (and Survive) The Gifted Child

2007-04-30T03:18:00.001-07:00

Each week, I write a column about the relationship between children’s toys and imaginative play to areas of cognitive and emotional development through playing with toys. I don’t do this because I am compensated; I have an even better reason – my wife asked me to! And like any dedicated husband who works long hours, and has a refined sense of self-preservation – I dedicate myself whenever possible, to my wife’s requests…but having said that, let me share with you one of her rather remarkable reasons for her interest and dedication to imaginative toys.

My stepson Adam is now 18 years old. He is excelling at school, has some close friends, and has even made high honors and published articles locally. But this was not always the case, and his road to his success was paved in part by my wife’s unrelenting persistence and support.

By the time Adam was 5 years old, he was communicating with world-renowned paleontologists, like the late Dr. John Ostrom at Harvard’s Peabody Museum, the discoverer of the Deinonychus Dinosaur. His discovery was the basis for the “raptors” in Jurassic Park. Adam would dictate letters, asking scientists for complex information about the skeletal functions and the teeth of dinosaurs, to the delight of scientists, who almost always wrote back.

By the time he was six, he had a pre-med student tutoring him at a noted local University in Biology 101. He passed the oral version of the Bio-101 final exam with a score of 100, and scored higher than the sophomores on the dissection of the pig – though my wife takes their word, and preferred to read in the lobby for this event. But note – he could not read, nor write yet. This is crucial, because it is diagnostic. Adam suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, a pretty widely known and discussed neurological difficulty.

While Adam was brilliant and seemed very adult in certain areas, he struggled with other academic skills and even more in social skills. My wife, with the best of intentions made all the typical mistakes, such as augmenting the academic gifts and forgetting about toys and the critical importance of typical play with toys; a normal part of any child's development.

One day, she drove Adam to school. He had forgotten about show and tell. She asked if he would like to take his science journal, as it might be interesting to the other kids. He looked at her like a deer in headlights, and spoke in complete earnest – “Mom, my teacher knows, and you need to know that my science is a secret”. My wife was astonished. “Why?” she asked. The simple answer was, “I don’t want to be different”.

My wife dropped him off at school, and went to out to buy toys. Most heart-rending of all was his inability to communicate with peers. Like a born again play therapist, she came home with an armload of great children’s toys. Within a week the little boy in the house behind Adam’s began knocking at the door each day, wearing a Viking helmet, and would say, “Send Adam outside, and tell him to make sure he’s armed!” While this raised his mother’s eyebrows, it truly paved the road leading to Adams achievements over time, and my wife’s interest in Toys For Little Boys. After all, all children are still just children, no matter how gifted they are. Toys are the keys to a great childhood – don’t hesitate to let them play!

Parenting Strategies Can Backfire - When Kids Who Bite are Smarter Than Adults!

2007-04-30T03:17:00.000-07:00

A child who bites tests the most patient parent's strategies to the limit - and almost all toddlers try out biting behaviors at sometime in their development. For several reasons, this is not OK! 1) You cannot allow your kid to create a habit of biting - or any other violent behavior. 2) You don't want your kid to discover biting as an effective attention-getting behavior. And 3) you don't want to create a parent/child pattern of act, react, react, and react.

My two-year-old nephew surprised me with test bite one day. I was startled of course. Confidently and with clear-headed resolve, I lowered him quickly to the floor. I told him I was not going to allow him to hurt me. And, I turned on my heels and backed away. Abruptly and firmly (but not with anger), I withdrew a few paces and watched his reaction.

He was shocked! I'm not sure what he expected - but my calm withdrawal seemed to surprise him. And, he clearly didn't like it. He quickly sought me out and engaged me to re-connect. I was sure I had handled the situation with wisdom - he wasn't going to bite me again! Or so I thought.

I dismissed the incident. He didn't try another test bite and I thought we had easily sailed through this common toddler stage - no harm, no foul. And, then a few days later, we made a quick stop at the supermarket on the way home from the park. As I carried him through the aisles, he tried to pull away from my arms apparently hoping I'd put him down. In my hurry to get home, I told him that our trip was a fast in-and-out. To my complete surprise, he leaned close and bit my neck....wow! Out of the blue! No warning!

My first reaction was to put him down quickly and withdraw a little. So I did. When his feet hit the floor, off he went to the cookie shelves. How clever! Sometimes biting behavior is about retaliation or power. But usually it is about getting a reaction out of us.

Emotional withdrawal is far more likely to discourage a child from biting than creating a lot of emotional whoop-la about it. Without an entertaining reaction the kid gets no pay-off. However, my brilliant nephew anticipated MY response to his biting and he used it masterfully to get to the cookies.

Epilogue: My nephew never bit me again. He was a smart kid and he knew me well enough to know that I'd never give him a big show. And he knew me well enough to know that I'd always withdraw (which he didn't want me to do). However, he also was clever enough to use his "misbehavior" to get what he wanted.

This example is demonstrates the brilliance of our kids. They are excellent opportunists. They do what works for them. It's our job to know them, their needs and their motives well enough to stay two-steps ahead of them.

Debunking the Age Myth - She is 10 Years Old, She Should Know How to Clean Her Room!

2007-04-25T05:14:00.001-07:00

Myth: Parents usually give a child's age as evidence that they should have a particular skill. They may say, "She's 15, she should be able to clean her room without being reminded," or "He's 5, he should be able to dress himself by now."

Fact: A child generally only does what they have an interest in doing. Everything else you need to teach him/her how to do it and it does not matter how old s/he is.

Did you, as an adult, know how to use Power Point, Microsoft Word, Spread Sheets or simply use a computer when you decided or were told at work you needed to begin using a particular computer program? My guess is you either took a class or spent time reading, “Computers for Dummies”—no reference to your intelligence is intended.

Do you know how to: Repair a leaking toilet? Play the guitar? Replace the transmission in your car? Redo the electrical wiring in your home? Calculate adjustable rate mortgages? Why not? Aren't you well over 25 years of age? Don’t you know those things by now? Well, of course, you do not know how to do any of those things unless someone taught you or you studied and practiced until you learned it. No one learns tasks or skills by osmosis—especially children.

Children learn how to do various tasks by watching you, but how often do you ask your child to concentrate on watching you do a specific task? Generally, you are doing it in one room and they are playing in another. The only learning that takes place in this scenario is that they learn, whatever it is, it's a job you do.

In order to teach children a skill - any skill - you need to make it interesting and fun to capture their interest. Second you need to do the task with them many, many times, allowing them to help progressively more each time. After a while, they will be able to do the whole task themselves, but only when you are there with them, watching, coaching, and cheering them on. When the lesson is well learned, your child will ask if they can do it alone. You still need to be close by to step in if they have difficulty. If your child needs you, your immediate response is imperative. When they go too long unsupervised, they forget what they are supposed to be doing or they lose interest and begin doing something else. Once you know your child can sustain attention on the task long enough to get it done, then you can require them to do the task without your intervention, offering a positive consequence for completion. When they are reliably doing the task and getting the reward, you can slowly withdraw the reward, making the pay-off less frequent or trade tangible items for more abstract privileges or praise.

You need to go through all those steps before you can actually expect that your child knows how to do the task without your assistance. Then, when they are doing it well, you can hold them accountable, knowing you did your job of teaching them.

Three Words to Live By - I Love You

2007-04-25T05:13:00.003-07:00

In good parenting there are three magic words to live by: I love you. Saying these words over and over again is very important to get you through the hard times and to get your children over the hurdles in life.

Many times parents do not realize the strong influence of these words. Children who grow up never hearing them can end up bitter and may have very difficult relationship problems, including but not limited to an inability to say the words themselves. Even if you know that your children know you love them, continue to remind them, even when your children become teenagers. They may not respond to it or even seem to care that you are saying it, but the words are sticking. Saying “I love you” is only half the battle. You also have to show “I love you.” A kiss, a hug, a small sacrifice or a small favor may be all that it takes to show that you mean these words. It may seem simple, but there are times in life when this will take incredible patience, time and unfaltering dedication and sacrifice to follow through.

Sometimes love means saying no. You feel an obligation to protect your child from harm, and if that means preventing your child from doing some of the things he or she wants to do, then so be it. Life can be dangerous and unpredictable. Saying no is a sign that you will accept your children’s anger in exchange for your comfort that they are safe and for the knowledge that they are likely to be healthier in the long run. Their anger will not last for long but the good that comes from saying no will impact the kind of people they turn out to be.

When your children misbehave, they need to experience consequences, but they also always need to know that you still love them. This does not belittle the impact of the lesson, but rather cements the message that you are not punishing them out of anger, hate or impatience. Though your children may not want to hear it, you are doing it for their own good to teach them the difference between right and wrong. It may feel unrewarding to hear your child’s anger at something you did out of love, but rest easy knowing that one day they will thank you for it, even if it is not until they have children of their own.

Even when your children are doing things you don’t like, respect them and love them. When your daughter wears too much makeup or your son gets his nose pierced, continue to show them that you love who they are, even if you do not always approve of their fashion choices. It is important to be supportive of your children as they try to discover who they are and who they will become. It is not worth arguing over things that hold little significance, because you will need that strength later to fight over real issues that affect your child’s well-being.

There are a lot of disappointments that your children will have to bear throughout their lifetimes; do not let your love be one of them. Letting your children know that you love them could end up being their one ray of hope during the dark times in their lives. No matter what goes wrong or how bad things seem they will always know that they have the love and support of their family to fall back on. Let this love guide them through the best and worst of times.

Spending Time With Your Kids

2007-04-25T05:13:00.001-07:00

You can’t simply find time to be with your children; you have to make time and put it at the top of your priorities list. Balancing time at work and time with family can be challenging, and each is important in its own right; however, it is not the quantity of time you spend with each that matters but the quality.

Whatever you are doing at one particular moment has to be your most important task and deserves all of your attention. Each task will be completed with higher quality without taking a higher quantity of time. Otherwise, you will have to work harder later to make up for those distractions.

If you are at work, spending time thinking about what you are going to make for dinner or what time you have to drive your child to soccer practice is going to distract you from your work. These family activities are important, but they should be settled before or after work so that you can give your work your full attention.

Similarly, don’t be running around to answer the phone or fold laundry when you are spending time with your children. They will notice how distracted you are and none of the usual benefits of family time will be reaped. When you are with your children, give them all of your attention. It is a good idea to occasionally push another responsibility off your schedule just to let them know your priorities stand with them. Your time is precious.

This doesn’t mean that you drop what you are doing the second your child asks you to play. Children have perfected the guilt trip and will use it to suit their wants. However you shouldn’t let your kids down by telling them how important your other responsibilities are because they will feel like they are not as important and will feel the need to compete for your attention.

Instead, set a finite limit to the amount of time you spend with them so they have specific expectations. If your time is limited and your child wants to play a game, decide on a game that is fun for your child but has a relatively quick end. If you can’t play with him or her right at that moment, give your child something fun to do to keep them busy. Letting them help you with housework not only includes them in your activity, but it also saves your time and effort; this way you get your work done and your child gets to spend more time playing with you.

Sometimes children can be impatient and want immediate attention. At those times it is a good idea to let them know that you would love to spend every minute with them and suggest something else for them to do in the meantime. Suggest a board game that takes a while to set up so that by the time you are finished with your task they can have the game all ready to play. This way they don’t really feel like they were waiting for you; they feel like it was part of the game.

Many parents, especially working mothers, feel guilty about being away from their kids, but balancing family life and a career is not selfish. A good career makes you happy and can therefore make your family happy. Even when you do find that balance, your children will find ways to push your buttons—it is just what they do. What is important is to keep your priorities straight. Before you know it you children will no longer be children, so you should get the most you possibly can out of your time with them.

Solomon Brenner has been teaching martial arts to children and adults for ten years, and holds a 6th degree black belt in Kenpo Karate. During that time he has held countless seminars on subjects such as self-esteem in children and teens, behavior and discipline, praise vs. punishment, career motivation, goal setting, parenting, and self defense. He has spoken to elementary schools, women's groups, scouting organizations, civic associations and corporate seminars. Using these experiences, he has recently authored Black Belt Parenting, a motivational how-to book for parents.

Playground and Backyard Fun

2007-04-25T05:12:00.002-07:00

While I was out walking earlier today; I could not help but to rush back home into my house to share this article with you. It comes from me observing my surroundings watching and listening to little boys and girls play outdoors. After circling around the sidewalk and hearing and watching their method of fun it’s “heart-breaking” to see them unattended and not looked upon at all. I spent thirty minutes outdoors and not one time did I see or hear any adult or someone responsible for the kids’ well-being.

I know it’s sometimes necessary to find a time to relax and take off the hat of parenting; but also we still have to be aware of what our children are doing when they go outside and play. You want to make sure your children are having fun, but at the same time you want them to be in an environment that’s safe and beneficial for their well-being. You want to make sure you are in eye distance being able to see where your children are at all- times, this is good parenting. I’m all for children having fun and playing; but by the same token I also believe there should also be a certain amount of restrictions and rules that will be beneficial for your child.

You may even want to set a certain time period for your child to check in from time to time so you will know their whereabouts. Any good parent knows where their child is at, at all times. If your child decided to go over to your next door neighbor you as a parent should know this. We hear far too many abductions, kidnappings, and children being taken away mysteriously and I do not want that to happen to any parent, but unfortunately it does happen across the land. This is all the more reason why we as parents should be aware of our children’s surroundings.

It’s our responsibility as parents to set the ground rules while children are out playing. Most kid’s think everything is fun; and don’t really pay attention to what they are doing outside from time to time. As parents we should have dos and don’ts to prevent unexpected expenses that could come from not being aware of what our child or children are doing. To help keep your children safe you should make sure they do not play around dumpsters, thoroughfare traffic, or anything else that could be detrimental to their welfare.

While your child or children are outside having fun whether they’re using the trampoline, swimming, etc make sure you have adequate supervision or make sure you check on them regularly. I’m all for being away from my child occasionally when I’m not in her presence, but if she’s in walking distance or eye distance then I’m keeping watch over her making sure she’s well mannered and safe at all cost.

5 Simple Steps to Helping Children Handle Anger

2007-04-25T05:12:00.001-07:00

Children can feel and express anger at a very young age. As they grow older, their understanding towards people and things around them starts to advance. Therefore, their way of expressing anger will also change, eventually.

As they grow up, situations that will cause them to become angry will increase. By now, they tend to understand more about their surroundings and have been in a lot of situations that would probably make them angry. All of these are part of their developmental process.

The family plays a very important role in the emotional growth of the child, which has a direct influence on how they feel and the way they express their anger. Research shows that most children tend to imitate the behavior of their parents, whether directly or indirectly.

So please, do not do things that you would not want your children to follow, in front of them. The surrounding at home is also very important as it plays a key role in the emotional development of the children. By helping children handle anger, you will have a positive impact not only on the child, but on the entire family as well.

I will share with you 5 very simple, yet proven to be effective ways that you can handle your children when they are dealing with anger. They are also found at Child Anger Management - Helping Young Children with Anger, Effectively.

1. As a responsible parent, try to change the environment at home to prevent experiences or situations that will lead to unnecessary stress, anger or frustration between you and your children.

2. Do not take their anger personally. This will have a direct influence on them. The angrier you are, the more anger they might have inside them too. Take a break before everything gets out of hand.

3. Try to direct their attention away from the current situation. Try to distract them from the situation, and get a break to cool things off before it gets worse.

4. It is very important that we as parents do not give in when our children are having their tantrums. If we do, they will think that by acting in that way, they can get what they want from us.

5. Do not lecture your children when they are extremely angry, or for no particular reasons. It will only make things worse. Keep it for another day. Try to have a slow conversation with them to cool them down.

Bottom line, do what it takes to calm them down. Then you can help them try to understand WHY they made the choices they did and actually LEARN from the experience.

I hope these few tips help. You can regain control of your home and family life, but it will require education and effort on your part. Helping children handle anger may not be “easy”, but I promise you it is worth it.

The Short List: Some Thoughts on Time

2007-04-23T04:18:00.001-07:00

Is there a subject more charged than that of time, especially among parents? It is the source of many of our conversations ("How are you?" "Busy!") and much of our guilt.

Time is also a subject that has been too much on my mind lately, leaving me feeling a little short of breath without knowing exactly why.

Maybe it is because, of late, we have known way too many people coping with untimely, tragic deaths. Anytime someone younger than you dies unexpectedly, it tends to make you squint at your life and your choices and to wonder whether you are going to be granted much more time to continue making them.

Maybe it is because my middle child started Kindergarten and my baby boy is turning 4, and it is finally dawning on me that the phrase I have heard endlessly for the last seven or so years, something about "enjoy this time because it goes so fast," may, in fact, be sound advice. When my kids were younger, I would smile politely to all the well wishers who said this to me while thinking they did not really know what they were talking about. Some of those days playing Tea Party and Polly Pockets did not exactly whiz past. I am starting to see that the days at home can stretch long, but the years rush right by. Now it is just me and my youngest together all day and I find myself holding on to each moment with both hands.

I find it easier now to nestle into the time spent with my son. Even apart from him, I find myself spending more time doing things I enjoy and less time trying to convince myself that I enjoy something that I really do not enjoy much at all. There is nothing like having a child to make you realize that your life is very important and very short.

Maybe the key to all this time management talk is to have a really short list of things that are important to you; things that bring you ultimate pleasure. And when you get too busy to engage fully in those things, maybe it is just a cue to back off and shorten the list some more.

When my list gets too long, my kids fall apart. There is one thing I have discovered I need to do as a parent, at least to my three kids at their present ages and stages. It is this: Avoid rushing, absolutely as much as possible. It takes planning ahead, but not a lot. Just adding three minutes to the process of getting in and out of the car can make all the difference in the experience, and it has improved my relationship with my children in a big way. My kids are simply no good at hurrying. My oldest daughter gets panicky; my younger daughter slows down even more, no doubt for the attention it inevitably grants her; and for my youngest, it just squashes all his fun. He quietly hurries along but not without flashing me a look that says "You are a party pooper."

After some reflection, I realize he is right: Rushing makes me the ultimate party pooper. I suppose I am no good at it either. I want to teach my kids about the proper use of time: I want my kids to let something inside them determine their pace. I want them to know the joy of focus and of making conscious choices about how, where, and why they are spending their time. I want them to know the joy inherent in each moment and how to hold it there and savor it without squashing it by rushing through it. I want them to have short lists, with each item carefully and consciously chosen.

That is what is so appealing (and sometimes misunderstood) about this notion of the Simple Life. It is not that you shun things that are nice. It is that you are not a slave to anyone or anything or any series of payments. It is that you have the time to sit long on the sofa and talk to your kids, and pet your dog, and check in on your in laws, if that is what you wish to do, and to create whatever you wish to create.

At the end of the day, I want my girls to remember a mama who dressed in cozy sweaters, and always had time for a long cup of hot chocolate and to talk in depth about anything at all. Who had the time to write and think and share and to just be. And I do not have to rush anywhere to do that.

Each of us has the time to do all the things that are important to us, as long as each of those things truly deserves a place on your short list. And the only person who has any sort of say about the items on that list is you.

Timeless Childhood Toys Series: Wooden Toys

2007-04-23T04:17:00.003-07:00

Parents play an incredible role in shaping the experiences of their children by the choices of toys they provide their children. Almost every adult has a favorite toy that they recall fondly from childhood that helped to define his or her sense of self. Some toys still bring back colorful and inspiring memories while others are only vague memories. Wooden toys have an innate characteristic of permanence and an organic connection that can't be matched by plastics. Below you'll find are some of the most time honored wooden toys as told by both adults and children.

Wooden Doll Houses and Castle Toys:
Imaginative play is incredibly important to a child's developing mind. The most timeless toys are those that give children a wealth of opportunities to use their imaginations. Sturdy wooden doll houses and castle toys give children to express themselves through miniature characters. Wooden doll houses and castle toys rich with detail evoke a sense of wonder and ignite the imitation as children explore every nook and detail. The gorgeous hues, artistic quality, and attention to detail in Papo's castle toys and wooden doll houses are favorites among kids and provide a launching point for imaginative ideas and concepts sure to last a lifetime.

Puppet Theaters:
Puppet theaters allow children to truly explore their creative selves when they are the center of the action inside of a fun and colorful puppet theater. Children are natural creative story tellers. Puppet theaters give importance to their stories and lay the groundwork for a lifetime of self esteem. The bold, imaginative colors and patterns of the wooden puppet theater and playhouse by Alex call out to the creative spirit of a child and inspire imaginative play.

Play Kitchens:
Young children look to the actions of their parents to understand their role in the world. They yearn to live out what they see by trying things themselves in a miniature sized environment where they can safely learn by trial and error. Play kitchens are a wonderful way for children to reinact the actions of their adult role models. Play kitchens empower children and give them a sense of ownership and pride comparable to the pride adults feel in their homes. Play kitchens spark the imagination and promote feelings responsibility and importance.

In a world where so many things seem to be made to be disposable, the permanence of a well crafted wooden toy enforces the values of stability and pride. Thoughtful toys such as wooden doll houses, castle toys, puppet theaters, and play kitchens are sure to stand the test of time and become the foundation for a lifetime of happy memories.

Qualities Needed to Meet the Needs of a Growing Child

2007-04-23T04:17:00.001-07:00

Qualities needed for raising children are quite different from qualities needed on the job. Many times parents have difficulty adjusting to the role of parents and try to run the family as they would a corporation. This can stifle the child's desire to achieve and drive them from the parent. Some of the keys for cultivating growth in you children are listed below.

A tolerance for repeated errors. Children are learning everything there is to know about life. A toddler, as they learn to walk, falls down a lot. In elementary school no child completes a year of arithmetic without errors. Teens make many mistakes in the complex arena of personal relationships. It is through these errors that they learn.

Stability. Knowing that home is a safe, nurturing environment where they can come and be loved just as they are is vital to the emotional health of children. Strive to make your home as stable and safe as possible.

Plenty of time for family activities. Doing things together as a family creates a sense of unity and solidarity among family members. Many parents are so caught up in the need to make more money, or even in their own interests and hobbies that there is no time left for family activities.

Patience. Even the best behaved child can try a parent's patience at times, and some children try a parent's patience almost constantly. Cultivating patience, while avoiding being overly permissive, is essential to a good relationship with a child.

Emphasis on process, surprises, and changes as the child matures. Fast growing children can constantly surprise and delight us with new knowledge, new achievements and different ideas. Being open to change and delighted by it, rather than bemoaning it and wishing for a previous time when"he was so sweet" will make the child feel valued.

A total commitment to others. There is no greater commitment to others than becoming a parent. The child will consume your life until they are out of your home, and a strong commitment will follow them even then. And you will be stronger for it.

A softness and willingness to bend. While the commitment you make to your child will require a strength you may not know you have, your love of them requires a softness that may be out of character. As they grow and reach the age where they begin to reason with you, even if there are many errors in their reasoning at first, you must listen with an open heart and be willing to change your stance when they have a good argument.

A tolerance for chaos. There will be times when even the most well ordered house full of children appears to be in total chaos. In the midst of the constant process of change that is growing up you cannot expect to be able to maintain order at all times. There will be times of either physical or emotional chaos that will pull the whole family in. Be aware that these are opportunities for a new way of doing or looking at things.

An understanding that failure promotes growth. If everything were perfect all the time there would be no stimulus for change and growth. Since you do not want to change the child's diaper for the rest of its life you are pleased that the child eventually realizes that a wet, messy diaper is uncomfortable. Avoid the impulse to smooth the way for a young child so that they never experience failure. Someday they will have to face the real world and you want them to learn from little, manageable failures so that they can be prepared to face the world as an adult.

A desire to promote independence in others even if their ways are not your ways. Your children will, most likely, not follow in your footsteps. Give them the opportunity to cultivate their interests, even if they are not your interests. They will have different talents than you , and if you do not give them the opportunity to develop their talents they will be stuck in a place that does not make them comfortable.

A relaxed acceptance of embarrassment. From the time they are born children will have the capacity to embarrass you. This will be exaggerated when they approach their teen years. While it is an accepted fact that teens are embarrassed by their parents, it is talked about less that teens will embarrass their parents. It is all part of growing up.

Gentleness. Infants need to be treated with exceeding gentleness physically. As children grow they will need extreme gentleness emotionally. This does not mean never confronting them over their behavior. It does mean confronting them with compassion.

A true respect for your child's activities free from comparison with your own. If you are a father who excelled in football and you have a daughter who is a high school cheerleader this is easy to do. But what if you were the star quarterback and you have a son who is a barely functional guard on the C team but enjoys it. Or what if your son prefers ballet? Look for the good things about your child's activities and respect the amount of work they put into being good at what they want to be good at.

Ability to listen patiently while the child talks. If you listen to the prattle of a preschooler, or the winding description of a movie by a six year old you will keep them talking to you. Then, if you are there and still listening without judgement, you will hear the really important things from your 14 or 16 year old. If you don't listen when they are young you will lose them and it will be really difficult to get them back when they are in their teens and beyond.

Ability to put another's needs ahead of your own. This starts even before birth. An infant will not survive if a parent does not put their own needs ahead of the infants. It continues. Many teenagers would not survive without their parents putting the teen's needs ahead of their own.

While no one can be a perfect parent, cultivating these qualities in yourself will assure that you will be a good parent. A good parent is all that you need to be.

How To Do A Proper Background Check On A Nanny

2007-04-23T04:16:00.002-07:00

When you hire a nanny you need to make sure that she is the best person for the job. You do not, after all, just want to leave your kids with just anyone. The person should be responsible, likes kids, be able to have fun, and still know when it is time to be serious.

A Few Pieces of Advice

One of the most important things you do before you hire a nanny is make sure you get at least three references. Make sure you contact all of these references and ask them specific questions about her performance. Ask them if they would hire her again, if they liked how she handled the children, why she left, and any other little bits of information that you can think of. If you can not get a hold of the three references ask for some more references until you talk to three people.

Have the nanny fill out an application just like she would have to at any other place of employment. Make sure you get all of the vital information like her birth date, social security number, and other names she may have gone by in the past. Get her college school name and any other schooling she may have had in the past. Ask her to list her last five employers. Make sure that these employers are not from the three references. Also get in contact with these people to see how well she performed at her job there. Get the phone number, address, and name of the previous employer.

If you decide to do a background check on her you need to let her know and have her sign a piece of paper authorizing you to do a background check on her. Make sure that you see if she is hesitant to sign the paper. If she is then she might be hiding something from her past. Can you really trust a person who may be hiding something from a person she will be working for? If you do not feel comfortable trusting her around your kids then do not hire her.

Check the information that she gave you to her previous places of employment. Make sure that the information matches up correctly. Call the relative and make sure that she is really related to them. If she is not related to them then she is obviously lying to you, and if she feels comfortable lying to you now she will keep on doing and just get more comfortable lying to you in the future.

If you find that all of the information checks out with the person but you are still a little leery of hiring her then do not hire her. You need to hire a person that you can trust which your children. Also before you hire the nanny make sure the children are comfortable around her. There is nothing worse than hiring a nanny who if perfect but the children do not like her. If the children do not like her than they are not going to listen to her very well. So make sure that the children like her that way you will get respect from both the nanny and your children.

Why Play And Exercise Is Vitally Important For Your Children

2007-04-23T04:16:00.001-07:00

Take any child who has been actively playing for an hour or two and you will see the true meaning of exhaustion. Playing is a form of exercise. Typical play involves running around, climbing on things, riding a bike, stomping in mud puddles, or chasing a pet. Yet, how many children who do spend an hour or two actively playing are pictures of health, both mentally and physically.

As with any adult, children need their exercise. Exercise helps keep a child fit. He or she will find they can sleep more easily, awaken feeling refreshed, score better on quizzes, and feel filled with energy. Play time as a child helps instill the foundations for a lifetime of healthy choices. A fit child is one who spends a good portion of his or her day actively doing something that involves movement. Not only does that exercise create a healthy body and a healthy mind, but it also teaches a child how to interact with both him or herself and others.

By playing together, children learn how to read another child's body language. They learn how to handle disagreements, resolve issues, and interact politely. These are all lessons that will last a lifetime. School settings are excellent for learning to play together, but some teachers interfere when a troublesome issue occurs. It is best to let children attempt to resolve these issues by themselves before adults interfere.

Organized sports are perhaps the most popular form of play in a child's life. Soccer, baseball, and flag football all help a child to stay in shape while also teaching important lessons from sharing to resolving anger to teamwork. All of these qualities will help shape a child into a polite, respectable adult. Another sport that is very popular with kids and adults alike is tennis. It is a sport that can be played from a very young age without being overly succeptible to injuries.

While it is tempting for an adult to set limits for a child, it is often best to let the child decide when enough is enough. If allowed to choose his or her capabilities from a young age, a child will often learn to set manageable limits. These choices last well into adulthood. The dangers of pushing him or her too hard are virtually eliminated.

In today's world, it is tempting to force a child to get chores done, finish homework, and clean his or her bedroom. School days are becoming longer and homework and chores are keeping children from having any time for play. This needs to stop!

Doctors and scientists are now finding that keeping a child from playtime is actually causing troublesome issues. They feel this may be part of the reason for the drastic rise in ADHD. Children need time to burn off their energy in free play with minimal interference from an adult.

Allow your child to play as desired. Also, within reason, allow your child to set his or her own limits. By allowing a child the freedom to choose, you are helping that child learn valuable skills that will last a lifetime.

The Secret Language Pedophiles Use To Chat With Your Kids

2007-04-20T03:11:00.003-07:00

In World War II, the Navajo code talkers played a pivotal role in the outcome of the war. You could be standing right next to a Navajo code talker… hear every word… yet not understand the meaning at all.

The way your kids chat on the internet is very much like the Navajo code talkers. They even have their very own language, called 133t speak.

What does this mean for you as a parent? Well, it’s a scary thought but your child could actually be chatting with internet predators right under your nose. Even if you’re watching every single word that your child types, there’s a good chance that you won’t understand the true meaning of what your child is saying.

Sound far fetched?

See if you can translate the following instant message conversation:

Yowser44: I want you NIFOC
Bluebaby15: Can’t, CODE 9
Yowser44: Later than?
Bluebaby15: I’ll GNOC later.

Do you know what just happened there?

Yowser44 just asked to see blue baby 19 “Naked In Front Of Computer”.

Bluebaby replied that she couldn’t because “CODE 9” (parents are around)

But bluebaby replies that she will “GNOC” later. What does that mean? It means she just promised to “Get Naked On Computer” later.

In essence, Bluebaby19 just agreed to pose nude on her webcam for Yowser44.

Now, if Bluebaby was your child… there’s a very good chance you’d never know this was going on. Even if you did everything right… even if you kept the computer in a public place. Even if you stood over her shoulders as she typed… you’d still have no idea what was going on.

And it’s not your fault. Most parents can’t be expected to learn a second language. Teens change their acronyms almost daily.

Here are 3 things you can do to “break the code”.

1) Keep the lines of communication open. Make it clear to your child that anyone asking for their picture or video is NOT their friend and is going to try and hurt them.
2) Always be 100% aware of what your kids are doing online. Know what they’re chatting about, know what they’re emailing about and know what web sites they’re visiting.
3) Consider signing up with a monitoring service that not only shows what your kids are doing online but also translates “teen chat” so you’re not locked out.

Follow these three steps and you’re one step closer to becoming a fully aware parent.

Top Five Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids

2007-04-20T03:11:00.001-07:00

Do you hit your children? Priyanka offers 5 reasons you should refrain from corporal punishment.

1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.

2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.

4. "Spare the rod and spoil the child". While the "rod" is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon's Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.

5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.

Parenting Paradox - We Love Our Kids - But They Drive Us Crazy

2007-04-20T03:10:00.003-07:00

Almost every parent has had this complaint at some time or other. What is it about parenting that combines these conflicting emotions?

Parents have many reasons why they decided to have children. Most have a dream about how it will be to become a family. The vision might be accurate including a realistic understanding and expectation that family life will require effort and an investment of energy and time. AND on the flip-side we expect a mutual sense of love that will make it all worth while.

Everyone hopes their child will be kindly, obedient, smart, courageous and (yes!) entertaining. We expect that we will enjoy our children and find our family experience rewarding. But what if we don't? What then?

SUGGESTION #1: Change your perception - about "love" and where the "crazy" comes from.

You might have noticed, not all kids are lovable ALL the time. If our challenge as parents is to love our children whether they are lovable or not, what should we do when we don't feel the love? How should we relate with our children when they are unlovable? Is it possible that the conflict between love 'em (no matter what) and their unlovable behavior is so huge that our frustration is what drives us crazy?

No parent caught off-guard yelling at his child will proudly defend the screaming. No Mom who slaps her child's behind feels confident that spanking is an effective teaching tool. No Dad who punishes his child with a scowl or sarcasm can truly be certain that the child's behavior will not be repeated. Parents who employ these attempts to halt misbehavior are using the last tool they know of - and their desperation shows. They want to do a good job of parenting their children, but they don't know what else to do! Talk about Frustration!

When "love" is defined as wanting the best for our children, having the optimism that they can modify their misbehavior (which we assume is a mistaken attempt at solving their problem or getting a need met), we can muster up sympathy, empathy for their discouragement and re-awaken a sense of appreciation for them as struggling immature human beings.

SUGGESTION #2: Create a new (and accurate) vision of your child's gifts and challenges.

All children are born essentially incompetent. They are totally dependent upon us to read their signals of distress or need. Early in their infancy they (brilliantly!) begin developing behaviors to press us to attend to their needs. Signs of hunger and discomfort are usually pretty easy to notice, prompting us to act to solve the physical problem. More subtle are the cues that a child requires emotional attention - but his or her attention-demanding behavior indicates that attention is a necessity for that child (otherwise, he/she wouldn't bother)

Misbehavior is ALWAYS an attempt to get a need met, whether the need is to get noticed, to get fed or simply to banish boredom (which can be pretty uncomfortable for a kid). Parents have an option in how to perceive their child's "misbehavior". We could assume the kid enjoys getting us riled - OR we could assume the child has a need that we've merely overlooked or misunderstood.

SUGGESTION #3: Get a Plan. Some parents are kept busy trying to forcibly correct their children's misbehavior, often harboring resentment or frustration at the task. The wise parent recognizes the true motivation behind the misbehavior and makes plans to meet those misbehaviors effectively when and where they erupt. The simplest (and most efficient) method of discovering your child's motives and to re-direct misbehavior is to observe behavior objectively, notice how you feel and acknowledge truthfully what you would typically do in response - then DON'T DO IT!

Two outcomes can be expected by your observation and inaction: #1 You will be able to imagine your child as a creative (albeit sometimes annoying!) problem-solver. You can choose to see his/her earnest (but immature) intention to get his/her needs met. You might even begin to appreciate his or her courage and persistence. Might this look a little like true admiration? - love, even? And #2: In your moment of intentional hesitation, you might begin to feel less frustrated and a little more powerful; you might even feel an inkling of control in the interchange between you and your child. When your child and you create a cooperative partnership in getting his or her needs met, the tension of conflict and powerlessness are likely to lessen - for both of you. A sense of love increases, and the crazy subsides.

Easy Guidelines For Naming Baby

2007-04-20T03:10:00.001-07:00

The name you give to your baby will undoubtedly stick with him or her for the rest of their life. Therefore, the decision is not something to be taken lightly. On the other hand, naming your child should be a pleasant and enjoyable experience. Fortunately, there are a few guidelines you can follow that will make the process easier. Keeping these things in mind will insure that the name you pick for your new baby is as wonderful as she is!

Harmony:

· The name you choose should sound balanced with your last name. The full name should have a pleasant rhythm and be melodious. Generally speaking, first and last names that have unequal numbers of syllables sound the best together.

· Longer surnames tend to suit shorter given names and visa versa. For example, a short last name such as “Jones” goes well with a longer first name such as “Alexandria”. On the other hand, a longer, more elaborate last name goes perfectly with a short and simple first name. “Anne Litchensteinson” rolls off the tongue easier than “Anastasia Litchensteinson”!

· First names that end in vowels don’t generally sound good with last names that also start or end with a vowel. For example, Amanda Alda has too many “a” sounds and is just plain hard to say!

· First and last names that rhyme are not a good idea. Jason Mason not only sounds strange, but it can be a source of all kinds of playground jokes.

Significance:

· The name you pick should have a special meaning or significance for you. It should convey positive feelings and bring pleasing thoughts to your mind.

· Consider names that are important to you because they are from family members, other world figures you love or respect, or from your ethnic background and heritage.

· Many names can be particularly suited to your child, and because of this they have extra meaning to you and to your child later in life. For example, “Noel”, for a child born on Christmas day.

· Don’t forget that your child’s middle name also lends itself to being something very special and meaningful for you. Many people use this name instead of the given name to carry on family traditions or attach a significant meaning to their baby’s name.

Ancestry and Heritage:

· A name choice can reflect your heritage and culture, and therefore be even more meaningful to you. If your ancestry is of a specific ethnicity, consider a name from that country.

· You may follow a religion that makes certain names particularly appealing. Those of the Roman Catholic faith often pick Saints’ names. Jewish parents often choose names from the Old Testament. Many Protestants name their children from both the Old and New Testament.

Individuality:

· One of the most difficult decisions for a parent to make is whether they want a very unique name for their child, or one that is more “popular”, and as such, more common. Making this decision first will help you limit the many name choices that are out there.

· Consider that with a very trendy or popular name, your child is likely to have several other children with the same name in their class at school. Remember the Kathy 1, Kathy 2, Kathy 3, and Kathy 4 that might have been in your classroom? (Or was it Jessica G., Jessica S., Jessica P., and Jessica M.?) This can leave your child struggling for individuality, but at least their name will be well accepted by the group.

· Very unique names can make your child feel distinctive. However, if it’s too unique and sounds very odd to their classmates, they might be in for some teasing because of it. Be careful about being too creative.

· Also be careful of pronunciations and spelling. If the name you choose is very difficult to spell, your child will constantly need to correct people and this can become tiring after a while. On the other hand, slight variations in spelling can be a good way of making a common name more unique, and making your child feel special.

· Inventing a name can be fun and insure that your child has a very distinctive name. However, be aware that they may become embarrassed or grow tired of explaining their name to others time and again.

Appropriateness:

· Make sure that the name you pick will be appropriate for your child during all the stages of their life. Think about them using that name on their first day of school, at the time of their first interview, while saying their wedding vows, or accepting retirement gifts, etc…

· If you choose a very trendy name, try to determine if that name will stand the test of time. Or, will your child be saddled with a name that was popular at one time but seems very dated by the time they’re 45! Remember Bambi?

· Consider that same gender names can be difficult for a child because they must continually explain their gender. This is usually more difficult for boys who have a name that could cause them to be mistaken for a girl.

· It’s important to think carefully before giving a child a name the carries a lot of positive or negative connotations. This may prove too difficult for them to live up to or to live down! For example: Tiger or Adolph.

· Juniors can also have a lot to live up to and it can be difficult having 2 people with the same name in one household. Consider if naming your baby the same given name as another family member is appropriate.

Nicknames and Initials:

· When you’ve finally chosen a name for your baby, make sure that the combination of initials of their complete name doesn’t create something that is potentially embarrassing. For example, “Amanda Sara Stevens” can have some pretty rotten consequences. However, you can get some satisfaction out of the fact that experts feel that teasing based on names and nicknames is less common these days. (Our children seem to be getting more sophisticated in their choice of things to tease about!)

· Also consider any nicknames that your child is likely to get from the name you give them. Do you like the possibilities? You may be determined that your “Jonathon” will remain a “Jonathon”, however you can’t avoid the fact that some of his friends, or even himself, might prefer Jon or Jonny some day.

· If you prefer the sound of a nickname, think about registering your child’s name as the full and formal version anyways. This gives your child a chance to use that name in the future. For instance, you may want to call your baby “Kate”, but if you register her name as “Katherine” she will have options later in life.

Above all—enjoy choosing your baby’s name. And if it doesn’t follow some of these rules, don’t worry. The only really important rule for this process is that you and your partner both love the name you’ve picked!

Hey Baby - What's in a Name?

2007-04-20T03:09:00.000-07:00

Can the name you give your baby effect who they will become? Throughout time there has been a belief that a person’s name can actually influence their development and ultimate personality. It certainly appears that the Romans believed this when you consider the Roman saying, “Nomen est omen”, which means “Names are destiny”.

With this in mind, it doesn’t seem unusual that today’s parents spend so much time and energy deciding what to call their baby. But, is there any scientific backing for these beliefs? Well, the simple answer seems to be that there is no simple answer!

Some studies have indicated that children with less desirable names may have lower self-esteem and get poorer grades than those with more popular names. Other studies have indicated that career success can be based on how well a person’s name matches their vocation. For example an “Anastasia” would make a better ballerina than a “Bertha”. And a “Hank” would be a better mechanic than a “Percy”.

This being said, there seems to be as much research that states that a name is unlikely to be a significant factor in most children’s development. And there are myriads of examples of adults with unusual names who have been incredibly successful—how about Tiger and Elvis for example? Children with unusual names often rise to the occasion and revel in their uniqueness.

So why do we think that the name we give our child is so important? Perhaps it’s because a name often effects the first impression that someone has of a person. Names can instantly transmit a feeling or image to people, and they can create a preconceived notion of who we are to others. Perhaps parents are trying to hedge their children’s bets by giving them names that create a good first impression.

Another possible reason that parents work so hard at picking a names is that they are trying to implant a desired quality in their children, like Hope, Chastity, or Harmony. Parents are trying, through the naming process, to look into the future and determine names that will suit their children’s personality, or the personality the parent would like them to have.

We will probably never know exactly to what extent a name affects the developmental process of a child. Scientists have all agreed that this is impossible to study properly using scientific procedure. However, it seems reasonable to assume that your baby will have the name you choose for him or her for a lifetime. And there doesn’t seem to be any doubt that a name can help to support self-esteem and it is something that you want your child to take pride in.

All in all, picking the “perfect name” for your baby can seem like a daunting challenge and a huge responsibility. However, the most important thing to remember is that helping your baby grow up with confidence and a good self image will get them through life successfully-- no matter what their name is. And the greatest truth about names is probably found in the saying, “A name does not make the person; but rather, the person makes the name.”

How To Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

2007-04-18T05:53:00.001-07:00

If there is a living hell for a child, it is sexual abuse. Most of the children are very ignorant about sex and their own body. For them there is nothing like private parts. As they grow up they begin understanding. But many children are abused before they come to understand anything about sex. To abuse a child sexually is a heinous crime. You never know when the child may be abused sexually unless you know where your child is and with who? It is very important to know about the whereabouts of the child and the people with them.

I do not want to go into the details of what a child feels after sexual abuse. It will suffice to say that the child may develop life long sexual and mental problems. The child may carry the weight of unknown pain for all the life. To make sure that your child is not sexually abused always look for some factors. if anybody shows undue interest in your child, be careful. Do not ignore even the most near and dear ones. If someone tries to take care of your child without your request or shows any eagerness, be vigilant. Always keep this question in your mind- why this person has so much interest for my child. All the people are not abusers, but it will certainly be safe if you are vigilant.

Look for signs in your child if anytime you suspect something. Many children do not report sexual abuse even to their parents. If the child begins showing unusual behavior such as change in appetite, bed wetting, difficulty in sleeping, afraid, or any such sign that you see should make you ask your child about why? Please teach your children about their private parts and tell them that if anybody tries to touch them there, they should immediately tell you about that. As a parent your child needs your protection. A single incident may leave long shadows on your child. Please protect your child.

No Advanced Credit

2007-04-18T05:52:00.004-07:00

We made a contract with our son, Bill, when we bought him a truck. It said he would keep grades at C's and have no more behavior problems. The second week of school, he was suspended for telling the bus driver to shut up and flipping him off. We have the truck for sale. This was stated plainly in contract.

Are we doing the right thing?

RESPONSE:

The deal you made with your son goes something like this:

"We'll give you a truck in exchange for (1) grades no lower than a 'C' and (2) no more behavior problems.”

With unconventional, strong-willed kids, "advanced credit" is the kiss of failure.

For example, son says, "Mom, can I go over to my friend's house to play basketball."

Mom says, "No, not until you get your homework done."

Son says, "I'll do it when I get back ...I promise. I've gotta play basketball."

Mom says, "O.K., but you make sure you're home in one hour and get started on that homework."

Son says, "Alright!" ...and he takes off out the door, fully intending to do his homework when he returns home.

You know the rest of the story. Does the homework get done?

No ...of course not.

Unconventional kids are not into "compromising" or "making deals" with parents -- they simply want to "have it their way." You will NEVER get your son to work for what you want, but you WILL get him to work for what he wants.

You cannot control your son, but you can control the things he enjoys such as telephones, television, toys, games, freedom for activities, junk food, toiletries, favorite cloths, bedroom doors, bedroom furniture, etc. While he may not be willing to work for the things you want, he will usually work for the things he wants. By controlling the things he wants, you can motivate him to change unwanted behaviors.

Here's what I recommend:

I know it was stipulated in the contract, but don't sell the truck!

In dealing with strong-willed, out of control teens, fostering the development of "self-reliance" in your child is key. This is a golden opportunity for your son to EARN that truck and develop some self-reliance. Here's how:

He earns his own money and pays for all or half of the truck -- you decide. He can earn money from doing chores at home, as well as his place of employment (if he's old enough to drive, he's old enough to be working somewhere).

When he reaches the dollar amount that you have agreed to (no contract, simply tell him what the expectation is), he can possess the truck -- and not a minute earlier. If there’s no way he can afford to pay at least half, then trade the truck in for a cheaper vehicle and proceed as described. Remember: No Advanced Credit!

Tip: When a parent gives a child a vehicle, he pretty much has it destroyed in about 6 months. When a child pays for all or half of his vehicle, he washes and waxes the thing every weekend.

Children- How Not To Hurt Them With Verbal Abuse

2007-04-18T05:52:00.003-07:00

I am a man of 54 years now. But despite seeing so many things in my life and experiencing all the emotions, I feel hurt when I am verbally abused. It is not that verbal abuse does not hurt. Some people think that verbal abuse can be easily forgotten and one may go forward. Yes, one goes forward but the scars of the wound inflicted by the verbal abuse go along with many of us. How about a child?

A child can be verbally abused in many ways. Children abusing each other with name calling etc. are common. But worse is verbal abuse by elders. Parents, relatives and teachers form part of this group in a child's life. Many parents have set ideas about how a child should behave. If the child does not behave that away, the parents do not explain them the right way but make fun of them verbally. If such fun is made in presence of others the child's psyche is hurt. The hurt may look very innocent but that makes a child feel insecure about themselves. The children lose faith in their own abilities. They learn wrong methods of behavior. I have seen some parents who verbally abuse their child in presence of the teacher. All the complaints they have about the child are made right in the presence of the teacher. This is a verbal thrashing. Somehow because the child cannot hit back, it is taken as granted by many adults that children can be verbally abused without hurting them. Adults feel good after verbally abusing them and feel that they know how to properly train a child. The facts are contrary. The child feels humiliated.

Whenever we talk to a child, we should put ourselves in their shoes and first think about how that will affect the child. Only after we are sure, we should speak to a child about sensitive issues. Verbally abusing a child is a crime in law, and also a bigger crime in the scheme of God.

Appreciation for Your Child

2007-04-18T05:52:00.001-07:00

I know there are times when our children can really be a pain in the butt. I know they can get on our nerves periodically. I know if it wasn’t for my child then I personally don’t think my life would have become what it has become today. It amazes me when I look back over the last twelve years of my life and see my daughter continuing to grow up. It seems like yesterday when I use to bathe her, feed her, and watching every move she made in the house so she wouldn’t run into any of the furniture. I know twelve years don’t seem like a long time; but if you have been through what I’ve been through over the course of her young life then you’ll understand why I appreciate my daughter.

Through it all though; my daughter has turned out to be a remarkable young lady. It’s funny how the years truly do fly. Now she’s off to school each and every day, catching the school bus, coming and going to her extra-curricular activities and enjoying the time of her life. I have to appreciate all that has happened in my life when it comes to me being a parent and raising my one and only daughter. She’s typical and like any other child, having her own way of thinking and she is the joy of my life. One thing I do is let my child know how much I appreciate her. Give your child their props now. Don’t wait until some sugar daddy comes along and sweet talk her and sweep her off her feet. Let her know now how remarkable she is to you and express your feeling towards your child. If you have a son then treat him the same way with the respect of not letting some sweet sugar momma sweep him off his feet and blow him into an outer-space entrapment.

Regardless of the challenges, pain and disappointment your child can bring into your life, it should help bring out the best in you. You and I made a conscience choice decision when it came to having children. So, it’s our responsibility to raise them to help shape and develop their character and watch them mature into young adults; but by the same token during this process your lifestyle and character should have been improved as you have grown as a parent, meaning if it wasn’t for the changes and attitude adjustments you had to deal with being a parent you never would have become the parent you are today. Are you a responsible parent today?

Regardless if you are a single-parent or are happily married, parenting is a two-fold deal. One good way of making sure you and your child are on one accord and are bonding is by showing how appreciative you are of him or her. This type of parenting will teach both you and your child how to have mutual respect for each other and it will show others in general how to have a good and lasting relationship with their children. Express your feelings to your child or children and let them know how much you appreciate them.

Your child or children are an asset to you and not a liability. Look, Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of your womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3. If you are struggling with your parental rights and responsibilities sign-up to receive tips on life in general and I can help you with your parenting concerns.

The Right Way to Parent

2007-04-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever questioned your parenting? Have you read a parenting book and then said: “I’m doing it all wrong! Oh no! I’m probably ruining my child for life!” In the eighteen years I’ve worked with parents I’ve concluded there are many “right” ways. What’s right for me isn’t necessarily right for you and what’s right for your neighbor may not be aligned with your values at all. The truth is, there are lot of “right” ways.

My guess is that the majority of you reading this aim to live in a home that is peaceful and harmonious. You want everyone to get along, act responsibly, enjoy each other’s company and be honest and loyal towards each other. You want love and respect too, I’m sure. If you’ve accomplished all of that, then whatever you’re doing is right. Ten different families who have all achieved harmony might parent in five different ways but whatever they’re doing is working because the end result is positive.

If, on the other hand your home is chaotic, tense and hostile, something isn’t working. It’s a sure signal that something has to change if you want to create harmony and peace. What has to change? It could be that the parents need to re-evaluate their relationship and work towards greater unity. It may be that your job is unsatisfying and you need to re-assess if you’re really in the right place. If we’re unsatisfied at work, we often take out our frustrations on our family. Maybe it’s that the kids are over-scheduled and there isn’t enough time to breathe and just enjoy hanging out. Maybe it’s that you’re focusing too much on what you don’t like and producing more of the same, rather than being grateful for what you have. Maybe you’re a stay-at-home mom and you long to go back to work but feel guilty even thinking about it. If we’re feeling resentment around being home we transfer that feeling onto our families. Maybe you have a tense relationship with one of your parents and take out your feelings on your kids.

Do you live in a household where you feel used and taken advantage of? If you do, you’re likely to carry resentment around and lash out. Do you know that people only take advantage of us if we let them? Did you know that our kids will test their limits all the time if we haven’t made it clear what they are? Did you know that people won’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself?

I’ve learned through the years that there simply isn’t a one-size-fits all solution to parenting. We’re all different. What one family needs to do to create harmony may be completely different from what another family needs to do. Many families have learned all the “right” discipline tools but something still isn’t working. There is still tension and animosity. I’ve learned that we always have to look at the big picture and sometimes the solution is very simple. Positive results may not happen overnight but once we’ve discovered what the core issues are things start to turn around.

Found In Translation

2007-04-16T03:36:00.001-07:00

I finally got my hands on a bootleg copy of the Parent-to-Toddler Dictionary (never mind the particulars; I don't want to drag anyone else into the anarchy of the Secret Toddler Underground) and let me just say... I've been blind, and now I see!

Who knew that to a toddler, "Use your fork, please." means "Dip a green bean in your milk and stuff it up your nose"? This changes everything!

I'll be a much better mom knowing that "It's time to put your tea set away." means "Hurl yourself against the glass-front fireplace. Twice."

"I have to let go of your hand to unlock the car, so I need you to stand right here while I do that. DO NOT MOVE." means "Run, Child! Run like the wind!"

"Where's your bib?" means "Would you be so kind as to rummage through the kitchen drawers until you find a rusty antique pickle fork, and then comb your eyebrows with it?"

"Yucky! Don't put that in your mouth." means "Cram it into mine while I'm talking." (variation - "Honey, don't rip pages out of your book." means "Rip pages out of mine instead.")

"This part of mass is called the Homily." means “Mama has a scrambled egg in her pocket. Don't be fooled by her whispered denials. Just keep shouting "egg now!" until she gives it to you."

Now I'm ready to face the day. (Wait! I'd better look that up. Yep, here it is: "Call Mama to your crib, wrap your little arms tightly around her neck, and vomit."

Shocks of Divorce and Family Separation

2007-04-16T03:35:00.001-07:00

While divorce is such a delicate subject dealing with the issue of divorce and separation can be devastating to all parties involved. If you do not have children then that will help lighten the load of your domestic disputes, but if you do have children it makes the matter more complicated to experience and deal with. I do not condone it, but sometimes and unfortunately it’s necessary due to the current domestic laws that protect our legal rights. The bible is very clear on the subject of divorce and Jesus gave an excellent reason why people do not stay married. He simply stated it's because of the hardness of our hearts. This is the real reason why people get divorced. We choose not to submit to God's will and we also have problems with forgiving people who have hurt us. Divorce is a messy thing and I do not wish it on anyone.

I’ve been through two of them myself and know from first hand experience there’s a process of healing you have to go through before you can move on with your life. Let God heal you, ask God for forgiveness, learn how to forgive yourself first; and then step out on faith knowing you have been forgiven. Your life will be restored in such a way that you will allow the Holy Spirit to minister and lead you in every area of your life. Do not let divorce cripple you or hold you hostage into thinking you cannot be used by God. That’s the trick of the enemy whether it’s the devil or the suggestions he may put in your mind from time to time. I want you to know that God is able to do anything but fail. Though you may fall, the bible teaches that a righteous man gets back up. Proverbs 24:16. While I know this is such a sensitive topic this is very personal to me; If you are happily married then great; but if you are going through the challenges of family separation and contemplating divorce then I want to encourage you to proceed with caution and a lot of prayer.

It’s no joke and it’s a serious issue that happens to even good people such as yourself. The consequences are insurmountable meaning you will go through the process of pain with emotion scars that could last a lifetime. Hopefully, you will do what I’ve suggested above and get yourself back on the right track toward the healing process. Check out these scripture references and share your feedback on the issues. I don't want to debate scripture; I just want you to realize you can go on with your life and do what God has called you to do. I encourage you to be strengthen as you go through this drama in your life. Romans 8:28, Romans 12:18, Matthew 19:1-9, Ephesians 5:21, Matthew 6:14, 15, I John 1:9.

Solving Conflicts With Your Child or Teen Easily, the Fourth and Fifth Step

2007-04-16T03:34:00.000-07:00

When you talk about curfews, about pocket money, is that really the issue?

Step four of the process is to look behind what you seem to talk about. It gives you access to solutions you would not have dreamed finding. What are your interests behind the issue? Example. You and your son are struggling to find an appropriate time for him to be home. You say 10PM, he says 12. You can barter, but what is it really about? Maybe you want him home safe and you're not certain he will be, out late, with is buddies who might drink? He might want to see a band that starts at 10.30PM. Coming home early wouldn't give him what he wants. Coming home late doesn't give you that. If it is about safety, can you pick him up, can he take a cab?

By looking behind it, at what it really is about, being partners you can find other ways. Because in the long run, you want it to work for both.

Ask them things like "You know, what is really important about this for me is this... What is it for you?" Share your interests and invite them to do the same.

It makes sure you don't miss something important that needs solved. For you and for them!

Step Five is to really look at what you can do without me and what I can do without you Whatever you come up with needs to be better than that.Otherwise it is not a win-win.

It also gives you the security that you will not "give away" more than you have to.

It means things like in case of pocket money issues, you can say "no", they can -maybe- get a job and earn the money themselves. Sometimes you can't think of anything you can do without the other: it shows that you really depend on each other to solve this! Like in going on vacation together, going alone doesn't solve the issue.

In serious issues look really hard at what your child can do and take their options seriously. They can run away from home. They can find money by doing things you wouldn't want them to. Make it a part of your thinking that it needs to be better than that.

Talk about it in a friendly tone, to make sure it is not seen as a negotiations strategy you use to get what you want.

You could say something like "If I look at what I could do without you, it looks like this, but I want it to work for both of us. What could you do by yourself and how can we improve on that?"

They now know that you have a bottom line and that they have one too! And that you can do better than that, together.

Are You a Person, Partner or Parent First?

2007-04-16T03:33:00.001-07:00

It is useful to think in terms of the person, partner and parent relationship. I believe that you are a person first, a partner (if involved in a relationship) second and, lastly, you are a parent.

Most mothers tend to put things the other way around and put all their effort and energy into their children first, tend to the needs of their partner next, and put their own emotional and physical needs last. It needs to be that way when a new child comes into the world – babies are all-consuming. However, it is easy to continue that way rather than change priorities as children move through the different stages of development.

For the sake of parental well-being and self-esteem it is important that in some ways mothers (and fathers) reclaim their lives and put themselves first at least sometimes. This means you may need to create opportunities during each day, each week and each month for you to do the enjoyable activities that sustain you.

Similarly, it is important to create opportunities to spend time with your partner that do not revolve around your children. A weekly coffee time, a monthly night out and a three monthly weekend away are just some ways you can make sure your partnerships grows.

By tending to ourselves first and our partners second you create the right environment to be a terrific parent. You are more able to provide for the emotional and self-esteem needs of your child as you have looked after your own psychological needs.

6 Spring Cleaning Safety Tips for a Healthy Family

2007-04-16T03:32:00.000-07:00

Playdate Kids need to live in safe and healthy homes. Spring is the best time to make sure you do the best you can to keep your home safe and clean. Here are some spring cleaning chores that you can do to keep your family safe and improve their health:

1. Change the batteries in your smoke detector and make sure you install a carbon monoxide detector if you haven’t already.

2. Dust your home thoroughly and always remember to clean or replace your air conditioning filters. This will decrease your family’s exposure to pollens among other dander and allergens. Also, remember to vacuum regularly.

3. Check your garage and other storage areas for paint, thinners and other forms of “toxic” products that are dangerous to have around your home. Find a waste drop-off center near your home. Do not throw these toxic materials in your trash can.

4. Organize your medicine cabinets. Throw away any expired medications (some say you can be safe as long as they are not over 3 months old) and old prescription medications that are no longer needed. This will lessen the chances of you or your children taking something they shouldn’t and you will also gain more space for new products and medications.

5. Clean all mold and mildew with non-toxic cleaning products. Mold and mildew are very harmful to your health.

6. Assess the products under your sinks and cabinets for expired or toxic cleaning products. They are harmful and dangerous-- dispose of anything that is unsafe for your children and family.

Ten Ways to Teach Your Child to Be Kind

2007-04-03T03:20:00.003-07:00

Kids do what you do, not what you say. Cruel adults usually begin their patterns of abuse as children with brutality to animals. Parents have an opportunity to instill kind behavior in their children by teaching the importance of a respectful relationship with people, pets and the planet. Protection and kindness are learned behaviors that parents can pass down to their children and grandchildren. Here are a few basics that can help teach a young child to be kind.

1. Let Sleeping Birds Lie

We have all seen the photo of a young child running on the beach with a flock of birds startled into the air. “Wings of Hope” and the Collier Audubon society say, “Never force birds to fly. If you see birds on a beach, walk around them quietly. They are resting!” Tiptoe past the birds and tell your child the birds are sleeping. Act disappointed if you see other children disturbing the birds. Never disturb the baby turtle nests.

2. Kelly’s Habitat

Pick a far corner of your yard and let your child plant a native wildlife habitat. Select plants or trees that birds and butterflies build nests in or enjoy as food sources. Name the habitat after your child and encourage him or her to observe and record all the species they find in their habitat.

3. Communicate Your Special Love

Talk to your children about a dear pet that you had as a child and how important the animal was to you. Find an old photo of you and your pet to show that you cared deeply for a pet when you were their age. Reminisce and share the importance of your pet even though they are gone.

4. Safe or Dangerous

If you witness a young child treating an animal unkindly, take action to protect the animal immediately. However, rather than react violently yourself, speak in an exaggerated sad voice reassuring the animal that “Little Billy did not mean to hurt you and now he is very sorry and wants to treat you kindly.” Remember the child sees images of attacking animals in cartoons, storybooks and television. The child cannot judge the appropriate reaction to an animal without guidance from others. Toddlers have no ability to judge whether he or she should kill an animal or care for an animal. Expect children to be harsh with anything that frightens them and make the wrong decision about new situations. Give the child an opportunity to treat the animal gently one last time. If the child teases hurtfully or reacts violently to the animal again, put the child in time out for the number of minutes that matches their age. Deny the child access and opportunity to abuse the animal and supervise future interaction. Handling or caring for an animal is a privilege earned by good behavior.

5. Not Tested on Animals

Buy products and cosmetics free from cruel testing and blinding of animals. Be outspoken about why you are choosing one mascara over the other and donate your old fur coats to a wild animal conservancy to use as beds for orphaned wolf cubs and fox kits.

6. Death by Any Other Name

Remember that veal means infant cow, bacon is a pig and Thanksgiving dinner is a turkey. You can find organic milk from free roaming pasture-raised cows available even at Starbucks. Some people have chosen to eat vegetables rather than animals. You may always choose to eat meat but it is not really a steak, it is a cow.

7. Hemp, Cotton and Wool

The latest products – that require nothing “to die for,” easily replace your leather designer purse, matching shoes or mink collar. Buy your family’s clothing from companies that treat their workers humanely and boycott sweatshop products that use child labor and slave wages.

8. Discipline Means Teaching

Give ample affection and fun to your child. Teach them to follow sane simple rules but watch out that your well-meaning discipline never crosses over the line to child abuse. Millions of parents have raised children without spanking, hitting, swearing or shaming.

9. Mr. Rogers, Blue’s Clues and Sesame Street

Children learn kindness from watching adults. Turn off the ridiculous hypnotic violence in film and television. Advertisers care more about ratings than about protecting your child from visual scenes of abuse that he or she may never forget. A child’s psyche benefits from healthy programming for children and the absence of sadistic shows.

10. You Got the Whole Wide World in Your Hands

The Sierra Club recommends Energy star-rated light bulbs and sensors that turn lights on and off. Explain to your child about the planet’s threshold for pollution and the serious consequences human actions can have on the Earth.

Some choices may be difficult and take extra effort. Learning to be kind will make your child stronger in their character, ethics, morality and more certain about right and wrong when faced with difficult teenage decisions. Your self-esteem goes up when you do the right things and you become kind to yourself, too. Remember little faces are watching you. Your own behavior choices, not your words, will define kindness for your child.

A Better Parent Is What You Want To Be? Learn How To Do It From Abraham Lincoln

2007-04-03T03:20:00.001-07:00

Abraham Lincoln is credited to be the originator of the phrase, "Everyone loves a compliment". Let's first set the record straight, I can't vouch that he is indeed the author of this statement. (Like I tell my children and grandchildren, "I'm not THAT old."). However in my experience of being a parent (of 12 children), teacher (of teenagers and preteens), and coach (of adults) I CAN vouch for the truth of this phrase and the effectiveness of a compliment to connect with people, to motivate them, and to put a smile on their faces. There is a way, however, to give one, and if you don't do it the right way it can backfire; it can alienate people, cause mistrust, and put a cynical smirk on their faces instead of a smile.

Here then are a few basic guidelines for giving a compliment.

1) Be authentic. Don't give a compliment for something she doesn't deserve. They might think that you are making fun of them.

2) Be specific. "I really liked the colors in the picture you drew" is much more powerful than "Now that is a pretty picture".

3) Explain yourself. Don't just say the compliment but explain to them (in one phrase or less) why you think that it is a compliment. In the example above; Don't just say "I liked like colors in the picture you drew" but add, "they made me happy when I looked at the picture." Or, "It reminds me of ...."

4) Don't exaggerate. In the example above, don't say "I liked the colors in the picture you drew. It reminds me of Van Gogh" This looks like you are mocking them. Rather say, "it SLIGHTLY reminds me of Van Gogh". (This also is an exaggeration. It is probably better to say "they remind of something that Mr. Jones your art teacher would do (or their favorite, not so famous, artist).

5) Camouflage the compliment! This is probably the most important tip and, if not done properly, can damage the relationship that you are looking to build.

There are a few ways of hiding the compliment. You can add a question at the end. In the example above, "I liked the colors in the picture you drew. It reminds me of Mr. Jones. What made you choose them?" Another type of question is , "Why did you choose them? I would like to know so I'll also know how to choose such a powerful color scheme." Another way to camouflage it is to say the compliment to someone else in "ear range" of them. When talking on the phone to a friend or to your parents say, "Do you know Ma, I really liked the colors in the picture that Sean drew. It reminds me of Mr. Jones his art teacher. He really has talent."

A third way to camouflage the compliment is to refer someone to him for him to give advice. For example, give your daughter's cell phone number to a coworker who is looking to buy a painting.

The most powerful camouflage is to not say anything; just take action. For instance, hang the painting up in the living room.

Remember! Perfecting the tools to be a better parent takes time. Begin, though, today and you will begin to notice the positive change in your children.

Children & Collecting - Part 2 -TSWBATs and How to Inflict Them on Your Kids

2007-04-03T03:19:00.003-07:00

I am a sometimes teacher, and though most of my teaching has been inflicted on adults, I have also taught high school. So it seems to me that I might do well to write about children and collecting from a viewpoint of a teacher. I have no kids of my own -and I'm not at all sure this is a handicap. I have a more global view of the subject, I think. For example, are you the parent of a nascent collector who has brought home every repellent little bug he or she can find and let them loose in the house?

Or are you -as I am- an uncle who has things and ideas to share with a nephew or niece -and my sisters get to deal with the fall out. Or are you a parent who has a beloved collection of X and hope to share your love of the subject with your kids? For that matter, is your child young enough to feel your enthusiasm & joy, or is he or she reached the age where-upon collecting X is "like.... totally tired -f'r sure -I mean, like.... how gay." (No opinions on 'gay' -but I learn from one of my nieces that 'gay' is not necessarily an insult, but refers to something well outside of the universe of the speaker. In my day -or perhaps a little earlier -we would have used the word 'square.')

Here I flagrantly plagiarize my own-dang-self. (See below for a link to the whole article.)

We teacher-types do all sorts of things to get our students motivated / prepared / willing / awake enough etc. to learn. Collecting is a wonderful -pain-free way to do this.

Consider, for example, stamp collecting and geography. A child who has somehow gotten a stamp from Timbuktu just has to wonder where Timbuktu is. If there a gazetteer and / or a big map of the world somewhere in the home, education HAS to follow. One small word of caution though, there is a fine line between helping a child learn and irritating the little dear beyond all tolerance. You don't need to be an expert in a given subject or collectible to teach your kids. Let them follow their own interests.

So how do you use collecting to awaken curiosity and avoid making what ever ensues a battle of wills to get the child to clean-up every day and follow through over the long term? And --perhaps, just perhaps-- carry a childhood whim on into adulthood.? (F'rinstance, a chap by the name of Greg Martin had a thing for guns as a young lad and built it into a wonderful and successful business called Greg Martin Auctions.)
Well, you start at the end. You ask yourself where you want the kid to end-up. In education jargon, this is called TSWBAT (pronounced twîz bât) and lists what The Student Will Be Able To.... Not a bad idea this. Starting at the end is the basis of most planning efforts, but the value here has to do with opening your thinking. For example, it would be all well and good to take the above example of stamp collecting and have a goal of "teaching geography". But it would be better to say to yourself, "Little Johnny will get a stamp & envelope that has been mailed from each of the 50 states and he will be able to find all 50 on the map by the start of school next fall." (Have you seen The Tonight Show when Jay Leno goes Jay-Walking and asks people on the sidewalk where Europe is and someone guesses it's the capitol of Canada? Makes me a little embarrassed to admit to being a teacher.)

Now when they tried to teach me this planning stuff in various b'ness classes I had to take, I seem to remember that after only after defining where we want to be when we are there, did we start planning the steps involved in getting there. Seems reasonable. What is perhaps just a little unreasonable, however, is the amount of where-with-all a child insists he or she needs to get the job done. But then again, perhaps not. Please remember, thought, that childhood is about trying out a bunch of stuff, and setting aside some of it -or perhaps even most of it- in favor of what will become their passions.

Birthday Party Supplies and Decorations Technology

2007-04-03T03:19:00.001-07:00

Birthday party supplies and decorations are available as extremely convenient theme packages. A theme package brings together all of the supplies necessary to throw a great child’s birthday party. These are really catching on as evidenced by the some 2 million theme packages sold each year. This is quite a testament to the joy brought by birthday party theme package supplies to the children. The success of theme packages is owed to the expertise behind the design and delivery process.

A birthday party theme package is designed around a character or topic. The amount of selections at a given time is massive. Examples include: Hurray For Elmo Theme Package, Pirate Buried Treasure, Sea Life Theme Package, Batman Begins, Camouflage Theme Package, Disney Cars, Fire Fighter Theme Package, Ice age Theme Package, Ninja Turtles , Tonka Theme Package, Cabbage Patch , Cupcake Theme Package, Doodlebops , Hello Kitty Theme Package, Pizza Party Theme Package, Sleepover Theme Package and Tiny Dancer.

If you or your child can name, there is likely a theme package for it!

The process begins with the research team. These are marking experts who follow trends and tastes regarding what is popular among kids. They pay attention to the latest comics, movies and educational topics. Many hav backgrounds in early childhood development and teaching. Often a good research team knows what is going to be popular before consumers make it so.

Once the research team has decided on a particular character or topic, it is up to the design team to create the graphics and artwork. The design team comprises a group of specialists who are expert in color and layout. They use computer graphics program to perform layout and design of each piece in the birthday party theme package. The project established for each piece is to scale and at 300 dpi or greater. A good design team can produce a vivid, appealing set in a single day.

The manufacturing group takes the artwork and layouts and then sets the molds and dies necessary to produce the elements comprised by a birthday party theme package. Polymers are the dominant material used for a theme package. These are commonly formed with an extrusion process with sublimation for coloring. Paper is the next most used material. Today’s computer controlled manufacturing environment can crank out over 6000 completed units per min.

All of the expertise, teamwork and technology come together to create and implement highly vibrant birthday party theme packages at very affordable prices. Most importantly, today’s birthday party theme packages are quite pleasing to the ultimate consumers… the children.

Choosing the Most Effective After School Activities for Your Children

2007-04-03T03:18:00.001-07:00

In this day and age, there are a significant number of after school programs and activities available to your children. The trouble can be not that there are too few after school programs to choose from, but that there are so many after school programs that it can be difficult to find the most appropriate program for your children. Through this article you are provided with a list of characteristics that a solid after school activity or program should possess.

Clarity in objectives and goals is the first important thing when it comes to an after school activity or program. As a parent, you will want to have a clear understanding of what benefits can be derived from a particular after school program or activity.

A solid and worthwhile after school program or activity will provide plenty of opportunities for children to increase their level of understanding of complex and interesting concepts. This is true of recreational activities as well. In the end, the development of academic, personal and social skills should be one of the primary goals of any after school program activity. The truth is that as the skills develop, the child's self-esteem also increases.

After school activities are all about boosting a child's competence. Good and effective after school activities and programs work to promote the abilities of children and help them to enhance their talents. This will have a long term and positive impact on the lives of your children.

Safety is one of the important elements of an after school program or activity. The adults in charge of such a program or activity must be qualified, adequate and alert. The staff should be friendly and should have a positive relationship with children while all the while remaining totally professional on all levels. Therefore, the program should have professional and trained staff that loves to interact with children within appropriate boundaries.

Routine evaluations are an important part of effectively managed after school programs and activities. There should be a continuous accounting of the effectiveness and worth of after school activities and programs. By taking this important step, you will be able to ensure that an after school program or activity continues to meets the needs of your children. You can determine whether it is appropriate for your children to continue participating in a particular after school program or activity.

By considering the different characteristics that are associated with meaningful after school programs and activities, you will be in a better position to determine which activities or programs will be most appropriate to the needs of your children. You will be able to select an after school program or activity that will benefit your children on many different levels.

How To Increase Your Child's Self Esteem

2007-03-27T03:10:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wondered why so many people, who seemingly have everything, end up killing themselves? Elvis Presley, Marlin Monroe, Kurt Cobain and so many more ‘superstars’ who have all the money and fame in the world. They seem to have all the ‘reasons’ to be incredibly happy, but they end up choosing to end their own lives and most often turn to drugs to feel some sense of happiness. The answer lies in self esteem. Having a high esteem for yourself means that YOU value YOURSELF. This is not only the key to true happiness, but also the key to living a full and prosperous life. As a parent you can really do much more than you think to increase your child's self esteem.

The real question for you as a parent is ‘what do you really want for your child?’ Do you want them to be, do and have all those things that you never had or accomplished? So many parents live their own shortcomings and unfulfilled desires through their children and in the process they strip their children of the ultimate privilege which is to live and actualize their own wants and needs. It’s important to realize that your job as a parent is that of a guide and not that of a boss. The lowest level of leadership is that of dictatorship – if you enforce certain actions they are usually followed with a sense of resentment and as long as your children feel like they have to satisfy someone else, they will never grow in themselves and never have high self esteem.

Self esteem comes from within. No one can give it to you. It is a feeling within yourself that makes you feel worthy, important and significant. We all have to have that – we all have to feel significant in some way and whether you meet this need in positive or negative ways, you will meet it. If you want to increase your child's self esteem you need to seek ways of helping the feel significant in positive and empowering ways. Being the best in class can make a child feel just as significant as popping pills will. The only difference is in the way the need is met. Your job as a parent is to never push, but to guide and encourage your child to meet the need of significance in ways that will empower them and lay a strong foundation for their future.

With all the studies in self image psychology, one of the most significant findings was that all your personal performance can be directly related to your self image. Your self image is nothing but the way you ‘see’ yourself and self esteem is nothing but the way you see and feel about yourself. This is everything in life. As long as you believe you don’t deserve something you won’t. As long as you believe you can’t, then you won’t. As long as you believe you are fat, you won’t loose weight.

So what can you do as a parent to increase your child's self esteem? Realize that high self esteem comes from making yourself do difficult things. That feeling of pride in doing something that was hard and something that you thought you could not do, will give you an inner sense of accomplishment, self worth and belief in your latent abilities that raises your self esteem. Self esteem is universal and will encourage and enable your child to do and attempt other things that previously seemed impossible for them. Your role as a parent, to increase your child's self esteem, is similar to that of a good coach. You are there to support and encourage your child, but never to push them too far. If you push them too hard you will raise your self esteem when they succeed and not theirs. Self esteem is an internal game and you have to encourage it within your child to make the decisions and to take the actions for him or herself.

You can help to increase your child's self esteem by simply helping them to see the magnificence that is already within them. Teach your children to develop and have controls from within. Teach them that no one can make them feel bad about themselves without their consent and that other people’s opinions of them are none of their business. The key to high self esteem is to become inner directive and to learn how to listen to and trust in your own internal guide which is that unique perfection that is within each and every one of us.

As a parent you must lead by example. You can not expect your children to have high self esteem if you don’t. Value yourself and take care of yourself on all levels - emotionally, spiritually and physically. This is the simplest way that you can start to increase your child's self esteem and when your children see how much you love and value yourself, they will soon follow. Not because they have to, but because they want to. Never try and raise your own self esteem through your children, their achievements and their accomplishments. This will break them down underneath the surface and until and unless they do and achieve their own successes, regardless of how small it might seem, they will never experience the bliss of self love and high self esteem.

Parenting - Teenage Discipline Requires A Sense Of Objectivity

2007-03-27T03:09:00.002-07:00

Some aspects of parenting are relatively easy, while others present us with more of a challenge. One area which often causes parents some difficulty is that of discipline and, in particular, teenage discipline.

As adults we are familiar with the concept of punishment and accept that poor performance or bad behavior frequently results in our being punished. If you don't study for your professional examination then your poor performance in your exam is punished by awarding you a low score. If you don't perform well at work you're punished with delayed promotion or the withholding of an anticipated pay rise. If you're found drunk and disorderly in a public place you'll probably be punished by spending a night in a police cell and receiving a fine from the local court.

In simple terms, punishment is nothing more than one side of the justice equation and the purpose of justice is to carefully weight the facts of a case and then to render a fair judgment and, where necessary, to hand down an appropriate punishment.

Just as we have learnt through our own experience that every action has consequences and that these can sometimes be unpleasant or painful, our children also need to learn this lesson. But teaching them this lesson is not always easy and this is especially true when it comes to dealing with teenagers.

Before you can attempt to handle this thorny problem you have to realize that it will take considerably objectivity on your part, as well as a good sense of proportion. Just as our courts have to make an effort to separate out fact from fiction to get to the truth and then respond appropriately, so we as parents have to operate in much the same fashion when it comes to disciplining our children.

Let's look at an example.

Your sixteen year old son comes home later than agreed having spent the evening with friends and this sparks a heated argument in the lounge which ends in your son announcing that he's going to get himself something to eat. A moment later you hear a loud crash coming from the kitchen and entering the room you find a broken platter and the leftover turkey spread across the kitchen floor and your son banging his fist on the kitchen counter and swearing loudly. How should you react?

The problem here is that you didn't actually see what happened and there are several possible explanations for the scene in front of you. However, you and your son are already angry with each other and your natural reaction is to respond based on that fact.

On the one hand, it is possible that your son took the platter out of the fridge and, in an expression of his anger, deliberately smashed it on the floor. On the other hand, it is possible that, because he was distracted by your recent argument and wasn't paying attention to what he was doing, the platter slipped out of his hand as he was taking it from the refrigerator. It is also possible that, as he was setting the platter down on the counter, he accidentally brushed his arm up against the hot kettle, which you had boiled just a few minutes earlier to make yourself a cup of coffee, and that the platter had been knocked to the floor when he instinctively pulled away from the kettle.

The danger is that if don't establish just what happened before you react you may well take the wrong action and make an already difficult situation even worse. The secret is to remain objective, discover exactly what happened and then act appropriately. So, start by taking a deep breath and a moment to compose yourself and then simply ask your son calmly and quietly what happened.

Let's look at two possible scenarios.

The first is that your son brushed against the hot kettle. Here an appropriate response might be to make sure that he hasn't injured himself requiring medical treatment, to help him clear up the mess and get something to eat and then allow him to go to bed. This will calm the situation and give both of you a bit of breathing space allowing you to sort out the problem which sparked the original argument the following day when you've both had time to consider the situation.

The second is that your son deliberately threw the platter on the floor. Now tempers are already high and you're certainly not going to get anywhere by pouring more fuel on the fire. Possibly the best answer here is to tell your son, again quietly and calmly, to clear up the mess and go to bed and then to leave the kitchen before he has a chance to respond and start the argument up again.

At this point he may or may not clear up the mess and a common trap to fall into is that of focusing you attention on this as the main issue. It would be all too easy at this point to turn the mess in the kitchen into a battleground and to make a stand in order to assert your authority. The broken platter is not however the main issue and, at this point, it's not really important whether he clears up the mess or not. If he does then that's fine but, if he doesn't, then simply wait for him to go to bed and clear up the mess yourself. The following morning when you've both calmed down and had a chance to sleep on things you can then deal with both the original argument and the broken platter.

By remaining object and taking the time to both find out exactly what has happened and to consider an appropriate response your son will benefit in two ways. First, he will receive a punishment that is appropriate to the action he has taken and second he will learn that it is possible to deal with situations maturely and with self-control even when emotions are running high.

Practicing Patience

2007-03-27T03:09:00.001-07:00

Are you quick tempered? Do you snap if your child is slow to learning a new task? Do you find yourself tensed and confused? Are you irritable of caring for your child all by yourself? Are you looking for instant gratification? Are you making snappy decisions when it comes to the well-being of your child? Would you like to become a more patience person? The world and all it has to offers seems to be no more than a fast-paced society driven so you will have to keep up with it’s pace.

There are some things in life that just can’t have a quick fix; and that’s patience. Patience is based on timing. One of the fruit of spirit is patience. You and I need to have patience to deal with the reality of our inquisitive minded children. The more patient we are as parents will help develop our own patience and character; and it will also help develop our children’s character. We both become works in progress learning to deal with the reality of being in a relationship that’s always seems to have a need for adjusting for one reason or another. Regardless of the reasoning; if you want to feel less stressed, and less overwhelmed by the cares of this life, practice some patience. I see it all the time when I’m out in the public whether it’s at the store, at church, or even just out in the neighborhood some parents have problems with their patience. Practicing patience can help you think things through clearly before acting on decisions that you could later regret.

By practicing patience it’s an opportunity to grow and mature in areas of your life that need the most improvement with your character. Your child resembles you. I find it quite interesting when I see my daughter basically imitating me with the way she talk, and the way she acts in general. She truly does resemble my characteristics. I’ve noticed over the years though she and I both can be impatient at times. I’m a work in progress working on my patience and therefore when my daughter sees me she learns from it. Taking time talking to your child or children is one of the best ways you will make a single-parent home transition less painful. As you continue to raise your child or children your patience will always be a need you will not be able to live without. Patience is a fruit and attribute that comes from God himself. When you find yourself on the edge of things; take time out for yourself by practicing some patience. Do what you have to do. You may need to be quiet; or you may need to count to ten etc. Being patience is a gift from God; you can have it, just ask for it.

Your child or children are an asset to you and not a liability. Look, Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of your womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3. If you are struggling with your parental rights and responsibilities sign-up to receive tips on life in general and I can help you with your parenting concerns.

Parenting - Teaching Your Children About Strangers

2007-03-27T03:08:00.000-07:00

As parents one of our prime responsibilities is to provide a safe environment for our children and to keep them from harm. In today's world unfortunately this also means teaching them to be wary of strangers. However, since much of our life brings us into contact with other people, this is not perhaps as easy as you might think and you need to strike a balance between being wary of strangers, but nonetheless able to interact with others, and a lifelong fear of strangers.

Before looking at how best to deal with this problem though, let's just take a moment to put the problem into perspective. Child abduction does happen and is arguable on the increase. However, the number of cases each year is very small (in the United States it is thought that about 58,000 children are abducted by non-family members each year) and in the vast majority of cases the children taken are found or returned unharmed within twenty-four hours.

Despite the statistics, if the child in question is your child then even one case a year is one case too many. Nevertheless, it is important to realize that the chances of this happening to your child are extremely small and, while you need to take precautions, you also need to avoid the temptation to go overboard and end up frightening, and thus harming, your children, rather than protecting them.

It is also important to realize that attitudes which we develop towards people in childhood persist long into adulthood and it is important therefore that we alert our children to the very real dangers that surround them but don't at the same time create dangers for them which don't really exist.

The first thing we need to do when teaching our children about strangers is to understand that what we mean when we talk about a stranger and the person that a child sees as a stranger are not always the same. For example, the man who runs the newsagent's shop on the corner, and to whom your child sees you talking every day when you buy a newspaper, is clearly a stranger by our parental definition. However, to your child this 'nice' man will probably be seen as 'mommy's or daddy's friend'.

Against this background it would seem simple that we should teach our children to view everyone outside of the family as a stranger and that they should therefore follow all of the normal rules which we lay down (such as not accepting sweets and gifts, not accepting a lift in a car, not accepting an invitation in a house and so on) for strangers.

However, if we're not around when our children run into difficulty then they are going to need to ask for assistance and we must also teach them to distinguish between different types of stranger.

For example, a policeman is technically a stranger, but is clearly somebody who your child should feel comfortable approaching for help. Similarly, if your child becomes separated from you in the supermarket they need to be able to recognize people whom they can turn to for help. Somebody wearing the store's staff uniform and an employee badge should be seen as somebody to approach if they need help.

When children are very young the problem of protection lies entirely with the parents of course and your child should always be within your sight and under your watchful eye. But as soon as children are old enough to venture out alone then they need to be given the 'rules'. At this point they will still be too young to fully understand just why they have to follow these rules but, as their understanding increases, it's important to slowly start to teach them about the dangers posed by strangers.

In teaching children about the dangers posed by strangers it's vitally important that you take the child's age and understanding into account and that you clearly outline the dangers, but do not overplay the dangers so that your children are afraid to go out at all.

One final point. There are often warning signs of a problem posed by a stranger and a stranger who targets a child will frequently spend a considerable amount of time getting to know the child and to gain the child's trust. So, talk to your child and take a genuine interest in where they go, what they do and who they see. Casual but regular and routine conversation with your child will often reveal a pattern which might just set your alarm bells ringing and provide you with the opportunity to step in and avert a problem before it arises.